His Little Devil

{21} Stupid Piece of Plastic

~Angel~

"For fuck's sake, SHUT UP!" I yell, covering my face with my pillow as Sir Cumberbatch the Fourth cries from the small fake crib I borrowed from Ella.

I don't know why he's crying. I've fed him, I've burped him, I've changed his diaper, which was horrifying, by the way. It actually pooped the baby food and peed the milk.

Shudder.

Anyway, it is three in the morning and the baby's been crying since one.

"ANGEL, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT THING UP, I WILL THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW!" Dad's voice yells from his and mom's room.

"IF YOU THROW MY GRANDCHILD OUT THE WINDOW, I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT AND SMOKE WEED WITH YOUR WINDPIPE!" Mom shouts at him.

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID PIECE OF PLASTIC!" Jayden screams from his room, which is next to mine. "I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE MY NEPHEW, I WILL FLUSH YOU DOWN THE TOILET!"

"JAYDEN TYLER PARIS, DON'T YOU THREATEN MY SON!"

Jayden storms into my room with his phone in hand. "I'm calling River."

"Why?" I question, rubbing my temples from the forming headache from Sir Cumbatch's wailing.

"Did you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, Sir Cumberbatch the Fourth wants his father?"

"...no..."

He dials River's number and puts it on speaker.

"Dude, it's three in the damn morning, what the fuck do you want?" River's raspy -and very sexy-voice comes from the other end of the line.

"Your son has been crying for two hours straight and hasn't shut up!" Jayden yells down the phone. "Come here and make its shut its trap!"

"Thank you, for bursting my ear drums." River thanks sarcastically. "And about my son...I don't wanna!"

I sit up and snatch the phone from my brother, making him pout angrily.

"RIVER FOREST HALE, YOU GET YOUR STUPID ASS OVER HERE AND MAKE THIS PIECE OF PLASTIC SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL RIP YOUR SMALL INTESTINE OUT OF YOU MOUTH, YOUR LARGE INTESTINE OUT OF YOUR ASS, AND USE YOU AS A SKIPPING ROPE!"

Jayden bursts out laughing. "His-his middle name is F-Forest?! BAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut up!" River and I yell at him in unison.

"Okay, okay, goddamn, woman. I'll come over." River huffs and I hear him shuffling around. "I don't need you ripping my intestines out."

"Good." I nod and yell one more thing before ending the call. "Oh, and bring me a hoodie!"

*~*

As soon as there's a knock on the door, Jayden is up and swinging it open.

"Go shut your stupid piece of plastic up!"

"Hi, Jayden. Nice to see you, too. I'm great, thanks for asking." River grumbles sarcastically, running a hand through his messy brown hair. "And don't call my son a stupid piece of plastic!"

"Okay, then go shut your amazing, wonderful, SOBBING baby up!" Jayden changes his sentence and pushes River up the stairs with me hot on their trail.

We all burst into my room.

As soon as River picks up Sir Cumberbatch the Fourth, he stops crying.

"So you like daddy better than me, huh?" I grumble to him, crossing my arms. "I see how it is, you stupid piece of plastic."