Dreams Only Last For A Night - (Jalex)

Chapter 24 - All I Ever Wanted Was A Part Of You That I Couldn't Break

I wanna try something :3

All I ever wanted was a part of you that I couldn't break,

A piece of you that I couldn't take apart but we're in pieces now

And all you ever wanted was a part of me that I couldn't fake,

I never made it easy to shape my heart but it's not beating now

I have to let you down...

Jack's POV

I somehow gained the courage I never thought I had and took matters into my own hands for once and finally walked over to Alex; who surprisingly was still sitting there, almost as if he were waiting for me.

"Hey," I said way too enthusiastically for my liking, forcing me to mentally slap myself across the face when I saw Alex's reaction to my unexpected introduction.

He seemed a bit confused, uneasy which made me want to just ran as far away as I could from the whole situation that I naively put myself in.

Alex's expression slowly softened and he looked more relaxed than seconds previous and looked up at me with innocent eyes; that illuminated off the ceiling lights instantly making them sparkle, a soft smile spread across his cheeks as he quickly scanned my features.

"Hi," he spoke shortly, his tone barely audible.

I just stood there, confused and nervous as hell as to his state, I didn't want to do or say the wrong thing. I wanted to help him but I also didn't want him to run away, I wanted- no, I needed to know if he was okay.

"How are you?" I attempted in sheer despair - I mean those three words that everybody dreads in saying just as much as hearing is enough for anybody to really question themselves only to become anything but so in the end. Are we really ever okay? Or is it just a figment to keep us from going truly insane.

Alex's smile went weak almost vanishing from view at the first few seconds of my sentence ending. I waited desperately for an answer to my question but despite the fact I gave him the time he probably desperately needed even more.

His eyes wondered as he let out a deep sigh before sinking his teeth into his bottom lip and looking back up at me with a blank expression plastered onto his face.

"I-I'm fine," a weak smile crooking it's way onto the side of his mouth.

That made my heart ache in disappointment, I thought we'd grown past all the lies and just start a new, fresh from being without each other for so long (it wasn't that long, Jack. More like a week or so tops).

But I guess that's what I get for having such expectations, it's things like that, that truly ruin me.

Alex noticed the displeasure in my eyes and became just as sad.

I then quickly became somewhat angry at the whole situation and the fact that he had lied to me so easily.

All the memories and the hurt that followed from that unfaithful night came to me, remembering how he had abandoned me and then left with somebody else, then not shortly after was the repeat of today's new discovery and all the pain and confusion it had brought pressed hard into my memory; changing his number so I wouldn't call him, really?! That's low even for him. Do I truly mean that little to him?

I closed my eyes taking in slow deep breaths not wanting to snap for fear of scaring him away. I was furious, yes. But I was also in love, so when it came down to it I kept my cool and pretended everything was okay for the good of others.

I surprised myself somewhat, I thought I had forgiven Alex for that night but I guess I was just as hurt as the night it all happened. I want to forgive Alex but he's making that painfully hard when he does the things he does and then tries to play them off as nothing. I love him to death, I do but he just gets me so dysfunctional sometimes it drives me mad. Why can't he just be honest with me?

"Jack?" he finally had broken the silence and I immediately looked at him, he looked more disappointed in himself than I would have inspected making me feel ashamed of the previous thoughts I had of him.

I can't do this, I don't want to forgive Alex because I love him and I automatically feel like I have too. I want to forgive him because I have actually forgiven him and not because I love him. And I don't want to pretend like I do either for the sake of keeping him because in the end I'll only be hurting myself and It'll all become too much for me and knowing me I'll take it out on Alex and he doesn't deserve that - I don't deserve this.

"Jack, I'm sorry."

And it was those words that I'd thought would make me feel at least a little bit better and a little more appreciated, only made me want to run away and hide at this very moment.

I wasn't mad anymore nor sad, I was at terms with my decision and I knew it would mean losing my best friend if I were to do so, but I was strangely okay with that because I kept in mind that it'd be best for the both of us if we were no longer in each other's lives.

"I'm glad you're okay, Alex. I hope to see you around soon. Take care of yourself, would ya," I said throwing him a sympathetic smile before quickly turning away and heading straight for the exit.

I didn't look back- I couldn't, I couldn't bare to see the look on his face or to hear what he'd might have to say; that would have just made things even harder than they already were for me.

The ice cold wind hit against my now tear stained cheeks as I hurried to get to my car, which was surprisingly further away than I seemed to remember.

Soon I was sitting in my car crying like some lost little kid looking for their mommy in the store. I couldn't believe what I had just done; I had willingly lost a friend, a soulmate, and for what? Because I couldn't bring myself to forgive him? I'm so stupid!

Well, I guess it's for the best. It wouldn't have worked out either way to begin with, so why jump and keep falling when you knew right from the start you were going to end up hitting the ground sooner or later. It's only logical.

I wish I could only connivence my heart in realizing such, but I made sure to mentally leave it with Alex before I walked out that door but then felt even more stupid when remembering that it had never left him, it was always with him and will continue to be - as it always belonged to him.

Okay shout out time! :3 ~ 🌸 kittycarcx, fuenciadoislifeeee, TheaCollis, StephanieSnyder8, malmo77, and ibreathemusic44!! 🌸 ~ you guys are too sweet and ilysm ok c: ♡

If you want a shout out, leave me some feedback letting me know what you think about the story so far and you'll get a shoutout on the next chapter! :D

Me Without You (All I Ever Wanted) by All Time Low

- Anita xx