LETS START AT THE BEGAINING(LAMS)

Thank you, i'm sorry, i'm alive... kinda.

I'm so so sorry, I know I've promised a comeback at least like 7 times and it's been weeks to a month between updates. I feel so awful about this especially how I used to update once or twice a day. But the truth is I just can't do that anymore. Honestly I haven't listened to Hamilton for 4 month before today when Alexander Hamilton came on in shuffle.

I broke down crying about ten seconds in to the song. I used to listen to this musical all the way through 1-3 times a day. I couldn't help but remembering how much simpler and happier and easier my life had been in July( when all my friends really got in to Hamilton). I had discovered Hamilton exactly one year ago today is what I realized. I put on the rest of the musical and subbed for 2 hours. I have never before cried in a book musical or play. The only other time I cried like that had been in July when one of my friend died from cancer. Every word in the songs seemed to bring back another painful memory. From laughing in the pool with my friends while dancing like a crab to Alexander Hamilton to sobbing i'm my bunk bed at camp when they told us the news that Emily was gone while the story of tonight reprise played in the background. The days without stress and anxiety when I could sleep at night without being afraid. The days when I didn't have to fear a 89 on a test. They days when my friends would notice if something was wrong. The days when I laughed and smiled. The days when my friends wouldn't leave me if I couldn't keep up. The days when people noticed me. The days when I had the ability to be loud and fight for what I believe in. The days I had two fully functional arms. The days when Katie was my best friend. The days where I even dared to call people my friends. The days before everyone started calling me a monster or a maniac. The days when I could wear my leotard in dance without wanting to die of embarrassment. They days when people didn't say to my face they hated me. They days when my full effort didn't leave me still useless. I would give anything just to be back in the extra bedroom writing on the mirrors and singing on the bed, assigning our friends parts In the musical as jokes. Watching the Hamilton documentary with Katie and Sarah. Spending almost every weekend in that bedroom singing and laughing. I hadn't even thought about any of that I had blocked it all out over a few months. I remember when I got 1K reads on this story and got so exited. I couldn't tell anyone but I was so happy.

If you read that whole rant thank you so much, i'm sorry if it's really bad and repetitive, i'm still crying and shaking a bit. I'm sorry for all my broken promises. I'm sorry for the inconsistency. I'm sorry. I can't say I'll update soon, I can't really say I'll update. I really want to update at least one more time to tie everything together. Ill try even if you all won't be there. Thank you to everyone who's been here since the beginning. That you to everyone who said they liked this. Thank you everyone who voted. Thank you for everyone who gave advice. Thank you for everyone who said they hoped I got better when u was sick or injured. Thank you to everyone who was a critic, thank you to the people who commented amazing things. Thank you to everyone who felt emotions in this story. Thank you to those who read my other books, even the new ones. Thank you to everyone who suffered through this whole thing. I don't know if it was because you hate to leave something unread or you actually care or you just skimmed it. You still took your time to at least glance at what I had to say and that means the world to me. 🖤🖤🖤🖤

And hey... why not ask some of your friends to read this story? I want a few more people to see it before it's done.