Forgetting and Fixing the Pieces

Chapter 3

Bella's POV

I wake up tangled in my sheets and my hair is sticking to my face with sweat and tears. I look around disoriented at first, but then I see light blue walls and I'm reminded that I'm in my bedroom in Forks, and not still in my nightmare.

I've been having nightmares ever since Lizzy went missing and they're due to all the scenarios that run havoc in my mind of what possibly happened to her.

The mind is strange and mysterious.  You can be going about your day and random thoughts can just pop in your head.  You don't have to be thinking about anything in particular, they just show up.  You can choose to think of something else forcing the thoughts away, but when it comes to your dreams or nightmares in my case, there's is nothing you can do to stop them. You're stuck in the nightmare and it has to play out.  It will only stop if someone wakes you up or your heart races, getting you excited and not in a good way but it wakes you up with a jolt. Sometimes waking up is just as bad as the nightmare, because you have to slow your heart, calm your breathing, and then reflect.  You can choose to go over the night again and tell yourself it's just a dream or you can just skip the reflection part and tell yourself it was only just a bad dream.  I wish that was the case for me, because with Lizzy, no one knows what has happened to her.

That is how I feel after every nightmare I have of her.  And each one I'm never able to save her or find her.  If I dream, that is all I ever dream about now.

 I finally get myself free of my sheets and throw them away from me and wipe my face.  I look around my darkened room that's so bare except for a few things from my childhood, it's nothing like the room, I left behind back in Phoenix. Every inch of my bedroom back there has a memory of Lizzy.  Here, there is only one photo of us together that was taken during one of her birthday's and that's the only reminder I need, for she is etched forever in my memory.

I get up and make my bed, then go over to my night stand and see it's a 5:05 A.M. I shut the alarm off so that it doesn't go off later and so that it doesn't wake up Charlie. I quietly pick out some clothes that I bought in Port Angeles, since I left all my summer clothes and everything that reminded me of Lizzy back in Arizona. It was my mother Renee who talked me into leaving everything behind one day when I broke down crying while trying to pack and I ended up telling her stories that went with almost everything I had. Lizzy had a piece in everything that I basically owned.  My mother actually wanted me to pack it all up and put everything in storage so that I could have an easier time getting over Lizzy. 

I don't know if Renee was right, but I guess when someone dies that you love, you eventually pack away their things. I think that is what my mother had in mind, even though she didn't say it. It's too late now, but I guess I can always ask her to send me something if I need it when she is back in Arizona. 

With my clothes picked out, I quietly leave my room and go take a shower before Charlie wakes up at 6:00 A.M. I make sure to take a quick shower so that I leave plenty of hot water for him. Once I finish I go back to my room and get dressed and I leave my hair to air dry after I brush it. 

With the time left I randomly grab one of the books Charlie had bought me when he set up my room when he knew I was moving here. I have been three days now and for the most part he has left me alone and hasn't brought up Lizzy. He knows everything and knows about her case since he has connections being the Chief of Police. That is one thing that I love about living here, he doesn't hover like my mother or doesn't constantly ask me questions to get me to talk about every emotion I'm feeling.

I sit and look at the book in my hand and see it's one of my favorites. Renee must have told Charlie my favorites, but reading a classic romance doesn't appease me right now. I put the book back and look at the other and I see all of my other favorites. I guess I'll go down stairs and make breakfast for when Charlie wakes up.