ader

vellere

have you had any idea?

it was a summer day when i saw you post something about depression, i actually don't know you but something in me said i should to talk to you, so i couldn't help myself and commented something stupid

i was actually laughing when i saw you actually replied with a joke. it was the corniest joke ever, for someone who's actually suffering depression, i couldn't believe it.

after a few we started chatting, funny how there it all started. at first i thought it wasn't really 'something'— actually i never really thought there would be something.

months later we're still talking online, the next thing i know you've been feeding me up with the fact you're in love with someone else. ironic actually, i've already experienced the same thing with someone else in the past. so i decided to shrug it off.

it's always been about her, every time we talk you wouldn't miss a chance to tell me her name, how she makes you smile in the smallest things, and how she's the reason you laugh and even live.

never have i known, that you were beginning to become the reason i smile, while you were busy making her the reason you laugh.

at that time, i thought this is some big deja vu joke. i told myself 'get a hold of yourself' for i've already been in the same crap years ago.

but no, one day i woke up waiting for your replies, waiting for your daily calls.

since you got my number from who knows where, there was no day you didn't call me. it became a habit of yours. you know my life, i know yours. you know about my family, i know a lot about yours.

i would never forget the day you gave me your email and password and told me i can open your account whenever i get bored, you even joked that you really don't have anything to hide from me.

why? why would you do that? little did you know that i'm trying my very best not to give any conclusions but your words and actions say otherwise. tell me, is it wrong to assume things like that when practically your words mean the exact same thing with you actions?

whenever i mention some guy you'd end up not talking to me. what's your problem? it's not like i'd be marrying my crush tomorrow or something.

whenever i talk, you'd always be able to point out something's wrong with me, even if i tried my 100% best to hide it and not make you notice.

i'm really confused, what are you trying to imply?

i've had just enough of your games. i'm so tired of begging for your attention. i'm so tired of waiting, i'm so tired of hoping.

when will my questions be answered?
i really don't get you. but i guess i really don't get myself either. i see through your lies, and i guess you're not aware of it. but why don't i feel disappointed of you? is this love? i don't think so. but why is my heart aching? why is it still hoping when in the first place i was the one who said you were just another one of those friends.

and then i realized, we're like parallel lines. the kind of line who are always together but never destined. maybe that's all it is. maybe you're some sort of memory because i've dealt with the same heartbreak before. maybe you just remind me of someone. but why the hell does it feel like otherwise?

what is this? this mess i'm slowly giving in, the endless hurricane i'll be trapped in.

you took my broken heart and now i allow myself to become vulnerable once again.

is it even posible to break something that's already broken in the first place?

maybe you're not the same person, maybe this is not the same time but i know that you're a different kind of love. the kind of love i wish i could cherish forever.

to the guy who stole my broken heart, i hope you don't get hurt because broken pieces it once was.