Loves a Fight

Chapter XV Kains P.O.V

I finally get back to the house and run inside.
Everything is a blur while Noel is dieing because of me...

I quickly scale the stairs and run into the medical room.
I hear her heart monitor beeping and my heartbeat relaxes slightly.

Adrian is standing over her.
He looks upset.
I look inbetween him and Noel.
He was softly holding her hand and running his thumb in soothing circles.

That's something I want to be doing...
I feel something bubble up inside of me.
Yeah, I'm a little pissed off, but I know nothing has ever happened between the two and nothing ever will.

I walk deeper into the room and Adrian removes his hand from Noel's.
I watch closely as he slowly withdraws all emotion from his face.

Adrian knows that I'll be there for him doesn't he?
He doesn't look at me as he passed by me.
Adrian don't be like that...

I hesitantly look to Noel.
It's now just her and I.
Her soft breathing and frozen body bring back visions of my parents.
The blood soaking her clothes...

I slowly walk towards her and stand where Adrian once was.
I take the hand he once held and pull up a chair.
I need to be close to her.
She almost died on me...

"Noel...." My voice sounding foreign.
Her face was black and blue.
My shakinh hand lightly squeezed hers showing her that I was there.

I need Noel to open her beautiful eyes and show me her lovely smile.
Her heart beat was steady, but I felt responsible.
I should have answered her.
This is all my fault.

"I am so sorry.. " My other hand goes to my face as I cover my mouth.
It feels hard to breathe.

I know she would never have gotten hurt if I would have fucking answered my God damned phone.
My inhale of breath is staggered.

Noel called me so many times waiting for me to come and save her...
I never came and look where she is now...
My heart is beating irregularly...

"How will you ever forgive me?" I release Noel's cold hand and place both of mine over my eyes before resting my elbows on the bed.
The bed dips where my arms settle down.
I feel her arm slide to my elbows.

"I..." I don't know what to say.
Noel can't hear me and I don't know what to say.
I could say anything and it wouldn't make a difference.

"You make me feel things I haven't felt for a long time Noel..." I whisper.
Where do I start and where do I end...
How much do I tell her while she can't hear me?

"I don't know what that means..." I glance to her limp hand.
I really have no clue.
You know that feeling when you feel something you haven't felt in such a long time, that you don't know what to do?
That's how I'm feeling right now.

"But I won't find out if you don't wake up..." My eyes slowly move up her arm.
Scars.
Bruises.
Cuts.
So much pain.

Noel has lived through so much pain and yet she still smiles and tries to make people happy.

Guilt rips through my chest.
I couldn't even answer her fucking calls when all she needed was me...

I gently begin to trace her scars.
Carefully trying not to hurt her.
I don't know what I'll do if I hurt her again.
I'll probably leave her with the hopes she lets me go and finds someone who can actually take care of her.

Noel deserves someone who can hold her up.
Someone who can make the dark days sunny.
She needs someone she can count on and that's just not me.