OUT OF AIR (Jumin x Jaehee)

I Am So, So Sorry...

{WARNING!} Weeaboo bitch is about to rant the fuck out of you. You've been warned...

Okay, I just had to write something to apologize.
Life is hell right now for me.

I'm feeling more and more depressed as the days go on and I keep wondering if it's even worth it??

There's this girl at one of my dance classes, Hannah (yes, that's who Hannah in the book is based off of) who hates my guts. She wrote "AUTHOR PERSON (well, it was obviously my real name) SHOULD KILL HERSELF, WHO ELSE AGREES?" In the bathroom stalls. That was fine. I know she hates me.

But then I go to school, which is not with her, and today I see "AUTHOR PERSON (again, it would be my real name) SHOULD KILL HERSELF" written on another stall door. So apparently, some people hate me. A lot of people. I don't know what I've done to them, but I've done something. I guess I'm just not good enough. But what can I say?? I never have been.

On top of that, when I do go to dance, some of Hannah's friends (more like followers) go with her, roll down the windows, and say some of the most cringeworthy shit I've written. It makes me... well, to be honest it makes me want to die.

I love to dance, next to writing it's my favorite thing to do and me and my group cosplay and go to this thing (I think it's called Sci-Fi On The Rock?? Not sure.. :/) every year, even my English teacher goes. It's awesome. I wouldn't miss it for the world... or would I?? Because I'm not going this year. Or the year after that. I'm quitting dance because of other people opinions. And they know it. And they now make fun of me for that, too.

Also, almost every girl I've met wants to have a lover... but me. I don't. I don't want a relationship, and two of my friends asked me out this year and... well, one of them took it hard, but he understood. The other one... slapped me across the face, called me a whore, started rumors about me, and told me he'd throw a fucking party if I committed suicide. That tore me down. This was a guy who I trusted with my life.

I'm being bullied so much now that I feel like I'm a small candle and everyone else is the flame, burning me, melting my personality and liveliness down with the wax.

( But don't get me wrong, I still have some awesome friends, you have no idea... they're amazingly amazing, I love them. ^^ )

Now, I recently watched a Onision video and he said that "If you're with someone who's not as fucked up with you, you'll only hurt them." Or something like that, and now I feel like I've destroyed my friends, my family... I wish I could be locked in a little wood box like that one Madagascar scene and washed away so I can just stop hurting everyone.

Writing is one of the only things that's helped me. I live in a fantasy world. No matter where I am, I am not myself, I am in another reality pretending to be someone I'm not and creating stories in my head. I don't know how to me myself, really. Unless I'm being depressing. I feel like writing keeps me sane. Jumin x Jaehee may be, like, one of my favorite ships, but I also want to put something else of my own out there. A true story written by me. But I can't leave this Jumin x Jaehee one abandoned because some people (for some strange, twisted reason) actually like the story.

But right now, I'm too stressed and worked up to write and write good, and you guys who actually enjoy my shitty stories deserve so much better then what I've been coming up with. I'm going to try, try my absolute hardest to get my life back on track, try not to dream of faraway places and finally getting away from the person that scares me more then Hannah, more then a realtionship, more then any bully ever... and that's myself.

I'm sorry, I just had to rant somewhere. I might not even publish this, to be honest, it's too idiotic and I don't think anyone will understand me. I'm sorry. I'm done, but I'm not done... do you know that feeling?? Anyways, I hope I didn't ruin your day. Have fun and be proud of yourself for something, anything. Thank you for listening ^^ 💛💛💛 ~TheWeeWeeaboo