Loves a Fight

Chapter XXXIX Noels P.O.V

I feel someone holding my hand and I know exactly who it is.
Why am I here?
I wanted to be dead...
Why are they doing this to me?

"Noel..." His voice...
The tone reminds me of mine when I confessed all my pain to that man.
He changed...
Everything he has ever done to me has flown out the window.
All the good and the bad.
I never wanted to see him again.

"I'm so fucking sorry Noel...." He says and I feel something drip on to my hand.
Is he crying...
He can't seriously think I would ever forgive him for all he has done right?
He made me feel like I didn't deserve to live anymore...
Everything he said and did proved he didn't love me at all.
There was nothing left to talk about.
It was over and done...

"I wanted you to feel how miserable I was after you left..." His voice is strained as he tried not to collapse.
Why is he doing this?
He is trying to have me forgive him...
I can't forgive him...
He shattered my very will to live...

"I was so fucked up after you left. Waking up to find out you bailed on me.... On us..." He can barely hold himself together as he confesses his love.
I don't want to hear this...
He can't say he loves me now...
Those words are lies and he knows it.

"I hated you at first Noel..." He laughs letting go of my hand.
The longing feeling returns.
I still miss his hand in mine...
After everything I still miss him holding me together...

"Soon that hate turned into desperation. I was desperate to find you Noel. I looked everywhere for you and found nothing..." He says and I decide to make myself known.
He didn't fucking look anywhere because I never fucking left..

"I never really left you Kain..." I whisper opening my eyes and staring at the ceiling.
I don't look at him because he doesn't deserve to see me.
He doesn't deserve to see my heart breaking...
All he deserved to see was what he caused..
The slices in my arms...

"Noel...." He cries falling apart infront of me.
He makes me sick...
Acting like he would rather have me dead and then making it seem like he loved me the whole time.
It's just all fucking wrong...

"I watched you from a far the whole time... I made sure you never did anything stupid... I made sure you were never in harms way..." I say looking to my arm.
A large slash sits with bruising all around it.
Lifting up my other hand I look at them both side by side.

"So many gangs came after you during your time of weakness. I killed so many people to keep you alive. That day you found me..." I pause running my finger up the stitches.
A sting comes and makes me remember I'm still alive.
I don't want to be alive.
All I wanted was to finally be dead...

"It was an accident. I saw them coming and I couldn't shoot them without you getting in the way. I had to come down and save your ass. If I would have left you there none of this would have ever happened..." I drop my arms into the bed and finally look into his shocked eyes.
Now he finally knows all.
I was there the whole time keeping him alive...

"You were always there..." He looks even more devestated than before.
He thought I had vanished for sure...
I couldn't leave him when I knew he would just be stupid to make me come back...
I know him more than he knows me.

"I never left you Kain... I saw you walk with girls... I saw your eyes change and your body weaken. I saw it all..." I say looking to the boys.
They made him have all the girls though...

"I saw you all throwing women at him. As much as it broke my heart I thought you were finally moving on. It hurt because Kain I never stopped loving you..." I finally admit.
Kain stops breathing when he hears it clearly.
Last time he was slipping into darkness...