Allodoxaphobia ♅ Viktuuri

44) ''It Was You, Right? All Of This''

Yuuri had no choice but to go back to school once he returned home. His parents gave him a royal greeting and a whole table filled with bowls of Katsudon but he knew he could no stave of the impending dread of returning again the next day.

Viktor's disappointment, foremost in his mind, had hidden in the recesses of his thought and now, like a disease, it crept its way forward, taunting him.

Those at the centre had already video called him, most of them in and out of the centre themselves anyway, setting up a group chat for them to chat from each of their own separate states. Yuuri would go back to the centre on Saturday for a checkup: since his last...incident, they wanted to keep tabs on him.

When it reached nine o'clock and Yuuri was throwing himself, exhausted, into the bed he'd forgotten to miss. Burying his head into the plush pillow, he expelled the dread of reaching into his bag and getting out the small vial of the Serum. They had given him a purposefully small dose as to not repeat his previous actions but he couldn't help but crave the entire bottle to reach his bloodstream, vigorous and torturously pleasant.

Getting out the vial and the syringe, cleaning it with obsessive fervour, Yuuri put the needle in and gave him little more than a tenth of the dose he'd been giving himself before. Just a little less than suggested.

Pushing the needle into his arm, no longer requiring himself to look away, he pressed the orange liquid into his arm and sighed at the brief glimmer of kindness it gave him. It ended all too soon, his dopey smile falling into a frown, staring at the vial as if it had poisoned him.

He fell onto his bed, keeping his eyes squeezed shut. Don't get more. Don't take more. Don't get more. Don't. Do. It. Again. His eyes fluttered open and drifted to the needle before he could even stop himself.

He growled at himself, balling his fists until they bled white, straining to ignore the temptation. An hour passed and although his body had stopped begging, he remained wide-awake. The clock ticked passively, irritating him to no end until he reached up to it and turned it off, isolated by the silence it left behind.

The comfort of his bed soon turned to irritation as the sheets scratched his body and the soft pillow turned to what might as well have been a rock. When he finally fell asleep, it was with no comfort at all. Somewhere, in a dream, he knew he was begging for just another dose like some fucked up heroin addict.

Because that's what he'd become, wasn't it? An addict. Perfect, perfect Yuuri an addict. All his fault. All his fault. Always his fault. An addict of no devices but his own.

With the morning came achy muscles and sore groans. He hadn't woken this early in weeks, his alarm blaring threateningly at him. Get up. Get up! Smashing his hand against the button, he buried his face into the pillow and groaned, stretching out his muscles languidly.

School. Yes, school. That was what he had to do now. With a grunt, he tugged himself from the sheets and collapsed onto the floor, scavenging for his glasses on the floor; he'd heard them clatter off his bedside table last night, it had been too much effort to pick them up.

Finding the edges under his fingers, he put them on, trying to ignore the sweaty fingerprints he'd left behind on the lenses.

After fumbling for the light and rifling through his drawers, he took out the small vial of amber liquid and examined its contents with a suspicious eye. Squinting behind his glasses, he tilted the liquid to the side, watching the flecks of gold shimmer and die.

How much was it again? How much was he supposed to take?

With almost OCD-like precision, he washed the needle. A germaphobe-like reaction, really. He pushed the thin end into the top of the vial, through the minute hole and pulled the syringe up, watching the orange liquid come under the harsh, yet warm, light of his bedside lamp. His fingers dragged too far; he wasn't paying attention. Surely by now, the syringe was half full.