Thank You

Chapter 19: If You Want Something Done Right, You Gotta Do It Yourself.

I take a walk down to Erwin's office, which is a pretty long walk past the barracks where we stay. It was springtime so I didn't mind stopping to gawk at the trees every three minutes. After a long sojourn to Erwin's office I stopped right in front of the closed door. Just go. I repeated the two words in my head over and over again and clenched my fists, which were starting to get clammy and inhaled sharply. I held my breath for a while and narrowed my eyes towards the door. It looked old and broken on the sides, the door was wooden so it looked weathered down and there were little bits of the old wood sticking out. The hinges were obviously a combination of copper and aluminum and the doorknob was blue glass encased in a aluminum shell. It was a beautiful set and the door looked sturdy. I exhaled slowly and slowly raised my hand to the door knob. Before I opened it myself, it was flung open by a powerful force and left me flabbergasted. I shoot my head up to look at the powerful entity that just ripped the door open and it was Erwin. He was glaring at me with a concerned look on his face.

"What are you doing here, Cadet (L/n)?" His voice is quite powerful even when he talks softly. He raised an eyebrow and looked down mockingly at me.

"I must discuss something important with you, sir. May I come in?" I leaned over to my right and stuck my head out of the side of Erwin's large stature and looked in his office. I'm not gonna let him get to me.

He nodded and moved out of the way to let me through. I strode in timidly but determined, I won't let myself get caught up or distracted. I nodded my head in assurance and stood stiffly in the middle of his office.

Erwin came up behind me and put a strong hand on my shoulder. "You can sit down over there." He pointed his broad hand to a large brown armchair in front of his large desk. It was the only chair aside from his in the room. I nodded slowly and swallowed down my fear. 

"I know that I've been in your room, but I've never been in your office. I'm surprised I knew where the entrance was." I made my way over to the chair and sat down slowly. The chair made a lot of noise, so it seemed as if it was neglected.

Erwin proceeded to sit in his large black chair in front of me and fold his arms across his wide chest. "Don't make it sound like we're lovers. You spent one night in my room and you come crawling back like some desperate ex. Okay, what's up?" He leaned back a bit and propped his legs up on the desk.

"Well, uhm." I cleared my throat uncomfortably."I was wondering when I will be able to go on missions again." I tried talking quickly so he couldn't tell that my voice was shaky.

He looked straight into my eyes and just glared at me for what felt like hours. He then finally spoke. "Good question." His words were unusually cold and dry. He continued, " I will have to give it a long thought. I will speak to Levi about it when he arrives back from the mission. Until then, just keep doing what you're doing."

My eyes were throbbing and my blood pressure was rising rapidly. I shot up and slammed my hands down on his desk. "YOU GAVE ME THAT SAME DUMBASS ANSWER THE FIRST FUCKING TIME! I TRAINED MY ASS OFF FOR THREE YEARS TO REDEEM MYSELF SO I COULD PLEASE YOU!! I WORKED MY ASS OFF, DOING ALL THESE DAMN CHORES AND RUNNING ERRANDS FOR YOUR LAZY ASSES! NO ONE GIVES ME THE RESPECT OF A SOLDIER, THEY GIVE ME THE RESPECT OF A SLAVE!! I AM NOT A FUCKING PET AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT A HOUSEMAID. I DO THESE THINGS FOR YOU BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR SORRY ASS!!" I back up from his desk and look up at him. I pant out of pure anger and frustration and I clench my fists. "You better figure out what you're doing or I'm leaving. I am resigning from the Survey Corps and I will go back home."

Erwin kept the same straight face the entire time I was exploding at him and that made me even more angrier. "I didn't have to come here, I could've been a doctor and I wouldn't have to worry about my life or anyone else's being at risk. But I had a choice."

I slammed my pointer finger down on his desk. "I had a choice: Either die protecting your country or die wishing you did. My I inevitable path was death either way. No matter your path in life the results are the same; you die. But how you die is why everyone does the things that they do, they don't give a shit that they die. It's how they are remembered. I want to be remembered as a soldier, not a fucking coward!!"

I slam my hand down on his desk one final time and stormed out of his office. Some nerve, I grumbled to myself the entire way back to the barracks. What a joke they must take me for. I scoffed at the words and continued to grumble angrily. I arrive at the front of the barracks to Eren walking out. His face was bright and he seemed to be smiling. How odd.

He appeared to have seen me and ran over towards me. "Hey! (Y/ N)!!" He stopped in front of me and smiled brightly. "Armin looks better, I'm glad. Thanks again for taking care of him for me. I owe you one." He playfully punched my arm.

I was still a bit stiff around the edges but seeing Eren happy was both rare and reassuring. I chuckled lightly pretended that his punch hurt and rubbed my arm. "No problem. Anything for a friend." I gave him a smirk and chuckled again.

He was still grinning and stuck out his tongue playfully. "I will see ya later, (Y/ N). I gotta get ready for training tomorrow." He walked in my opposing direction and waved at me.

I smiled and reciprocated the wave back to him. "Bye, Eren! Tell Mikasa that Armin is just fine!" He ran off in the distance but I couldn't really tell where he was going. I laughed to myself for a small moment and then proceeded inside. I had to change Armin's bandages and check his wounds. I hope Erwin took me seriously. I'm so done with his shit. Now all I do now is wait.