Life Sucks, Then you Die. (Rick and Morty x reader [platonic])

Close Rick-counters of the Rick Kind (Part 3)

       "Not the time, (Y/N)." Morty mumbled under his breath. The hologram being projected showed all the places that Rick had been. (Also places that I had been after Rick got black-out drunk and I stole his portal gun to travel places that were less boring then going to my English class).
       "What? That's Rick-diculous. I'm obviously being set up!" I trusted Rick with my life, namely because several times my life had been in his hands and several times I had ended up alive. (Sometimes it came pretty close, but the majority of the time I came out mostly unscathed). Rick was a smart dude, if he really had commited these crimes, he would figure out some way to cover up the fact he had been to the scene of the crime. So while yes, it was possible that he had done this, 1) the evidence could have been easily deleted (I assume) and 2) I trusted him, I don't think he would have done this, he had literally zero motive.
       "Earth Rick C-137! The council of Ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you know becomes impossible to grasp. Also every ten seconds it stabs your balls." I was about 100% sure that Rick was about to get into a huge fight with everyone in here, so I made sure that the gun in my back pocket was easily grab-able. I wasn't sure if all the (Y/N)s had guns, but for my sake I hope they didn't.
       "I've heard enough." Yeah I figured. C-137 elbowed guard Rick #1 and tackled him into guard Rick #2, taking his gun and shooting through his own and then Morty's handcuffs. I jumped up and grabbed the back of guard Rick #3's neck and pulled his face into my knee, feeling his nose crunch. Nasty. I lifted my arms and Rick got my handcuffs as well. I grabbed the gun out of my back pocket and started sprinting towards the exit.
       "Run!" Morty ran next to me and gestured at the gun in my hand.
       "I thought mom took that after you shot Summer a week ago!" He said.
       "This one's new, I made it out of random shit in Rick's garage, clearly it was worth the possibility of being caught!" I quickly turned around and shot one of the Ricks with a sleep dart. I wasn't super into killing people, but knocking them out was never and issue of morality with me.
       Rick C-137 shoots into the side walls, floor, and ceiling with his portal gun. As the chasing Ricks pass the portals, several of them get set on fire, attacked by insects, dragged into the portals by tentacles or hit by falling pumpkins. We reached the end of the corridor, which cuts off to a moveable ramp which is currently down and blocked by a railing. We just leap right over it. As we fall, Rick C-137 shoots a portal beneath us which I pray doesn't take us to another stupid dimension that could kill us just as easily as a Rick guard swarm.
       It was buttworld. Of course it was buttworld. Where the fuck else would Rick send us. He shot another portal which we ran through, I shot another tranquilizer dart behind me and got a second guard Rick right in the face as he ran out of his own portal.
       This dimension had people made of pizza, which kinda sucked because I was hungry. "Rick could I just... like one bite and then I'm gone." Morty yelled and grabbed my arm yanking me through Rick's newest portal.
       "We don't have time for this, (Y/N)!" I mocked him a little bit, throwing a chair (that was made of pizza, by the way) behind me in the new dimensions that we entered.  When I looked behind me a Rick had run directly into the pizza chair and hit his head loudly against the occupant (which was a telephone). This is a weird, weird place.
       The next dimensions was what I like to dub "doopidoopidoo". It was just full of these weird, camel, bird, things that said doopidoopidoo over and over again. Rick shot a bunch of portals into the side of a cliff and I tore off a strip of my hoodie and threw it in front of a random portal, we ran into the last one. Hopefully that would buy us a little more time than if they just went through them all one-by-one.
       "That'll keep 'em [belches] busy for a while." Rick said. I put my gun back into my pocket and cracked my knuckles. This dimension had sentient sofa chairs, the chairs were people, and the phones were pizzas. Watching us walk out of a giant green swirling portal must have been such a mindfuck.
       "Those guys were wrong, right? You don't- you wouldn't kill yourself... y-yourselves?" Morty asked. I grabbed a phone out of the "hands" of one of the sofa chairs and took a giant bite out of it. It was soggy and stale. But was technically still pizza, so I ate it anyways. Morty looked at me with a disgusted look on his face.
       "'Course not, Morty! How could that profit me? Someone out there is killing Ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names. By finding the real Rick killer." I knew he didn't kill them. He was sociopathic, that much was for certain, but he didn't have motive, I knew he didn't have a motive!
       "I'm scared, Rick! Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons like that show Doomsday Preppers." Morty and I were quite fond of that show, we had binged like 3 seasons of it in a week.
       "Think about it Morty. When people are on the run the first place the police look is at their houses. It wouldn't be safe to go there now, and besides, I got your back man, we got this yeah?" I slapped Morty on the back roughly and smiled at him, hoping that it calmed him down a little bit. He was stressed, I was stressed, this was just really stressful.
       Rick led the three of us to a restaurant owned and operated by chairs. Morty and I talked about literally anything other than running from the government. "So, this planet eats phones right, so I wonder if the older the phone, the less money it costs?" I thought a lot more than the average person if I was 100% honest. Sometimes whole classes went by that I didn't pay attention to because I was just too busy thinking about literally anything other than what we were learning.
       "Or-or-or like, in the fancy French restaurants with the tiny m-m-meals. Would those be like, one half of a flip phone? Or like an iPhone X." I laughed and Rick glared at us before shoving each of us into people chairs opposite each other.
       Rick ordered "phones á la clams" Morty ordered "phonesgetti with phoneballs" and I got "cheesy phonellini". (I still wasn't quite sure how I was supposed to eat it exactly, but that wasn't about to stop me.) That was around 20 minutes ago. Rick was fucking around with his portal gun and since Rick clearly didn't want Morty and I talking, I just kinda sat and stared at my lap. Thinking. Which was my default.
       "Phones á la clams, phonesgetti with phoneballs, and cheesy phonellini. Anything else?" A fancy looking chair waiter asked us, he had a comical mustache. I always wondered what it would be like to have a mustache. Probably itchy.
       "Yeah, more phonesticks please." Rick waved the phonestick basket around, there was still a couple in there so I wasn't exactly sure why he was asking for more. I hadn't even had any yet. But frankly between all the thinking and trying not to talk to Morty and disturb Rick I hadn't really been super hungry. Hopefully the cheesy phone-pasta would taste better. I stabbed it with my fork and shoved it in my mouth. It was... surprisingly good. I was really expecting crunchy, metallic... well phones. But it just tasted like my dimensions cheesy tortellini.
       "You know Rick, when I first saw all those Ricks and Mortys, I thought 'gee, that kinda devalues our bond.' But then I realized that just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines." Morty had a fair point. Clearly if Ricks from all dimensions have Mortys and (Y/N)s, that means he really did, actually care about us. A lot of the stuff Rick did really made me feel like shit, but peppered in with the bad was some good, or at least human moments.
       "Yeah, it's gotta be that way. You're a camouflage, Morty." A... camouflage? I know what a camouflage is, but that doesn't...
        I swallowed my food. "Rick, what are you even talking about Rick. Camou... what? How can he be a camouflage, he's just a human."
       "Ricks have a very distinct and traceable brainwaves due to our genius. The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary brainwaves that make ours invisible. See, wh-wh-when a Rick is with a Morty, the genius waves get cancelled out by the uh," Rick cleared his throat. "Morty waves. (Y/N)s just mellow Mortys out, makes sure that Morty's panic isn't detectable." My jaw dropped.
       You have got to be fucking kidding me. Not only did Rick not care about me, he didn't even see me as a fucking person. God, everything I knew was a lie. I thought Rick was the only person that I looked up to who really understood that I wasn't... average. But as it turns out, I wasn't even usable. I was just here to make sure Morty didn't panic. He didn't need me to help him, he needed me as an emotional fucking support dog.
       "Um... because... our personalities are so different?" Morty asked.
       "Yeah, Mort. That's it." I didn't want Morty to know the truth. It hurt me a lot, but I had a horrible feeling that it would really really hurt Morty.
       "Oh, shit dog! My portal gun was hacked remotely, obviously by the real killer to frame me. But I was able to trace the signal. Come on, let's go!" I scowled, as much as I hated it, Rick was my best chance of getting out of here right now. So I sucked it up and followed Rick's lead.
       Rick and Morty put their spare clothes onto chairs and I took off my hoodie and put it on one with the same hair as me. I was livid, absolutely livid. Then, when two trios of Ricks, Mortys and (Y/N)s walked into the restaurant, we went and stole their car.
       Morty and I had to share a seat (I gave him the seatbelt, obviously, I was mad, but I was still a good big sibling (big by like a minute, but the point remains)). I crossed my arms across my chest and scowled. At least now when I got home I would have plenty of time to focus on school. Maybe I could advance a couple grades. Get a physics degree, apply myself to being better than Rick.
       "Are... are you okay, (Y/N)?" I looked over at Morty and frowned harder. I wasn't mad at him, but I couldn't help but be more mad when I looked at him. He was indirectly using me too. He didn't even know why I was so mad. We flew off through some kind of forest thing.
       I still can't believe what Rick said earlier. I didn't even factor into his fucked up equation.
       "Yeah Morty, just... remind me to talk to Mom when we get home, have some school stuff to talk to her about. Think I'll finally take the principals offer to advance a grade or two. God maybe I'll just graduate, this school is such bullshit, it's not even fucking hard." Morty looked to the floor. I didn't mean to yell at him or anything but God I'm so fucking pissed.
       "Man, this place is wayyy off the grid. This guy does not wanna be found." I rolled my eyes.
       "Why go to all of the trouble. Wouldn't he just need a Morty and a therapy dog?" I mumbled angrily.
       "(Y/N), you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is."
       "Oh am I, Rick! Because it seems to me like you-!"
       "Oh my god, look! There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building!" Morty shouted and pointed out. Rick and I were staring at eachother and glaring until he had pointed it out. Now that I saw it, I realized that it wasn't just people, it was Mortys. Thousands of Mortys just screaming and being tortured, pinned outside of the cyclical building.
       "Not people, Morty. Mortys." Rick pointed out.
       "Jesus Christ." My stomach turned grossly.
       "Wh-why would somebody do this? It's horrible!" Mortys hand gripped his cheeks, I contemplated rubbing his back or holding his hands, but then I realized that's just exactly what Rick wanted and decided not to. Maybe it was a dick move, but I was a dick and I was annoyed.
       "Well, one Morty's enough to hide from the bureaucrats. But you g- you get a whole matrix of Mortys and put 'em in agonizing pain. That creates a pattern that can hide even from other Ricks, motherfucker. I fiddled with a [belches] concept like this once." My jaw dropped and Morty's eyes widened to the size of saucers. I dragged a hand through my hair.
       "On paper, Morty, on paper! I wouldn't do this, it's barbaric overkill. I mean, you could accomplish the same result with like five Mortys and a jumper cable." Morty and I glared holes into his head. "Which I also wouldn't do! I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship."
       Rick, Morty and I explored random corridors in the dome and I thought about what my life actually was. In the terms of humanity, Rick was practically a God. In the terms of my life, Rick was the closest thing to a father figure I had. Which already didn't bode well, he was an asshole and a sociopath that didn't understand how human beings worked. I shouldn't have put any of my faith in him just because he sometimes was nice to me. I didn't need him. At this point I had read enough of his shit to make my own portal gun. It would take me a year or two of math and mixing formulas and stealing Rick's spaceship, but I could figure it out. Especially since now I was fueled by spite. I used to believe I was just normal, a goldfish, but now I'm sure I could do it.
       "You don't care about us at all! We're no different than that jacket you've got on! Y-y-or-or your stupid portal gun! We're just tools! We're just objects!" Morty yelled, I didn't even try to do anything about it and Rick looked at me funny. As if he expected me to say something or at least offer some comfort to my brother.
       "Hey, it's your choice to take it personally, Morty. Now for the love of god, be quiet! The point of this is to get the drop on the guy!" I continued to keep my mouth shut. Morty was right, he deserved to freak out about this. He was betrayed by Rick and rightfully so. He was an ass. God I can't fucking stand Rick right now. I can't wait to get home and never have to deal with his bullshit again.
       "You know what Rick, I'll tell you something! We're more than just your human shield!" We all stopped walking.
       "Yeah, that's right! You are! You're a perfect impenetrable sheet of human armour, Morty! Because you're as dumb as I am smart! Which is why when I say 'shut up' it's really good advice." Morty's eyes teared up and that's when it was just too much for me.
        "Shut the fuck up Rick!" I yelled and punched him right in the face. His eye bruised up and he fell to the floor.
       "What the fuck is wrong with you!" Rick shouted from his position on the floor. My yelling seemed to tip off some kind of alien species living in here, the crab looking ass things circled us and I took out my gun. I moved it off of stun and onto kill, something I didn't do often, but I needed the anger management.
       I quickly shot a hole through the head of one of the aliens and ripped off it's claw, sliding underneath one of them and hitting it in the back of the head. Then I grabbed Rick by the legs and slammed him into two of the other crabs. Finally shooting the last one and cracking my neck. "You're an asshole and I hope I never have to see you again after this. On that note, I can't kill the rest of these guys without you, so get up and stop talking." I offered Rick a hand, which he didn't take and stood up anyways.
       "Th-thanks (Y/N)." Morty said, I didn't acknowledge it at all.
       A Rick and a Morty with an eyepatch walked out of one of the rooms. The Rick was slowclapping. Where was I? The Morty looked strangely stoic, so I guess that answers the question of where I was. Morty didn't need me, so they got rid of me. Typical Rick, atypical Morty. Something was wrong.
       "Ooh, look at you, C-137! You're- you're dimension doesn't even need you around. Looks like your Grandkids just do all the work for you!" I frowned and crossed my arms again. Putting my gun back into my pocket and praying that they didn't notice.
       "The slow clap? Really? Kinda played out, dude." C-137 said.
       "Not in this dimension it isn't. In fact, hah, I invented it and nobody else has ever even done it here before." Their Rick wore a black shirt and had a gnarly scar on his lip. Morty stared at eyepatch Morty. I looked him up and down and he looked at me up and down, smirking slightly. Something felt really off about this Morty. He was... smarter, then my Morty. Which sounded awful and maybe was awful, but it was also true.
       "Well lah-dee-dah." Rick C-137 slow clapped. Evil Rick slapped his hands to make him stop.
       The crab monster grabbed me by the back of the shirt and I just let it happen. There was nothing I could do about it at this point.
       "I don't like the look of that Rick. We gotta escape."
       "I'm not helping you Rick, get someone else to do your bidding, fucking dick." Morty elbowed me in the side and I elbowed him back, maybe a little harder than necessary.
       "Don't be Rickdiculous, (Y/N)." Rick said, rolling his eyes.
       "W-will you stop saying that? It's stupid." The crab monster thing let go of my shirt, which was slightly damp.
       "Take his twins away." The Morty gestured at us to follow him. Which we did. Once we were alone I could overpower him and get Morty (and maybe Rick) the hell outta dodge.
       "I know what your planning, (Y/N)." Eyepatch Morty pulled a knife on my Morty. "Put the gun on the ground and kick it across the hall." Morty had tears in his eyes and he groaned slightly.
       I did as he said. Kicking my gun across the room which the Evil Rick picked up and inspected, turning it over in his hands.
       "Come with me." Morty and I did as he said.
       We walked down the hall silently. Morty and I weren't scheming and I had a feeling that we would probably be fighting for a little longer than I thought originally. I was a lot more pissed off at him then I initially realized.
       "In here." Eyepatch Morty shoved Morty C-137 into a room that was full of other Mortys. I shook my head. My anger was getting the best of me, I could have done something to get him out of that but I didn't. Stupid fucking human emotions.
       "I want to talk to you about something." Evil Morty led me into a stupid office and perched his head on his stupid hands and sat on his stupid office chair. "You're not like the other (Y/N)s I've met. You're smart. The (Y/N) from my dimension killed themselves. We didn't need them like the other Ricks and Mortys do and they took it to heart. I know what you found out today is hard, but we need you here. I saw your gun, did you make it? It's very impressive." My cheeks flushed. Nobody had ever seen my accomplishments, never said anything I did was impressive.
       "Thanks... but what are you saying?" I un-clenched my fists by my side, letting my guard down slightly.
       "I'm saying that I want you to stay here. I have a room full of (Y/N)s that I could throw you into, but I truly think your scientific abilities would be wasted among the others. You're the smartest (Y/N) I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I think that Rick and I could use your abilities to execute our plan to perfection. You're smarter than me, that much I can see. With your, and Rick's combined intelligence, and my manipulation, we could overthrow the council of Ricks easily. So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?" Morty walked to the other side of his desk, extending his hand to shake on it.
       I took his hand in mine. "We have a deal."
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Word Count: 3565

Is that... a cliffhanger I smell? It I S. I went way off script on this one, but I'm kinda loving where it's going! I'm so glad I decided to pick this back up again because writing it has been a fucking blast. Thanks so much for everyone who's stuck around and I hope you like where this chapter is going so far. I'll probably have an update out pretty soon since I'm really excited to write all the ideas I have down. Give me theories over what's going to happen in the comments!! Love y'all! ♡
(Edited, let me know if you see any errors.)