ader

building up walls

once upon a time, there was a 12 year old girl.

she grew up to be school-active and competitive because it was the nature her parents raised her.

people adored her because of her fighting spirit and leadership. thus, that's not all about her story.

as a young girl, she had faced many problems and obstacles in life.

age was never the limit of her problems and no matter how much she tried to stop them, life dared to challenge her destiny and eventually doubled.

but above these, she never took them as bad thing but took it as an inspiration. she never blamed God. she believed that when the world is against her, if she remains righteous, God will always be at her side.

even though she never really goes to church during the sabbath day, she never broke her connection with God and prayed by her self.

for one thing, she was a very friendly person. she had many friends maybe because she's confident in talking to people.

despite that, she had serious trust issues. even though she had tons of friends surrounding her, counted are those she really trust. don't get her wrong, she is not fake with her friends, but when it comes to the things that are really important in her life, she prefers walking alone.

let's just say she becomes selfish at times.

this is because she was raised to stand alone and nothing more of it.

her parents were always busy with their own stuff and never bothered their daughter. she lived in a big house with her family but they treat each other as officemates and it seems like they have an invisible wall surrounding each other.

in normal families, during dinner time they will talk about their day but in her family, they sit down, pray, eat and stand up.

the only thing her family talks about is her academics and how she's doing in school.

yes, she's pressured by her parents that if she got a grade below 93 her parents will flip or maybe kick her out of the house.

sometimes i really wish i was joking

one time her father was so mad of her grades, he burned her school uniform.

that explains why she was very competitive in school.

she wished for nothing else but to make her parents proud of her so she did everything, but her parents were never convinced and they think as if there was a rank higher than 1.

rank 0? how about negative 1?

she was never a saint nor a devil.

she was sometimes really pissed of her parents.

imagine hurting your daughter physically because she got a flat 90 on her report card. you've gone mad and too far off the line.

sometimes she often gets confused in what to do; hurting herself or calling for help.

but she never went too far of it. she thought that she can do better with her life, so why end it?

people intend to see only the bad side of their lives and forget the importance or the reason why they were born.

so she did not end her life.

as she grew up she realizes that her parents were just caring for her future. she thought that it was wrong to doubt the love her parents have for her, because it will be a sin to God and she knows that she should honor her mother and father. she will place everything behind God.

because of that, God never failed her and granted her wishes.

she worked hard day and night of all her activities in school whether in academics or extra curricular activities.

and eventually isolated herself from the world to avoid her problems. yet her problems always break the walls that she builds.

it was true that life had always ups and downs.

sadly,

she was brought down during her second grading. she went down the ranks.

call her competitive, selfish and all of that sh*t but she only thought of her parents. yes, maybe she was mad at them but she loves them and wanted them to be happy of her, even just for once.

she was sad for a while and her parents were very disappointed of her.

she went to the church and prayed to God. she asked for a sign and God never failed to do so.

the following day she got a perfect score in her periodical exam and her teachers said that the testpaper should have a signature of her parents/guardian.

so when she got home, and told her parents, boy was it a miracle.

they were actually happy about it. they even talked for a while and laughed. yeah, pep talk with the parents. real nice.

it was like she got hit by a truck by the sudden change of her parents attitude.

this is the sign! she said in her mind.

God never fails to give miracles. she said by herself.

after that day, it was start of the third grading period. she believed in the saying that when opportunities don't knock then build a door. that was her motto.

she then realized that during her second grading period she isolated herself from everything and forgotten about God. and maybe, just maybe, that was the reason of her going down the ranks. she lacked guidance from God.

so what she did was study and yet this time she did not revolve her entire life purely with academics. she had time for herself but remained responsible of her grades. above all she built her connection and trust with God even stronger than before.

she offered her life to God and let him write her life. she tested her faith to God and that never failed her.

after all the struggles, effort, alas! the day finally came. it was their deliveration day! she was the class first honor. man, was her parents proud.

she was indeed happy! so was her family. you're asking why the sudden change? maybe they realized that they needed to give time for their daughter. so that was it.

everybody was happy.

during the recognition day her father was the one who placed the golden medal on her. it was the happiest day of her life. everything was perfect, though her tons of friends doubled, she was aware of her true friends and cherished the happiness within their circle of friends.

she remained humble and above all these blessings given to her, she thanked God for always hearing her prayers.

it was indeed right to never doubt God. He always have plans and all you have to do is to be patient and have faith in him.

life is indeed a journey and not a destination. there are always ups and downs, but never give up. God's not done in writing your part of the book.

humans as we are, we are not perfect. we intend to make mistakes but that that doesn't mean that we're a failure.

failure is spelled when we give up. not when we try, so don't be afraid to do so.

people intend to build walls around them, not isolate others, but to see who's good enough to break in— and that someone will always be God.

seventeen more years since that incident, she's finally going to be the woman God always wanted her to be. that woman is the author of this book, that woman is me.