Life Sucks, Then you Die. (Rick and Morty x reader [platonic])

Episode 1 part 1, Pilot

       I was in my bed, waiting for the sweet sweet release of sleep, when Rick barged into Morty and I's shared bedroom. I would say it was a rude awakening, but I wasn't actually asleep in the first place, so I couldn't technically be awakened rudely.
       He flipped the light on and I closed my eyes, it was painful. I heard a beer bottle clang against the floor, so I assumed he was drinking, and also that he had fallen over. More importantly, he was definitely spilling booze all over my (uncool) space rug. "You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me." He stuttered.
       "Rick, what are you talking about," I glanced over at the blinking red light from our alarm clock on the bedside table. "It's 1 in the morning. I'm too tired for your bullshit." I pulled my blanket up over my face, exposing my ankles.
       "I got a surprise for you guys." Rick propped himself up on my bed and spilled booze all over my blanket and shirt. I shoved him away and he staggered a bit before stilling himself. I stood up and took my super wet and disgusting smelling pants off and put on a pair of random sleep shorts from inside my drawer. Hopping up and down to get my balance under control.
       "It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about?" Morty sat up on the top bunk and talked to Rick.
       "Come on, I got a surprise for you." Rick grabbed Morty by the ankle and I barely had enough time to lunge and protect his head before it made some rather unpleasant contact with our floor. Rick dragged him across the floor and as much as I hated it I couldn't physically overpower Rick so I kinda just stood behind them both and let it happen.
       "Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard!" I flinched with sympathetic pain.
       "Lay off 'im, Rick." He banged Morty's head against the doorframe and that's when I decided to lunge after them and pry Rick's hands off of Morty. That was an unsuccessful endeavour and just ended up with me getting more bruises then I would have if I hadn't tried to "rescue" Morty. I already knew that I was going to lose that battle, I was half asleep and not as strong as Rick to begin with.
       When we got into the garage I propped Morty up and before I turned around to see exactly what it was Rick had for Morty and I, he shoved me into whatever he had made. I was too awestruck to really say anything at first, because somehow in all the time that Rick had between the weird shit he was pulling with Morty and I, he had time to make a fucking space ship.
       Like a literal space ship. Soaring through the sky and y'know, flying.
Rick shoved Morty into the front seat of the ship and took off. After a couple minutes of just peering outside at the night sky, and the lights from houses, and birds and shit I, finally decided to face the front. Morty's head was propped up by one of his hands and he seemed super unimpressed by this whole thing.
       "C'mon Morty, lighten up a little." I said. Morty grunted and slammed his head into the dashboard.
       "What do you think of this... flying vehicle? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage." I kicked a loose and leaking beer can away from my foot. Maybe Rick driving this wasn't the best idea in the world...
       "Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise?" Morty grunted. I giggled slightly at his exhaustion. I was tired too, but luckily for me I didn't fall totally asleep before Rick had barged in, so there was a significantly shorter adjustment period for me.
       "I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb. I had to create a bomb." My eyes widened and I leaned in closer to the two of them. There wasn't actually a seatbelt back here, which couldn't be safe. Morty's head shot up from the dashboard.
       "I'm sorry you had to wHAT?!"
       "What?! A bomb?!" Morty and I shouted at Rick.
       "We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start. Create a whole fresh start." Rick mumbled. I rubbed my face vigorously.
       "That's absolutely fucking insane, Rick! You can't just kill everyone! There are..." I tried to think of any friends I had down there other than Morty and drew a blank. "there are dogs down there..." Morty threw his hands in the air and grabbed fistfulls of his own hair.
       "Come on, (Y/N). Just take it easy, (Y/N). It's gonna be good. Right now, we're gonna go pick up Morty's little friend Jessica." I leaned in even further. Morty's hands rested on his knees, he seemed panicked. I was panicked.
       "Jessica? From our math class?" I barely had time to jump back before Rick accidentally socked me in the face with either his fist, or a beer bottle. My head hit the glass panel behind me and I winced, rubbing it with the palm of my hand.
       Rick draped an arm around Morty's shoulders. "When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam and Jessica is gonna be Eve."
       I shot forward and shoved Rick's face forward so he could actually see where he was driving. "Hey wait a fucking second, why does Morty get a gross fuckbuddy and I don't?" I was mildly offended, but at the same time grateful because clearly Rick doesn't know shit about my personal life and that's how I would like to keep it thank you very much.
       "Because you steal my shit and people find you repulsive." I scoffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest. Fuck him honestly, can't even keep a marriage together when his wife is with child and now he's talking to me as if he's a fucking love guru or some shit. This shouldn't be getting me as worked up as it is.
       "No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity!" Rick's eyes blinked out of sync, mine did that when I was really tired, (or when I was high but I was sooner to admit to murder then to admit to anyone that I got stoned).
       "I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not..." We hit a spot of turbulence and Rick spilled alcohol down the front of his shirt. "You don't got... Y-you don't gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty." I made a disgusted noise in the base of my throat and scrunched my face up.
       "What are you talking about, Rick?" Rick looked away from whatever we were flying towards completely and pointed at Morty. Christ he wasn't even driving at this point, just holding the steering wheel and forgetting completely about the dangers of not watching where he was going. What if we flew into a bird or something! That would be a tragedy!
       "You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty." I made a fake vomiting noise and gestured with my hands to indicate splatter.
       "Literally nobody was thinking that, you're fucking gross and drunk, Rick. I don't care about Jessica, please just listen to us!" Rick seemed to contemplate for a second.
       "You know what, (Y/N)? You're right." Rick threw his empty beer bottle to the back without looking. It nearly hit me in the head but I ducked at the last second. It shattered against the back windshield and the shards got caught on my scalp.
       "Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways." He pressed a button on the dashboard and the lights that were previously illuminating the ship with soft, green, light, turned harsh and red.
       "Arming neutrino bomb." A female robotic voice announced through some shitty home-made speakers. I slapped a palm to my forehead and thought hard about everything I learned about neutrino bombs. With Rick you tend to pick shit up, but as he mentioned before I had the tendency to steal his writings to learn otherworldly science stuff. It was more interesting then the boring human shit I could learn by simply hacking into MI5. But seriously, his neutrino bombs were mediocre at best, at least when he made them drunk. It should be a sinch to disarm.
       "That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel." Morty unbuckled his seatbelt and lunged over to grab the wheel from Rick's arms. Morty climbed on Rick like he was gym equipment and I grabbed his ear and hair with one hand each. Rick, Morty and I all shouted over each other and eventually Rick conceded.
       "Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I'll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden." Rick roughly landed in a desert and I tumbled out of the spaceship as fast as I physically could and got on my hands and knees, touching my head to the ground. As cool as it was to fly around, it would be much much better if Rick was, y'know, sober.
       "Oh thank God." Morty said offering his hand to help me up off the floor. After another second of breathing I took and stood up. His palms were sweaty it would have been nasty if 1) I wasn't used to his palms being ridiculously moist, and 2) my hands were equally soup-y.
       "You know what? That was all a test Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive. (Y/N) over here. They-They're fine they're already assertive. But you need to work on it Morty." Rick reached for a flask inside of his coat pocket. Before he could actually drink anything out of it he passed out, snoring.
       "Neutrino bomb armed." The robo-lady voice from inside the ship said. At this point I realize Rick wouldn't be able to save Morty and I, so I had to very quickly teach him how to disarm a bomb and then everything would be tickety-boo.
       "Oh, fuck."