LETS START AT THE BEGAINING(LAMS)

Chapter 43 (The End)

JOHN POVV

"Explain yourself John" they said to me

But I couldn't, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to explain, I didn't deserve to get to explain myself

ALEX POV

They were all here finally. I mean it wasn't a god thing but it had a certain sweetness to seeing all of us in the same place again. I haven't told John that I've been watching him for the past few decades. He just got here, the only one who recognized me right away was Laf and the sisters. John is so different than when I knew him. His once kind smile is and angry scowl and his shirt grey hair is gelled back. I went up to say something to him.

" hello John" I said walking up to him with a smile

" get away from me child," he growled pushing me back " i have more important things to do than deal with children"

He walked past me not even looking back to double check who I might have been as he walked away. I saw him scoff and mumble something to Laf as he passed and the look of what I could only describe at pain and anger mixed with sadness and unwilling understanding and upset acceptance was on his face. Hercules sadly put a hand on his shoulder as what must have been an attempt at comfort. Laf just brushed it off with a movement of his shoulder, not saying anything. As I watched him walk away, as I finally saw him for who he was with no denial or hope. This was not the young man I had known in my short time at college, this is not the man who Hercules and Lafayette had known and who's kids their kids had been friends with. This is a cold dark man, this is aa man corrupted by time and life, destroyed by his father, the man who turned a cold shoulder on to one of his children because his looks reminded him of his father and his actions reminded him of who he once was. The man who had realized that he had become what he wanted least to be and still not changed even for a minuet. That's when I realized, no one could ever love John Laurens

JOHN POV

I walked away from them and made so many mistakes doing it. I knew what I needed to do to tell Alex, to tell the others too. I need to write. Over 200 pages later I'm finally finished 

But here I go, this is the story and best explanation I could give of whats happened and what I have done. Its over now, I know you didn't enjoy it much. I'M so sorry.
- John