Tell me all about it (Drarry)

It could have been different

"Malfoy" Harry's voice cracks a little bit, it's been a while since he talked out loud, Malfoy doesn't move, and Harry can see that he's considering turning back and fleeing, but now that he has finally seen him all the confusion about this encounter has been cleared inside his head. He lifts himself up to a sitting position.

"Wait" he says just as the blond boy gives a step backwards "there's space enough for both of us" he won't ask him what he's doing here, he doesn't really care, but this might be the chance he has been looking for [do everything you feel like you need to Harry, apologize to people, if there's something you want to try, make new memories, love... everything the war stopped you from doing, do it for the sake of getting your life on track again] his counselor advice sounds logical, and this boy deserves so many apologies from Harry that he can't let him walk away, Gryffindor bravery... it takes every ounce of it for Harry to push the words out. "I've been wanting to talk to you, and here you are, please..." he taps the floor next to him lightly, and Draco walks slowly towards him, but instead of sitting next to Harry he seats in front of him, his back against the parapets and his long legs crossed in front of him, and Harry smiles lightly.

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Draco stares at the figure of a boy, lying down on the floor of the astronomy tower, he opens his eyes, but even before that Draco knows who it is "Potter" he says out loud, "Malfoy" Draco notices his voice, it cracks a bit at this small word as if it hasn't been used in a long time, -it's been a while- he thinks to himself, the last time they met must have been after the battle of Hogwarts, it's funny how it has been so much in his mind lately, that battle, and everything that came before it, everything he did, everything he was forced to do... it's been 2 years, and still people have not forgiven Draco, a death eater... everyday he's reminded of the mistakes he made, the black mark in his arm seems to taunt him every time he looks at it, people whisper in the hallways, everyone was so surprised when McGonagall hired him [a death eater! Teaching our kids! What is that women thinking?!] and Draco couldn't help but agree, why would McGonagall hire him?

But he remembers the headmistress's words [We all have a past Draco, we all made mistakes, it was war, nobody here is proud of what they did during that time, but I can see it in you young boy, you're regret is eating you up, don't let it do so, Hogwarts is your home, stay, work, and remember that happiness can be found even in the darkest place, if you only remember to turn on the light] Dumbledores words hadn't helped at all, of all his regrets Dumbledores fate was definitely in the top 5, but he stayed, and ignored stares and whispers, the castle holds so many memories, and day by day Draco battles with himself, trying to get over it, to move on, from time to time he likes to relive some moments, see if they hurt any less, which brings us to the reason he is on top of the astronomy tower tonight, problem is he isn't alone. He gives a step back and Harry sits up.

"Wait, there's enough space for both of us" Harry Potter, another of Draco's regrets, he stares at the boy in front of him, why were they so stupid? Why did they insist on holding on to a school grudge for so many years? Things could have been different, things WOULD have been different, but instead here they are, no more friends than they where on that first train ride, but not hating each other like they used to, or like they think they used to, "I've been wanting to talk to you, and here you are, please..." [wanting to talk to me] he wonders, he has been wanting to talk to Harry, he had always wanted to talk to him, because even if he was the only one to realize it, he knew that The Boy Who Lived wouldn't be left alone, he knew all along that being a Malfoy with a prideful manner to keep wasn't all that different to being Harry Potter with a destiny to fulfill, of all people, Draco understood Potter in a way Potter himself never knew, he just wishes Harry had understood him too...

He walks a couple steps and instead of sitting in the place Harry's hand is patting, he walks past him and sits in front of the green eyed boy, with his back against the parapets, he can feel the cold seeping trough his clothes, but he stares at Harry who gives him a small smile, a smile... Draco hasn't smiled in a long time, what would he smile for? When people pass him hurriedly, and his friends are all dead, when his parents are on house arrest and the Wizarding World can't see past the tattoo on his forearm.

So he just nods in acknowledgement.

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Harry brings his legs up and tucks his knees under his chin, Draco looks up at him "what are you doing here Potter?" He asks and Harry decides that the time for lies and schemes is over, he can be honest "I'm thinking... it's a kind of therapy I'm doing, they say it helps to relive traumatic experiences... can you imagine how many of those I have?" He let's out a laugh, but Draco remains impassive "I was just thinking about what happened here, seems like a long time ago doesn't it?" He says retaking a serious face and Draco hangs his head "you mean the night I killed Dumbledore?" He asks and Harry looks hard at him "you did not kill Dumbledore".

"I might as well have done it... I let them in, I let my father pull me into something I didn't want to be part of, and that night here, that was the beginning of the end, wasn't it...?" He says and Harry hears the emotions behind the words, they're not obvious, Draco hasn't lost one ounce of his Malfoy facade, but Harry knows those feelings, he can hear them in Draco's voice same as he hears them in his own when he talks, the guilt, the feeling of nothingness, it's like 3rd year and the dementors all over again, only this time, his patronus can do nothing about it, nor for him, nor for Draco.

"You know... I understand" he says, trying to gather up his thoughts, Draco looks at him with and indescifrable expression on his gray eyes "I mean, you were scared, we all were, damn it, I was absolutely terrified Malfoy, and your life was on the line, and your parents lives were on the line... I lost my parents to Voldemort, you didn't have to go trough that as well, I would have done the same thing... I sacrificed so many lives to keep those I loved safe, you have no idea, you did what you had to do, like we all did, it was war... but now it's over and it does not do well to dwell on it, you're a good person, I always knew that, I wish I had told you that before, what happened to you during the war does not define you, and no, that tattoo on your arm definitely does nos define who you are" he says, noticing how the blond boy lifts his hand to his arm "I don't blame you Malfoy, for none of it, I died for the cause... I died to bring him down, and your mom saved me, and you were there also, we were on the same side all along, I know it, you just were forced to deny it... I'm so sorry, I owe you apologies for so many things...".

Draco shakes his head "why would you have to apologize? I was the one who took up the wrong side, the one who tried to make your life hell for so long? How could you ever forgive me for that? How did you come up with the idea that you're the one who needs to earn forgiveness?".

Draco's hand is clenched tight around his arm and Harry feels a huge wave of sadness pass over him.

"Because I could have changed that, and I decided not to, I'm so so sorry Malfoy, I will never forgive myself for how far it went, our school grudge, for not being able to break trough to you..."

He looks up to the blond boy sitting in front of him, waiting for something, anything, Draco's lips twitch up a little in what could almost be a smile, Harry can see himself staring back at him from Draco's grey eyes, same haunting expression, [we're both caught up in the past] he thinks [broken... but if for now that smile is all we can manage, it's okay, if Draco Malfoy of all people can still smile, we might get out of this one after all]