Life Sucks, Then you Die. (Rick and Morty x reader [platonic])

Ricksy Business (Part 2)

Dust swirled around the room where the wall exploded. As it settled the shadow of a tall, buff man showed through. "S-Summer I think Jerry's home. He got taller and ripped." I leaned over and whispered (turns out that I was actually yelling,) to Rick, who wasn't Summer, but it was too late now and I wasn't repeating myself. (Rick-peating myself?)
"Shut up you're so drunk." Oh she heard me anyways! Awesome!
Rick picked me up and held me in front of his face. I smiled dumbly. "No it's not Jerry." The dust settled (I had to hand it to the dust, great dramatic timing). "It's so much worse. Abradolf Lincler. Ugh" Wow, if even Rick didn't want him here, he really must suck. Well anyone I compared to Jerry had to suck.
"I thought everyone was welcome." Abradolf walked around and scared people around the room. He really did suck.
"It's not the same, Summer. Lincler is a crazed maniac -- just a misguided effort of mine to create a morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out (burp) it just adds up to a lame, weird loser." Summer grabbed me from Rick's hands and put me back down on the ground. I would have left, but finding out what the hell Abradolf was gonna do to Rick seemed a lot more interesting then going to talk to people and get asked math questions by people much much older than me. There's actually a 20 year old in my class that I tutor for money, the point is, high-school is depressing as hell.
"Rick, you brought me into this world, a suffering abomination tortured by the duality of its being." Rick drank whatever was in his solo cup, unamused. "But I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body!" No way this guy could take down Rick, he had guns and stuff, Lincler was just... I dunno actually, but Rick said he was weird so I guess he was just weird. Lincler walked towards us menacingly, but bumper into Brad, I knew him because Morty complained about how he was stealing Jessica, or something.
"Whoa. What's up, man?" Brad squinted his eyes and turned to face Lincler. There was beer on the front of his stupid, green varsity jacket. He must've spilled it when Lincler bumped into him.
"I have no quarrel with you, boy." Lincler said.
"Boy?" Brad shoved Lincler and stood in front of him. Morty took this chance to shuffle closer to Jessica. Go on Morty, you guys better bone down. "What's that supposed to mean?" Brad got closer to Lincler and he backed away. Was this giant behemoth actually scared of Brad? He was like 16 and Lincler had to be at least... at least older than 20 probably.
"It's just -- l-look, I-I don't know how you thought I meant it, but..." Lincler looked at Rick for guidance of some kind. I feel like if were to learn anything about tonight it would be don't look up to Rick. I did it and now I'm sad all the time and half-way to being an alcoholic, next all I had to do was abandon my kids and I'd be all set. Lincler... maybe looked up to him? He was definitely in some way, kinda like Rick's son, either way Rick was letting him down now.
"Don't look at me, dude." Rick put up his hands in surrender. I hope they fight, that's what this party needs, someone needs to get their ass kicked.
"Look, I'm half-Abraham Lincoln, so --"
"So I should get on my knees and kiss your ass?!" Brad nearly spilled more of his drink.
"Wow. Way to-" I cleared my throat and coughed. "way to pull the black card, asshole." Getting unnecessarily involved in their drama. Rick high-fived me, and Morty scowled, which I am intelligently choosing to ignore.
"No! I wasn't 'pulling the black card', but... you know?" Brad stuck his finger in Abradolf's chest, which was muscly as hell.
"What do I know? That the third reich will reign for a thousand years?"
"Leave him alone, Brad."
"Stay out of this, Jessica!" Brad turned around and shouted, getting beer on her dress. She ran out of the room, upset, poor girl, Brad really was a prick.
"Kick his ass, Brad!" Rick shouted, pumping a fist in the air.
"Hell yeah! Kick his ass! Kick his ass! Kick his ass!" Brad starts beating the shit out of Lincler, (somehow) and Morty ran after Jessica, Rick and I followed him. Well Rick followed him, he dragged me by the arm while I watched the fight, cheering the whole time. Brad actually, really, was absolutely kicking his ass. It was funny to watch a teenager kick the ass of an... 80 year old? I was a bad judge of age, I would make a really bad bouncer.
"Rick!"He yelled.
"What! (Y/N) doesn't get yelled at! Besides we just did you a favor, Morty." I peered around the corner to watch Lincler get his ass kicked, but Rick grabbed my shoulders and turned me around with enough force to bruise.
"They're too drunk to take accountability for their actions and I think we both know that." Morty pointed and walked outside to where Jessica was.
"Hell yeah Morty! You better get laid dude!" I stuck my fist out for a bump and he stared at it for a couple seconds and walked away.
"What a- what a- what a buzzkill, man. I can take accountability!"
"You're telling me." We stood in silence. (I'm sure normally I would have freaked out by now, awkward silences weren't exactly my jam, but I was too drunk to really give a shit about how long we weren't talking. I was the calmest I had been in two weeks.)
"So-"
"I'd rather fly into a dying star then have a conversation with you." Rick walked away.
"Fair enough. Fair e-nough."
Either 5 minutes, or 2 hours later, a green wave passed through me with a weird buzz and covered the house in a green glow. I walked to the living room to look out the sliding glass doors. With a satisfying 'pop', the house went from being on Earth, to being on another planet entirely. This planets scenery was way prettier than Earth's, it seemed like most planets were prettier than Earth. Earth was like the ugly step-sister of the galaxy.
The aliens were way weirder than humans. They were a nasty mucus green colour and had like, eight eyes and their mouths were huge. "Huh. Big star in the sky." Rick took a deep breath in. "Oxygen-rich atmosphere. Giant testicle monsters." I shoved Rick's face with my hand, which proved to do nothing.
"Sh-shut the fuck up, we'll be fine let's party!"
A random guy with his t-shirt in hand swings it over his head in excitement. He yells out and runs outside, only to be grabbed by an alien and stuffed into what I prayed was it's second mouth. Everyone in the house was dead-silent, so Rick quickly turns on a stereo. 'Just shake that ass, bitch and let me see what you got.' Rick started throwing it back and all of the remaining, un-"eaten" teenagers danced and screamed along.
After everyone forgot about the fact that they were on another planet, Morty, Rick, Summer and I met outside. "I swear to God, Morty, if it weren't for the fact that everyone's still having a blast in there, I would be so furious with you right now." At first I had been blamed for the random teleportation of the house, but since Rick saw the broken... thing, on the ground, I was let off the hook pretty easily. Rick was waving some kind of device around and drinking from a solo cup. Morty had decided I'd had enough to drink and had been supplying me with large cups of water for the past 15 minutes.
"Oh, man. Y-you hear that, Morty? You really lucked out with Summer o-on that one." Rick took a sip from his solo cup.
"How are you guys not freaking out right now?! T-the whole house is sitting in another dimension! I-I mean, w-what the hell are we supposed to do?! M-m-mom and dad are gonna kill us! I'm losing it here, Rick!" Morty waved his hands frantically.
I placed my hand on his chest. "M-Mort, it'll be all g-good dawg. Rick'll-Rick'll get us out of here, man. We're gonna be home in no time. Gonna be- gonna be smooooooth sailin' bro." This didn't really seem to calm him down at all, could be because I absolutely reeked of alcohol.
"All we have to do is go out and find us some kalaxian crystals." Rick reassured him, continuing to scan the area while I hung myself off of Morty. His device blinked red and beeped, I have to assume that meant there were kalaxian crystals somewhere around here. "Oh, shit, motherfucker! Kalaxian crystals, Morty, just a few miles South of here."
Morty grabbed me and Rick by the arm and tried to drag us out into the planet. I followed willingly. Rick however, refused to move, which I kind of expected. He'd wanna stay and party while Morty and I got his drugs. I remember my alien buddy telling me about kalax powder, supe potent and short acting. Honestly I was cool with it as long as Rick shared some. I threw another empty solo cup onto the ground and Morty gave me another one. I'm not sure where he was getting them exactly, he was probably a wizard or something.
"W-w-we got to go get those crystals right now, Rick." Rick pulled his arm out of Morty's tiny, tiny hand. I could literally feel myself getting less drunk. I had a clear-ish head, my tunnel-vision was clearing slightly and I could almost walk in a straight line.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Morty, Morty, I-I can't go with you. I got to hang back and make sure everything stays cool here, you know? I mean, who knows what -- what if somebody breaks something?" Lincler and Summer's flute friend walked onto the back porch. Lincler was holding a soda can up to his bruised face. It was kind of funny, I definitely would have laughed if I wasn't like 95% sure even in this state he could kick my ass.
"You guys have any aspirin?" He asked. Morty's grip on my wrist tightened.
"Oh, hey, Morty, this is perfect! You can take Lincler with you." Rick said, I smiled and nodded, moving my head to gesture at Lincler and taking a long sip of my water.
"Hey, man, I'm not going anywhere. I'm injured." He didn't actually look all that bad. I had worse from when Mom got wine drunk and didn't watch where she was swinging her bottle. I still went out on adventures when I felt like shit, so this giant man could definitely do it.
"Shut up, bro, you totally trashed our living room, come with us, it'll be fun!" I nudged Morty and tried to remove my wrist from his hand. He was too busy glaring daggers into Rick to notice that his fingers were definitely going to bruise.
Lincler, Morty and I walked away from the house. "Don't worry guys. I have a gun." I took out my gun which was set to... electrocute and waved it precariously. Morty took it from my hands. "Hey man, that's mine!" Morty held it slightly out of arms reach.
"You definitely shouldn't have that." Morty said, Summer was talking to Nancy.
"Take this, (Y/N), it'll show you where the crystals are." I forgot all about the gun that was taken from me and watched the blinking light on the top of the handheld. "That'll keep them busy."
"Let's go Morty! We-We're gonna get so many cryst-crystals dude! 100 years Morty and (Y/N)." He laughed awkwardly and frowned. I jumped off the cliff face that used to be the front yard and screamed.
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Word Count- 2023

Not sure how I feel about this chapter if I'm 100% honest. So that's fun I guess. Let me know what you think, I'll re-write it if I need to.