Loves a Fight

Chapter XXXV Noels P.O.V

My body lays still in my bed as I count the bricks in the ceiling.
My mind keeps wondering back to a time I felt loved.
His eyes haunt my dreams while I'm asleep and while I'm awake.
His smell is still locked in my mind.
The way he loved me makes me want to stay alive.
Every word her utters to me repeats in my head every second of every day.
The way he looked at me and made me smile makes my heart twist painfully everytime I think about him.

Since I left his gang has gotten weaker so other gangs try and move in on him.
I have sort of become his protector.
He goes places un-supervised and I have to make sure no one kills him.
He may never see me, but I always see him.
I see his eyes and how lifeless they are.
I see his body getting weaker.
I see it all...

He needs this now so he can move on.
That man deserves more than I could ever give him.
He needs someone who can give him everything.

I scale the building and assemble my sniper-rifle.
The silencer with a thermal scope make this my baby.
Caressing the trigger I watch someone fall.
I watched this man pace back and forth waiting on Kain.
If I let that man die on my watch I would kill myself.
I see disaster coming before it even happens.
I jump to my feet and slide down the pipe attached to the building.
Running as fast as I can to get to him before they do.

I see him staring off into space as the men move in.
I pull my hood over my face and grab Kain as fast as I can.
He stands and looks at me like I'm an idiot.
Gunshots can be heard and I begin to drag him with me.
He ducks and looks behind him.
I pull out my gun and fire back.

I drag Kain into an ally and catch my breath.
He looks at me like he is trying not to cry.
I stop and lean in close to him.

"I'm ok see..." I whisper while placing his hand on my neck.
I see his eyes fill with tears as I run around the corner firing at all the men.
Once the last man fell I looked back to where I left Kain.
He stood looking at me with eyes full of hope.
I turned and saw his men coming to get him.
Turning back to him I see him walking towards me.
There was nowhere to go.

There was always a possibility that this would happen, but I refused to let myself believe he would do this.
I thought he moved on...

I felt his presence behind me and I froze up. This can't be happening.
I began to hyperventilate.

Looking to my left I took off in a sprint.
Zig-zaging my path so I would loose him.
His loud footsteps linger behind me as I try and escape.
I know one way, but it will slow me down slightly.

I grab the pipe I slid down and begin to climb.
His grip latches on to my leg and stops me.

"Stop running Noel..." He whispers looking into my eyes.
I still feel how I felt before and I don't know how to stop.
He deserves better and he will soon see that...

I drop from the pipe and look directly into his eyes.
His shaky hand reaches up and slips the hood from my head.
This reminds me of the time I let him beat me in the ring when he found out who I was.

I don't look to him because I don't want to see his pain.
I know he fell apart when I left him alone in that hospital.
Only if he had heard what I had confessed in that room then he would never want to be with me.

"Hey..." He whispers trying to make conversation with me.
His men have caught up and were now standing around us.
A car pulled up and he looked to it.
He reached out for my hand and took it while he directed me to his car.
He wasn't warm like he used to be.
Now he was cold...

Sitting in that car made it all real.
He found me and was taking me back...
I can't go back...

I could feel his eyes and hear his mind full of questions.

"Please look at me..." His small voice begged me.
I ignored him while looking forward.
His body moves closer to mine and I freeze up.
He takes my chin in his hand and makes me look at him.
My eyes lock onto his lips not wanting to look into his eyes.

"Please..." He whispers leaning even closer.
Hesitently I look up into his dark eyes that used to light up my world.
They now remind me of all I said to him while he was out.
All the things he doesn't know about me...

His eyes aren't the same...
They aren't playful and happy like they used to be...
The day I met him his eyes were so mischievous.
Today they look so wounded.

"Why?" He asks moving away from me.
I don't know what he means so I don't answer.

"Noel... Why would you leave after you said all those things..." He whispered getting as far away from me as possible.
He looked scared of the answer.

"I know you deserve more than I can give you Kain... You deserve someone better..." I whisper looking away from him.
He was more defined than before and looked scarier than before.

"You don't get to say what I do and don't deserve Noel!?!" He suddenly yells making me jump.

"You don't tell someone you love them and tell them to fight for there life if you are just going to leave?!?" He yells again making me close my eyes.
He's not sad that I left him.
No, he's pissed off.

"Say something!?!" He yells making me jump once again.
My eyes are full of tears as I look into his even darker ones.

"What do you want me to say Kain..." I whisper looking for his eyes to soften.
Instead his eyes get even darker.

"You know what Noel! Just don't fucking say anything alright it's what your good at!?!" He screams again making me scoot even further away from him.
The car stops and I jump out as fast as I can.
I stop running when I run into someone really hard.
Looking up I see Liam looking at me with disgust.
That's what breaks me.
I begin to cry as I walk past him.
Walking into the house I make my way to the room I was given before.
I close the door and hear it lock from the outside.

I cry as I walk to the bathroom and strip from my clothes.
Scars upon scars fill my eyes.
The last time I looked at them I felt beautiful, but now I felt nothing but ugly.
He was making me feel ugly.

Stepping out of the shower I walk into my room naked.
I know he wasn't there because I didn't feel like I was about to throw up.
I throw on some baggy clothes and walk to the window.
I try the handle and the door opens.
Stepping out onto the balcony I look down.
The distance enough to kill me if it ever came to it.
I would stand on the railing and jump instead of letting go and trying to make it.

I thought that if we ever saw each other again he would treat me like an angel.
I thought he would have watched the footage and know why I left him.
He obviously didn't watch it if he is still wondering why I left him.
I fucking love the guy...
He still treats me like shit even after all this time.
I love him, but I don't know how much longer I can love him.
His words chip at my heart more than the ones my father yelled at me all those times ago.
He is breaking my heart slowly and I don't know how long I can take it.