Red Love

Chapter 31

Warning:Contains the subject of suicide
(If you are sensitive towards this, I would recommend skipping this chapter)

My thoughts run in a million different directions as I run my fingers up and down the blade of the knife. I look around Jason's room, trying to decide the best place to do this and to get one last look at the place.

This is the best thing to do. It's the best way to end the torture. All of it. No more notes, no more names, no more looks, it will all be gone in a quick second.

I look back down at the knife Alfred handed me, a small pang of guilt pulsing through me. I feel bad for lying about the use of the knife. Jason didn't ask for it, I did. Next, I turn my attention to the door, debating whether or not to lock it. If I don't lock it I risk the chance of someone walking in on me, but if I lock it there's a chance no one will be able to get in for a while, and that would make the others suspicious or scared or worried. I rethink the chances. The chance of someone walking in are somewhat slim. Barbara and Stephanie are out, Kody and Dick are watching a movie, Bruce is at work, Alfred and Cass are doing laundry, Tim is typing a report, Kat is taking an nap, and Damian and Jason are training down in the cave. I decide not to lock it.

I reach down in my backpack and pull out pieces of paper and my phone. I place them around me and try not to look at the writing on them just yet. I had never shown any of this to anyone, so I had made up my mind that I would put this close to me when it happened so the others would see why. I look around Jason's room once again before getting up and going to the balcony doors, my stuff in hand. I open the door, immediately met by pale sunlight.

It's a pretty day, a day where everything should be happy and nothing should go wrong, but nothing is happy, not in my world. I think back on a memory. I think of a time back when I was younger, when my life was simple. I remember I was upset about something that had happened, so Aunt Kathleen decided to take me to the park. We played for hours just her and me. It was perfect. It was a sunny day like today, and I was happy, nothing went wrong. I wish so badly to be able to go back to that day, but I can't.

The memory makes me somewhat happy and causes me to wonder if this is really good idea. Should I really kill myself? Sure, I would end my suffering, but what about other people? What about Aunt Kathleen and Jason? Wouldn't I be hurting them? Would they feel responsible for my death? Knowing that if they only paid more attention they could have stopped me, they could have stopped everything. They would have to live the rest of their life in guilt and misery, mourning me until the end. And what would this do to Aunt Kathleen and Mark? Would Aunt Kathleen be able to call Francine her niece if she found out what she had done? How could she give Francine her love and affection after this? Then, what about Mom? Sure, she's insane, but I know she still cares. What kind of destruction would she cause if she found out? She's insane, which makes her unpredictable. She could take this to the extreme and do something like murder Aunt Kathleen and Mark's entire family. I don't want that to happen.

But then, there's me. This whole situation makes me feel awful about myself. How different would my life be if I didn't go through with this? Would I be able to walk the halls of Gotham Academy normally ever again? Would I ever be able to call Francine a cousin? Or Dina, for that matter? I know Dina wants to step in, but she has so many people holding her back, so many people she's scared to give her opinion to. How would I deal with Mark living in my house, constantly showing hatred towards me instead of even a sliver of love? And what if Aunt Kathleen found out later in life? Would this cause her to feel as though I betrayed her, that I don't trust her? I don't want that either.

I have to go through with this. I've decided...this is what I want. This is what needs to happen in order for me to be truly happy.

I take the first step on to the beautiful and clean balcony, my toes curling at the feeling of cold marble. I look out over the garden and wonder how much damage I would cause if I jumped. Not enough.

I step back a little so that I stand right in the middle of the balcony, and dropping the letters and my phone on the ground, I poise the knife right over my heart. This is it, this is what I want.

I stare at the the dagger that will end my life and find myself choking on body-racking sobs, tears trying hard to escape. I take a deep breath and move the knife a little closer.

Slowly, inch by inch I move the knife, a little startled when I feel the cold point on my skin. I close my eyes and back the knife up to arms length. I need a good, hard, fast jab to actually do anything. Then, I begin counting.

"One." I whisper. Deep breath.

"Two." I'm sobbing now.

"No!" I hear someone scream.

Next thing I know the knife is being smacked out of my hand, and I'm being pulled into a pair of strong, warm arms. I immediately realize who's they are. They're Jason's. By now I've let go, and I'm in all out hysterics. I'm sobbing, shaking, and mumbling all at the same time. Jason shushes me while stroking my hair, trying to calm me, but I can tell he's hesitant towards the situation. I'm sure he's never experienced anything like this before.

Jason picks me up bridal style and moves me to the bed, setting me down gently. Then, he climbs in next to me. He cradles me and still tries to calm me and stop my sobs, but soon enough he realizes it won't work.

"Lucy, why?" He ask, his voice laced with true concern and even tight like he's holding back his own tears.

I don't answer him just shake my head and point towards the notes that were left on the balcony. Jason carefully unwraps himself from me and gets up to examine the pieces of paper. He slowly reads each one over and over, then scans the text messages and pictures on my phone, his face growing red.

"Who?!" He demands. "Who did this?!"

"Francine." I sob louder. Saying her name just makes me more upset.

"That's it, I'm calling your Aunt, Francine's parents, and the school." Jason marches through the room.

Knowing how this will end, I throw myself at him. "Please, don't." I plead, my tears soaking the collar of my shirt. "Please just let this be our little secret. Please don't tell anyone, not even your family." I grab Jason arm and sob my pleas into it.

For a moment, he's silent. "Fine. I won't tell anyone. Just promise me you won't try something like this again, and if you ever have another problem like this, please tell me." Jason says, crawling back into bed with me.

I nod with tears still in my eyes, on my cheeks, and soaking my shirt. For the rest of the night, I just lay there in Jason's arms, allowing my self to cry everything out. All my pain, all my frustrations, everything. I just need it all gone. And with Jason, it is.

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Soooooooo...how is everyone? *awkwardly smiles while playing with hands* Yeah, ok, so I have a feeling I am not your favorite person right now.

Anyway, hey guys. What do you guys think? I promised action, didn't I? And this is only the beginning. Now, I've been reading through the comments and have seen that some of you are ready for a Joker appearance. Don't worry guys that is definitely in the plans, has been for a while now. You just have to be patient. Thank you, guys

Until next time