Allodoxaphobia ♅ Viktuuri

17) ''Yuuri, I Think You Have A Power''

A/N WHOOP! Two updates in two days! I'm now going to be updating this every Friday AND Saturday! I'm so excited because this is my favourite book to write at the moment so, in celebration, here is a stupidly long chapter!

SIDE NOTE: YES, AS THE TITLE SUGGESTS, YUURI DOES HAVE A POWER BUT DON'T THINK I'M LETTING ALL THIS FLUFF IN FOR NOTHING. TWISTS AND ANGST ARE ABOUT TO COME SO PREPARE YOURSELF XD

God, I'm too excited. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Viktor pushed the door open carefully, waving one last time, a fake smile plastered on his face. Lily waved back, her smile much stronger- clearly real. It made Viktor sick. He didn't mention it, though, as he left, closing the door behind him. Guilt was eating him alive. For what? He wasn't sure. He had nothing to feel guilty about that. What he had just done...that was fine, right?

Viktor shrugged it off, pushing his hair back into place, smoothing it down carefully. Without a mirror, he was sure it still looked a mess. Why had he let this happen? He sighed, he had no reason to feel this guilt nor did he have a reason not to. He was conflicted, his mind split between two people- two morals.

He still couldn't accept what he felt. He was in denial that he felt it at all. He lied to himself on a daily basis. He lied to himself about what he felt, what he could do and what he was. He denied everything. That smile masked the pain that forced him down when he was alone. He was in no way depressed, it wasn't that. This was something else.

This was the burden of secrets. This was the burden of ignoring a power. Although, he wasn't getting rid of that. Even with the option available, he knew what came along with getting rid of a power. The paranoia, the anxiety. All side effects of a bloody serum that would save him from everything. Except it wouldn't. His power wasn't all that he was holding back. Despite the painfully blissful release he had found when forcing his powers upon Yuuri, that wasn't the entire problem. No, this was more complex than that.

The serum would only make it worse anyway. He had seen it in action. That was the only reason he knew of it. The information certainly wasn't well-known. He knew the consequences of sticking the needle in his arm: it was so much worse than what he felt now.

Viktor finally pulled himself from his thoughts and fixed his bag into a comfortable position and walked outside and towards his apartment complex- it wasn't too far from the school and he was not in the mood for a taxi. A taxi meant a taxi driver which meant talking. Viktor did not want to talk.

-

Morning came but Yuuri was already awake. He had been all night. After being taken home yesterday, he had stayed awake. He had slept most of his time in the infirmary and sleep was a far away thought. But, despite a now awkward sleep schedule and what had happened yesterday, Yuuri had to come into school.

He had missed too much school and was now too far behind to have to catch up with anymore. It wasn't that anyone said he had to stay home, in fact, they wanted him to. But, he refused. The stress of work on his shoulders was only bringing out his anxiety again. He didn't ask for help, he wasn't like that, and without help, the work was impossibly hard- even with the internet.

That didn't stop him from trying. He was independent, that wasn't going to stop now. Even if it sent his mind to darker places than he ever wanted it to do. And now that his alarm had rang, he stopped doing the work at his desk, rubbed his eyes and got ready for school. He skipped breakfast once again but that didn't stop him from filling his bag with energy drinks if only to get through the day. Maybe the caffeine would help. Unlikely, it's said that caffeine increases anxiety and even if it did keep him awake, it wouldn't be long before Yuuri would break down and be sent home again if he took too much. He packed it anyway, he had stopped caring about risks long ago.