I Fake That Smile! ( Completed Watty Awards finalist 2012)

Chapter Four

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Thanks a million Mel Xx

Chapter Four

School was going good, as I was managing to avoid the cheerleaders more, although the couple of run inns I did had with them, were minor. Graduation was coming up soon, and as much as I wanted to graduate, I was scared as well, as that means life for me was going to become harder.  I have only two exams left now, which is also when, I will find out whether I got a scholarship or not. Therefore, I had my fingers crossed, as I prayed and hoped that I would get it.

 I have also been sleeping in the train station more often, and without being noticed.  Which I was grateful for, as I could not even walk near the park, No mind sleep there, anymore without having flash backs of that night.

Today, however, is the last day of school and that I am glad for, but also petrified, as now I will have to find something to do with my days. I just hope that Chris will be able to give me extra shifts, that way I will not have to walk the streets all day and night.

 As I walked into school, I noticed the cheerleaders, and all the jocks leaning against the lockers. I turned and started walking; well running in the other direction, as today I really was not in the mood for any of them. As today, will be the day that will decide the rest of my life. It was all right for them though, as they all had their rich mummies and daddy has to pay for them. Where I have no one, I even had to stay awake all night, revising for this test so I could get a scholarship.

 I could hear footsteps running up behind me, so I started to push myself, to go faster. Nevertheless, where I had not had much sleep last night, I could not keep it up. The next thing I knew, someone had picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I started to panic, as I could see the toilet door ahead, so I knew exactly where taking me. As they had done this to me loads of times in the past. They used my body to push the door open, and then flipped me round and shoved my head down the toilet, where they then flushed the chain. They held my shoulders down as I struggled to breathe, as the water was going against my breath. I heard the bell go, and everyone ran out leaving me there soaking wet. Sliding my back down the wall, I ended sitting on the floor, I just cried, as feeling too exhausted to fight anymore.

 Shall I just give up? I asked myself, and before I could think of any reason, the school nurse walked in and began shouting at me. “Get to class now”. I felt so lost and alone, and all I wanted to do was to give up! It would be so much easier if I were dead, I told myself. However, then I thought of, how much I have struggled over the last five years for this day, and there isn’t anything, or anyone, that was going to take this away from me.

 I got up and quickly tried drying myself off a bit, before I headed to the hall. I knew it was safe now as everyone would be already in the hall, as the exam was going to start any minute now. I ran all the way and just made it before the teacher closed the door.

 Two hours had passed, and I was on the last question when my mind went blank. I knew, I knew the answer, but for the life of me, I couldn’t seem to think of it. Then I heard the examiner call out,” five minutes remaining”. I began to panic, as I knew I needed to complete this, but I was so tired and mentally drained that I just could not seem to think. Putting my pen down on the table, I closed my eyes and took in some deep breaths; this was something I found helped me when I studied. Then with only seconds left, I picked my pen back up and reread the question, which thankfully I knew the answer, too this time. Quickly writing the answer down just before the alarm went off. I left out a breath, that I did not even realise I was holding. I stayed seated until the hall was cleared, knowing it would be safer.

 Now it is holiday time, everyone from school will be hanging out even more. Which also means it will be a lot harder to hide, and that I will have to keep an eye out, more than usual? Just thinking about it was giving me a headache, how the hell am I going to cope, I thought to myself.

 On arriving at work, Chris called me straight into his office. I began to panic as I tried to think of anything I had done wrong. ”Sheena, I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I have to let you go”, I sat there in shock which then turned to panic to sadness. Tears started streaming down my cheeks, I could not hold them in anymore, and it was as if the last five years of bottling up everything had finally exploded. I do not know how long I was there for, but Chris had not said a word the whole time. He just sat there with a shocked expression on his face, as he stared at me. Wiping my eyes while I straightened myself up, I  walked out of  his office, and back on the streets where will be probably be my home for the rest of my life, I thought to myself.

As I walked along the sideway I stopped and took a look around me, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from crying as I looked at my life right in front of me , the streets of Abbeville. I began walking towards the train station so I could count the money I have managed saved, so I could think on what to do next. I knew what I wanted to do, however, I promised Cherelle that day in hospital I would only call in an emergency, and however bad this seems, I knew it was not an emergency.

As I arrived at the train station, I noticed that there were police everywhere. Feeling nervous and anxious, I started to walk towards the lockers but as I got closer, I began to break down. They had tapped off the lockers section, as they were all smashed up. I stood there in shock as everything I own in my life was in that locker. Why god why, I asked myself, then feeling something snap inside of me, I began to scream. I felt someone place a hand on my back; flashes of that awful night of my attack came flooding back. I began to panic I tried to fight off whoever put their hand on me, only to be wrapped into someone’s chest. My body began to relax, as the feeling of comfort and safety flowed throughout my body. I collapsed into his arms as I let myself cry. Moments later I felt the person that was holding onto me back away, grabbing on to him I pleaded “please don’t leave me please I  began sobbing again uncontrollably. He then picked me up and walked me over to a bench where he sat me on to his lap. “ I won’t leave you, I promise” he replied, his voice was deep but soft, I felt a warming feeling inside of me helping to ease the pain I was feeling. I looked up at the poor man I had held onto for god knows how long, only to lock my eyes with the most gentle and softest eyes I have ever seen. There were a deep chocolate brown with flecks of amber through them; they looked so sad and concerned that I just wanted to make him feel better. “I am so sorry,” I said sincerely. He just continued looking deeply into my eyes until an officer came up beside us startling him. You are wanted, over at the scene, he just nodded. “I will be back in a minute please don’t go anywhere,” he said, as he looked into my eyes one last time before leaving. I sat for a minute before I felt like I could stand again. I stood up and made my way over towards the Ladies toilets were I locked myself into one of the cubicles, not knowing what I was going to do now. As I had no money, no job, and still had no one to confide in. “OH God please help me, please” I pleaded as I felt my body fall into the darkness.

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