ader

fools

There came a time when you were very hesitate to click that name with a green circle on your messenger. You were stopping yourself much yet in the end you'd still find yourself re-reading your past conversations- very careful because you were afraid of what his response would be if you'd accidentally click the like button or emoticons. Then there's that sensation you also felt before while remembering the times you were too happy exchanging sweet talks with him. You'd stare at your pictures with him on different dates and places, listen once again on his voice messages, watch a video of him making you laugh when you were upset, and review a long list of call log. And because of those, you'd cry again.

At night when everybody were already sleeping, your pillows would catch tears and you'd sleep with your phone on and eyes tired from crying. There would also be times when you'd pray to God that you'd cross roads with him and make up to the lost times. You'd also wish for him on the stars.

The next day, you'd notice those pictures while you were cleaning your room. You'll sit on your bed and open a photo album. You'll reminisce and memories would hurt you once again. Once you remember the reason why the two of you got separated, you'd take all the blame, regret, and repeatedly ask yourself why everything happened that fast.

You'll take a bath, dine alone while seeing a ghost of him cooking your favorite dish in the kitchen, get dressed and would hear a heartbreaking song -that you keep avoiding- from your neighborhood since they've been in karaoke last night.

You'd walk on the streets and force yourself to focus on duties that should be done on that day yet everything reminds you of him.

It would happen, again and again just because of a man who promised to never leave you yet did the otherwise. You'd never stop crying and wanting to chase him. You'd do everything you could just to get over him or even make him get back to your arms again. You'd ask for help from your friends but their opinions would never matter a lot from you because you were too fascinated of the times when the two of you were still in love- hoping that you'd still hear those three words from him.

In every minute, you'd miss him. And when I say "him", it is everything that is connected to him. Until one day you'd stop crying because you were exhausted and realized he'd really never come back- that the pain he's brought was not worth crying after all.

Loving a man after a heartbreak won't make you less of a woman. You loved. You've been fooled. You're hurt. And it happened for a reason.