Healing [MEANIE]

SC: The Letter

To: Wonwoo Jeon

For July 17, 20××

Happy Birthday and Congratulations. Alam na alam kong hindi mo ito bubuksan after....siguro weeks or months, im sure aabot ng years. When you're afraid, you behave like that base on my observations. Pero malay ko ba, baka basahin mo kaagad hehehe. Sana basahin mo kaagad ito.

Dear Wonwoo,

     So, how are you? I'm quite okay. Kung binabasa mo man 'to, ibig sabihin, nakalayo na ako, or I'm not beside you, or I am gone. I sent this letter to you  to say everything. Lahat ng gusto kong malaman mo, nandito. Lahat ng hindi ko sinabi kahit na sa mga kaibigan ko, nandito. Sana maintindihan mo ako.

First of all, I'm sorry. Alam ko na naging malayo ako sa inyong lahat nitong nakaraan. Sorry talaga, I need to do that. To make things clear, to focus, to think, and to decide. Alam ko rin na galit sakin barkada mo, halata naman eh, kay Jeonghan palang alam ko na. I could also tell a part of you hates me.

Next, I'm sorry, again. Pasensya na hah? Palagi nalang akong nagsosorry. Sabi ko pa naman hindi kita sasaktan, pero sinasaktan na naman kita at sasaktan na naman kita.

Aalis uli ako. Hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko pang umuwi pabalik o doon nalang ako maninirahan kasama nina mama. Hindi ko alam kung babalik pa ako, and I don't know if that night was supposed to be our last night together and the very last time I'll see your pretty face. But I want you to know that the night when you and I are...you know, in one room, was the most memorable night of my life. Yep, naaalala ko lahat. And I don't regret every single kiss I gave you. Ang galing nga eh, first kiss natin isa't isa, nung nalaman ko yun, kinilig ako (ang bakla ko kiligin pramis), at nung sinabi mong mahal mo ako nung pasko, I fucking want to punch myself for being an asshole. I swear, you know I'm a big fan of yours. I mean, WOW. The WONWOO JEON likes me and we KISSED, sinong tao ang hindi kikiligin sa'yo? I rejected you though... you deserve someone who could see how much you've grown and could treat you the very best, and I am not that person. Pero still, naflatter ako.

Pasensya ka na hah, hindi ganun karomantic first kiss mo. And cliché ng rooftop, buti kasi kung katulad ako ni Jun humalik, expert na yun alam niya kung saan ang tamang lugar at ang atmosphere, kaso ako amateur. Isa pa, pasensya ulit, kasi hinalikan ka ng isang tao na hindi worthy sa pagmamahal mo, I kissed you because I thought it would make up for all the lost time and moments. Atsaka...um, nakakahiya mang sabihin but I think you deserve to have a kiss from your first...love(?) Sabi nila ako daw ang first mo...just for your information, I'm blushing. First kiss ko rin yun so...xnsindhs. Unfortunately I don't know if it did replenished the lost time. Did it?

Thirdly, um...I want you to be the first to know that I am slowly losing my eyesight, ang alam kasi nina Vernon (yes may alam si Cheol at Non) e malabo lang ito at mattreat pa, pero sa totoo lang parang hindi na.

Nagstart sa corners ng mata ko, tapos biglang yung gitna nalang ang malinaw. Sabi ng doctor, maraming lunas kahit hindi pa rin ako makakakita ng tuluyan pero walang mura. Sa U.S daw meron. Kaya sabi ko sayo aalis ako kasama pamilya ko, sabi nila magtatrabaho raw sila doon, para makaipon rin daw pangpagamot ko. I think they plan to work for a year, saka pag medyo nakaipon na, edi start na ng treatments. Then they said I should stay home and study on my own, ang boring nun. Naiimagine ko na mangyayari sa akin.

Ngayon, I plan to get myself out of your life. I know you don't want me away from you (lalo na dahil sa nangyari recently, you know...I'm drunk so...sorry pa din, ang paasa ko), but so do my family. I have to choose, you know? Sasaktan kita kasi kailangan rin ng kasiyahan ng pamilya ko, and I think mas magagalit ka sa akin kung pipiliin kita over my family dahil sabi mo family comes first. Besides, I have only one family, and you have made 11 dear friends. You can replace me, on the other hand, I can't do that to my family.