Wedding Flowers [Completed]

26.

One week later...

Ryder and I are sitting outside on the front steps of my house with a bottle of wine between us.

The weather is that perfect in between of warm and cool, with a breeze that makes Boomer pick his head up to sniff the air.

We were playing fetch with him until he decided it was a dumb game and chose to lay down with the ball instead.

Smart dog.

"The doctor cleared me," Ryder says looking out towards the setting sun. The mix of colors is something that is hard to take your eyes off of.

"That's great," I say with barely any enthusiasm. Ryder can tell. He chuckles and pulls me closer to him.

"Hey, hey! Watch the valuables," I say grabbing the bottle of wine and cradling it to me.

"You okay with this?" He asks.

"With what?"

"Me going back to work. The month I spent in the flower shop was great, but," he laughs.

I shake my head, "I'm fine. Can you just be more careful."

He nods.

"And now I need to find a fucking replacement. Good looking guy needed to sit on a stool and play word puzzles all day," I say. "That's the sign I'm going to hang in the window."

"You probably won't find anyone else as good as me," he shrugs.

We are quiet again. Sometimes the silence is nice. It's strange to feel so comfortable with someone other than Boomer. Even with him I try to fill the silence with nonsense.

I like being able to just be and I have never felt that way before.

I love you, is on the tip of my tongue but I bite it before I let the words out. I'm just not ready, I guess.

We drink more until I'm feeling dizzy and confident enough to say, "let's play truth or dare but only truths are allowed."

He smiles, "okay," and I can tell by the redness of his cheeks that he is feeling the same.

"I'll go first," I say. "Do you talk to your dad? You made a comment that you went to his wedding?"

He pauses, looks out towards the water, then back to me, "we are going all in, I guess."

I nod, "don't you think it's time?"

"My dad was around until I was nine. He left in the middle of the night. He thought I was sleeping but I watched him out the window. He had two suitcases with him and a few boxes. I knew he wasn't just going on a trip, I kept telling myself that's all it was. My mom tried to explain but I wouldn't listen. I would tell my friends, teachers, anyone that would listen that my dad was just on vacation."

I grab his hand, allowing him to be lost in his memory but also let him know I'm right here.

He shakes his head, "he was a shitty dad, Addy. I don't know why it hurt so bad to see him go."

"He was still your dad," I say resting my head on his shoulder, "it's okay that you missed him."

"He didn't really keep in contact until my mom remarried. Then he wanted me at his wedding too. I went. I think I was trying to hurt my mom. She just found out she was pregnant and I barely existed anymore. Shit that sounds like such a dramatic thing to say." He takes another long sip of wine and pours another glass.

We are silent as I figure out what to say and if his story is over.

He speaks first, "I want you to meet my mom, not while I'm in the hospital. She isn't a bad person or anything. She had me young then got a second chance at a real family. I don't blame her."

"Yeah, we didn't really get a chance to talk while you were in the hospital. She was, uh, friendly, though." I lie.

"Sure, Addy," he laughs. "My turn?"

I nod and try to ignore the nerves that have settled around us.

"How did your mom die?" He asks.

"I should have known this was coming," I groan. "Car accident. She was on her way to pick me up from college for winter break and slipped on black ice."

"I'm so sorry," Ryder says pulling me close again. I'm now lost in the memory of that night.

I was waiting in my dorm room for hours. The school was only two hours away and my mom insisted she pick me up. Graham offered and I offered to take the bus but she wanted to do it. She said she wanted to talk to me about something.

"I just wish I told her to stay home and I'd find another way home. The weather was bad and I knew she shouldn't be driving." Tears leak out of my eyes and I don't wipe them away. I'm okay with Ryder seeing me like this. I want him to see me in every possible way.

"It's not your fault. You know that right?" He asks.

My voice is thick with tears, "I do. But it's hard not to go through every 'what if' imaginable."

I only cry harder when Ryder rubs my back in soothing circles. It only makes me want to talk more.

"My dad was a mess. He couldn't look at me for a while. That's when I moved in with Graham. I couldn't take the silence anymore and then I decided I would live out our dream to make up for what I did."

"You would have made her really proud. And your dad is doing so much better. Life doesn't throw us anything we can't handle. My mom used to tell me that every time I'd be upset about my dad," Ryder says.

"It's good saying," I answer.

"Way better than the shit we thought up the last time we talked about sayings," Ryder says.

It feels like the weight of our words leaves with the cooling breeze leaving lightness behind. I feel better holding his hand while the world darkens.

It works. We work.

"Hey, Ryder?" I say.

He looks at me with an amused expression in his eyes, "yeah?"

"I love you," I say the simple words without breaking out in a sweat and without the world crumbling or any other dramatic scenes I pictured.

"Hey, Addison, I love you too."