Life Sucks, Then you Die. (Rick and Morty x reader [platonic])

Something Ricked this way Comes (Pt. 1) ((Also a Message))

       Y'all, I'm not gonna lie. Rixty Minutes, is a boring fucking episode to write, and if you ever want to see another chapter of this book, I'm gonna have to skip over that episode, so that's what I'm doing. Sorry if you really wanted to see that one, but fuck all happens in the episode so... I apologize.
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       I was pretty sure the family was eating breakfast, or something, but I wasn't hungry. I was pretty nervous about the upcoming science fair, but all my ideas were being shot down by my teacher, because they were 'too complicated', or whatever. It's not my fault nobody in my class knew about quantum mechanics or particle physics... really, it's their fault. People should be more interested in learning shit, in, and outside of school. Not that I like school, I think it's total bullshit and it makes me want to tear my eyeballs out, but I do like learning and I think that they're different.
       "C'mon (Y/N), l-let's go ask Rick for help, he'd know what to do." I just grunted and climbed out of my bed. I didn't actually think it would work, if I thought of too 'big' of an idea, any of Rick's ideas would be huge in the eyes of my stupid teacher. We walked down the stairs, and low and behold, everyone was eating. Rick was working on this weird robot thing, and sparks were flying across the table, hitting Jerry. I wanted to laugh, but I'm pretty sure mom would yell at me, so I didn't.
       "Hey Rick, we have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. You think you could help us out?" Morty asked, I looked on expectantly, which didn't even end up mattering as Rick never looked up from his robot. I was hoping he would react to the puppy dog eyes, or something, even though I really knew he wouldn't and his answer would be the same either way. "Whatever." Finally, an answer to my prayers, I wouldn't be stuck doing something fucking dumb, and I wouldn't have something a little too much for me to handle. It'll be fine.
       "Well, um, traditionally science fairs are a dad-kid thing." Jerry looked away from his iPad screen, which really surprised me, he was worse then Summer with the hyper-focusing sometimes. Mom took out her phone and started texting someone.
       "Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing." Rick retorted, which I laughed at, because it was funny, also, I don't like Jerry, and I savor every moment someone else hates on him too.
       "Morty, I think it will be fun for you to work on a science project with your dad." I got a text on my phone. 'Your father is insecure about his intelligence.' I typed back, 'yeah, but also, he's an idiot and i wanna pass.' My phone buzzed again. 'I'll ground you if you don't work with your dad.' I groaned loudly, and held my head up to the ceiling.
       Morty elbowed me in the ribs and cleared his throat. "Yeah, dad, why don't we all do it together?" I tried to hide my distaste for this whole situation, but I don't think I was doing it very well, because mom was scowling at me, and mouthing something that I didn't understand but I assumed it was a threat. I don't know man, I don't wanna be grounded, but I also wanna pass my classes, maybe I could work on a side project or something just in case.
       "Yes!" Jerry punched Morty in the arm. "You backed the right horse on this one, kiddos! We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee and knock this thing out in two or three days." I cringed internally, this is a science project, not an art project, this better turn out good or I will slap a bitch. I noticed something far more interesting then Jerry and Morty, rick had finished his little robot.
       "What is my purpose." The robot asked.
       "Pass the butter." The little robot drove across the table, and dragged the butter back over to Rick.
       "Thank youuu." He cut a piece of butter off and spread it onto his pancakes. I think it finally dawned on Morty how fucked we were as he looked to Rick, and his programmed robot, to Jerry, and his stupid fucking iPad game dedicated to popping dumb-ass balloons. God we're boned. Morty walked into the living room to do his thing, and I went to get the crayons, because that's the only thing I think Jerry could actually ever use.
       Morty and I got some shit together, and Jerry did his Jerry thing. I think Rick went out with Summer, or something, I would have to talk to him later about borrowing his robot for the science fair. "Why don't we do a model of the solar system? That's what my dad did with me when I was your age." Wow, what a good idea, I can practically see the A coming towards me. Oh how proud my teachers would be. But of course, Morty agreed before I could say anything, so I was stuck with a stupid model of the dumb solar system.
       "You know, Rick's in his lab making cyborgs and wormholes and all that weird stuff, but this is real science! A man and his boy, making planets! Hey, how 'bout we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto, and then Jupiter-" I interrupted his stupid rant about what science is. It made me want to puke, he's actually so dumb, it physically hurts.
       "Pluto's not a planet, they changed it's status in 2006, which is what... 1, 2... 14 years ago? Get with it Jerry." Morty elbowed me again, I was probably going to have bruises by the end of the day if I kept mouthing off.
       "Of course Pluto's a planet, I learned that in the third grade." I huffed, hopefully Morty would have my back on this one. Considering the fact that I'm fucking right.
       "Well yeah, but you know, they changed it." So he did have my back, which is good, because I knew Jerry was dumb, but not knowing the planets was a whole other level. I took out my phone and looked it up.
       "Morty, nobody changed the planets."
       "Yeah, I just googled it, Pluto's not a planet." I felt triumphant, surely if he didn't believe me, he would believe a completely unreliable source run by people who could be bullshitting the entire article. God bless the internet.
       "Yeah, I heard about that, (Y/N). And I disagree." I was a little bit gobsmacked.
       "You... disagree?" Morty sounded just about as dumbfounded as I was.
       "That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. Pluto was a planet, some committee of fancy assholes disagree, I disagreed back. Gimmie a ping-pong ball." I definitely was not ok with this. Someone take me away because my father is a dumb fuck who 'disagrees' with scientific fact.
       "Um, ok, I just have to-"
       "Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto?"
       "Gee-no! Geez! I just gotta go to the bathroom! Dayum!"
       I was watching this mini fight go on, and hating it. He was so fucking insecure it's sad, maybe he would  feel better if he accepted the fact that Pluto isn't a planet and moved on with his life. "Oh. [coughs] Okay good. This is gonna be fun!" Morty left the room leaving me and Jerry alone.
       "So! We can just get started! Pass me a ping-pong ball, kiddo." I laughed and stood up stretching my back.
       "I actually am gonna go talk to Rick, as he is one of the very few people here who I can stand being around. Also, you're being an idiot, please, Pluto is not a planet, and I don't want to fail this project because of your insecurity." I stormed into the garage, leaving Jerry stranded, and feeling like an idiot. I think I was maybe being a little harsh... but he would get over it.
       "God! What kind of idiot actually believes they can just... uGh!" I knew Rick wouldn't care, but it still felt good to yell at someone. 
       "Hey, (Y/N), lemme ask you a question real quick. Does evil exist, and if so, can one detect and measure it?" I didn't really know what to say to that, so I just kinda... opened my mouth, and closed it again, trying to think of something to say.
       "Rhetorical question (Y/N). The answer is yes, you just have to be a genius." I smiled and walked over to the machine Rick was looking at.
       "Valid." I said.
       The machine scanned the golden microscope that he had somehow acquired and the computer he had connected to it showed an bar labelled 'iq' decreasing. "Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded." I didn't particularly like his use of that word, but I also knew it wasn't really worth any time to try and argue with him about it.
       "What a shit." I said, just trying to relate a little bit at least.
       "Language." I knew he was fucking with me, but I was also not in the mood for it so I just didn't say anything at all.
       The garage door lifted up, and Rick and I swiveled to see Jerry. "What are you guys talking about?" I was annoyed by everything today, so I was maybe a little snarky back.
       "Nothing, Jerry." I said, I'm pretty sure I was going to get into some shit for this, Jerry hated that I had stopped calling him Dad. He'd get over it.
       "You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you?" I threw my hands up into the air in frustration.
       "No, Jerry! Because I already know the answer, it isn't!" I crossed my arms as Jerry looked at me.
       "It's not." Rick backed me up, to which I gestured to him and looked at Jerry.
       "Shut up, Rick." Jerry said, rude much. Rick put his hands up in a surrender like stance.
       "Whoa." He said, eyebrow raised.
       "I don't care what anyone says. If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. Planet. Planet planet planet." Jerry stormed off angrily.
       "Stay scientific, Jerry." Rick retorted, always needing the last word.
       "God what a fucking dumb-ass." I said when Jerry was out of ear shot.
       "Language." Rick said again.
       "Fuck." Rick laughed and ruffled my hair, liquid dripping out of his mouth.
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Word count: 1749

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