Chapter 18. Those Days

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Here's to our Heroes .

Through all the heartaches and the tears, through gloomy days and fruitless years; I do give thanks for now I know, these were the things that helped me grow.

- David Lockett

You'll never be good enough! He's not coming back because he doesn't want to! You're disgraceful! Leading those boys on, for what?! You're not good enough for either of them anyway! Look at you! There's nothing that you could offer of yourself! So sad! Daya left because she didn't want to deal with you, she needed to live happily without. Now she is. You're not good enough!

You're NOT Good enough!

You're NOT Good enough!

You're NOT Good enough!

You're NOT Good enough!

NOT Good enough!

NOT Good enough!

Good enough!

Enough!

Enough!

Enough!

You know those days where you just need to be alone? To think, to cry, to watch old movies with your family, to figure out who you are or who you've become since the beginning of the year or the month even. Well I woke up and I needed today to be that type of day, because I couldn't tell if I was happy or sad. I didn't know if I wanted to jump up and down laughing on my bed or cry and feel empty. But it couldn't just be one reason why I was happy or sad it was a build up. A build up of very good feelings and events and a build of very bad, sad events and feelings. Either way, I woke up to a beautifully sunny and dreary rainy day. I also woke with negative thoughts and bashing myself. I woke up with thoughts of myself that ate at me. With that being said, I planned to stay in and have one of 'those' days.

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"Mamá! ¿Dónde estás? Te necesito," I yell throughout the house. (Mommy! Where are you? I need you.)

"Aquí mismo, mi hija," My mom says. (Right here, my daughter.)

"¿Qué está mal?" She adds, once she is closer.

"I miss him, all over again. I-I feel, I feel...

I don't know. I miss him," I say breathless and almost crying. She pulls me in her arms, close to tears.

"Maria," She sighs softly, kissing my head.

"I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you too," I say trying to pull out of her arms.

Selfish!

"Hush. We'll get through it together. Like we always do," She says quietly. We walk to the couch and she sits down putting a pillow on her lap. I rest my head on her lap , she begins to play in my hair and my eyes close.

"I know he'll be back soon-" I began.

"Three weeks," She interrupts.

"But then he'll be gone again and he was injured once mom! I don't want him to get hurt out there again or worst. I want him to come home and he can be our hero here. I miss him," I say so quietly that I'd be surprised if my mom even heard me.

"He'll be here in 21 days. I miss him. I miss him more than you could probably understand Maria but I just remember he's not only our hero anymore. So many people need him to be their hero too. So, we cannot be selfish right now. Sure they'll get him for another year but we get to have him forever. 21 days and we get him for the rest of the summer. 365 days after that... we get him forever," She says softly and I know she is hurting. But I know that her faith that we'll get to see him again is stronger than her pain and fears. So I rest on her lap as she tells me about how they met for the hundredth time and I begin to doze off, but not before I hear her make a call.

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