Life Sucks, Then you Die. (Rick and Morty x reader [platonic])

Episode 1 Finale, Pilot

       I watched Morty exit the bathroom while standing in line with Grandpa Rick. "The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only." An announcer for intergalactic customs says over the intercom. She sounded exactly like a human announcer, but honestly I didn't know what I expected, gurgling, maybe? German?
       "Uhh, Rick, what's 'glarping'? And why does it need its own zone?" I asked.
       "Why is having two arms considered disabled on some planets? The answer is (belch) don't think about it. Look there's Morty." I look up and see Morty walking up to the two of us, shuffling uncomfortably.
       "I don't like it here, guys. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?" He asked Morty.
       "Judging by the way he's walking uncomfortably, I'd say yes." I felt obliged to answer, maybe I was feel a little guilty. I mean, that was a lot of shit to shove up a teenaged boys ass.
       "Can we just get this over with, please? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt." On the other hand... I am SO glad I bailed out on this. I've never had anything up my butt, (not sure if that's good or bad), and I never will. Now Morty's got two seeds up his ass and I've got none. "That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those Mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gunna be able to do
a-(belch)-all kinds of things with them. It's gunna be great, Morty. A-(belch)-all kinds of science. And (Y/N) won't get to do
any-anything because they didn't stick a giant seed up their butt." Ouch, that kinda hurt, I mean, not as much as having two mega seeds up my butt would.
       "I wanna do sciency stuff too though!" I pleaded regretting it pretty much immediately after saying it.
       "Don't be a whiny bitch. You didn't shove a seed or two up your ass. So you don't get to do science, all because you were being a little shit." Yup regret it.
       "Okay next through." The 'Gromflomite' said. I think that's what it is, that's what Rick told me while we were waiting in line.
       "Except you, you go over there." He stopped Morty and pointed to a big scanner thing.
       "Why does he have to go over there?" Rick asked. He sounded a little worried. Now that I think about it, that looked kinda like a weird alienated version of an airport's full body scanner.
       "Random check. He's got to go through the new machine." The gromflomite said.
       "What new (belch) what new machine?" I'm surprised Grandpa Rick didn't notice it in line. I did. It's a little intimidating, I never liked going through security lines, not that I ever actually had anything to hide, but that did nothing to ease the anxiety.
       "It's a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt." Welp. We're screwed, we're gunna be taken into custody and never see the light of day again.
       "Run, guys! Run!" Rick grabbed our arms and ran. We darted to the exit as fast as we could.
       "Red alert!" The stupid Gromflomite shouted. And right on cue a whole group of the stupid aliens started chasing after the three of us.
       "Ohhhhh!" Morty yelled, girlishly. Screamed, girlishly? I can think about this later. Rick pushed a container filled with green liquid over the aliens to slow them down.
Wait, was that a fetus?
       "WAS THAT A FUCKING FETUS? WHAT THE FUCK!"
       "Don't think about it!" How am I supposed to ignore that! It was a fetus in a jar! Who keeps that in customs?! Who the hell would keep that at all!
       I tripped into what I can only assume was an alien life support system that had some kind of life form trapped inside it. The alien was free and started running around and began aging rapidly. "What the hell!" I said, as it withered and died on the floor.
       "Don't think about that either!" Morty let's out another, not so manly screech. He sounded about half as horrified as I was. The weird goop inside that containment thing-y made my top sticky.
       After running a while longer we were cornered, but Morty thought fast and turned on the grappling boots all three of us were still wearing and climbed up the walls. "Nice thinking Morty!" I praised him.
       "The student becomes the teacher." Rick adds.
       We ran through the equipment on the ceiling before slipping to the ground. "Aah! Aw, hell, no, dawg. You know me I'm just trying to-." No one will ever know what the alien was going to say, because I just crushed him underneath your boots. "Oh my G-god! I'm so s-sorry!" I stuttered out an apology, not that it matters, they're dead anyways.
        "There is no God! (Y/N), better to get that through your head young so you don't end up like your father." I scowled, Jerry was the last person I wanted to be compared to.
       We make a break for some kind of computer thing. I assume it teleported or something. "I need to type in the co-ordinates to our home world, cover me."
       "Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't wanna shoot nobody." Morty said holding a gun uselessly in his hands.
       "Then give it to your sibling! They probably have better aim then you anyways." It's true. I probably do.
       "Besides they're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!" I shoot an alien in the leg and it drops down in pain.
        "Aaaaah! My leg is shot off!" Well they're definitely not robots.
       "Glenn's bleeding to death! Somebody call his wife and children!" Jesus he has kids! I felt way more horrible now, fucking hell, I just shot a father.
       "They're not robots, Rick!" Morty and I said in almost perfect synchronization.
       "It's a figure of speech, guys! They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just keep shooting, (Y/N). You have no idea what prison is like here! And drop The Shining twins shit, Jesus." I continue shooting at the Gromflomites accidentally killing some bystanders.
       "Holy crap! This is insane!" Morty screamed.
       "Easy for you to say! You aren't doing anything!" I yelled back. Rick finally gets the portal open, Morty jumps in immediately and Rick pulls you in by the arm.
       "Come on, (Y/N)! We got to get the hell out of here!" The portal opens up in the lunchroom and you and Rick come tumbling out of it and onto a table.