Tell me all about it (Drarry)

All that alone

Harry relaxes back, he can see the slight shift in Draco's posture, and the small smile that creeps up on his face fills Harry up with pride [he believes me].

"So, are we moving on to fourth year or are you telling me about your run in with dementors?" Harry asks and then answers Draco's puzzled look with a roll of his eyes "come off it! You had to run into one, they were all over the place and you admitted they scared you, so... are you going to tell me about it?".

Draco let's out a breath and Harry let's him think, while his own mind wanders, trying to remember the last time he came face to face with Lucius Malfoy, it must have been in the trial, when they sentenced the Malfoy marriage to house arrest while the rest of the death eaters were rounded up, it was taking a while... Harry had attended the trial as part of his training; straight out of the war Harry found out that he felt better when he kept himself busy, but going back to Hogwarts had not been an option, too many memories, to many faces missing, so instead he had started his training to become an Auror, it had been nice at first, he gradually started to feel stronger physically, and he had learned a couple interesting things, but next time he saw Hermione during Christmas Holidays, she had seen right through him, he was never good at hiding things from his best friend, and then when he started therapy he had taken a break from everything, becoming an Auror could wait a couple years, until he felt like himself again... still the trial had been before that, the Malfoys had been the first to be submitted to trial, if only because they were of the few that didn't run away after the battle, Harry had been sitting in the lower stands, to the right of the accused chair, and when the couple came in Harry couldn't help but smile at Narcissa, who returned the smile, she had been his last and most unexpected ally, she had saved his life; and then there was Lucius, he seemed gone... proud like always of course, but gone, his eyes didn't even show that usual coldness anymore, but emptiness, that seemed to reflect how Harry felt at the time, it had been weird, he had never thought there would come a day when he would come face to face with this man, when his flame had been burned out, he feels a small pang in his chest, there's no way he would let Draco follow his father down that road.

"It was right after I came back from Christmas break" Draco says snapping Harry back to reality "Crabbe and Goyle were wandering around, Pansy hadn't come down from the dormitories at all and Blaise was up to the head deep in last minute essays, because he had done no homework at all during the break, so I was left kind of alone. On years past, when I had nothing to do I always went to the lake, it was nice seeing it from the surface and not from the bottom like we always do in the common room, besides it was usually empty enough and a good place to think, but I kind of forgot about the dementors, so I went out through the gates without a care in the world, before I felt the familiar coldness seeping in around me, again I was... happy, yes, but my emotions were usually pretty neutral, so the change there was not all that noticeable, but still there was something different, I felt it immediately, I guess up until then I hadn't faced a dementor by myself, with more people around it was easier to face, you didn't feel all that alone, but having it's absolute attention, it made it 10 times worse".

"Did you hear anything?" Asks Harry before he can help himself, maybe he's not the only one after all, but Draco only raises an eyebrow at Harry "well, I used to hear my parents, every time they came close I heard the same conversation over and over again, my moms screams and Voldemort's laugh, it was horrible, that usually what made me pass out".

Draco seems to be thinking this through, that had been the worst part... hearing those things, the rest; Harry could have handled, the cold, the feeling of hopelessness, feeling like you would never be happy again, those were things he had felt for years while living with the Dursleys, but hearing his parents was just overwhelming, and he wonders what Draco could have felt.

"I didn't really hear much, some memories ran through my head, and then it felt as if they were sucked out of me, all the happiness they contained drained, my mom in her gardens, dad laughing as my broom shot up too fast for me to control, the Slytherin table cheering when I was sorted, and suddenly all I could think of was you turning me down, dad telling me off for not outdoing Granger in classes, you falling from that broom, over and over again, it had started getting closer and I could do nothing Harry, I was rooted to the spot, I didn't even feel the need to run away, to try and escape, I had lost my will to do those things, I have no idea what would have happened if Professor Lupin hadn't shown up...".

"Wait" Harry says, feeling instantly sorry for interrupting, but Draco gives him a small smile "Remus?".

Draco nods "he came out of nowhere and shot the dementor down with his patronus, I was so shook and he seemed to notice, we said nothing, he just gave me a bar of chocolate and stayed long enough to dim if I would be okay I guess and then he left, and I turned back to the common room, I told no one, what a shame, Draco Malfoy scared by a dementor, and saved by none other than Remus Lupin, so I kept it quiet. The thing is I wanted to thank Lupin, and I never got the chance, so many things I felt like I had years to do... but time ran out, and I never got to do them."

Harry knows the feeling, he had felt the same so many times, when Dumbledore died and he never got the chance to ask all the questions that would eventually keep him up at night, when Sirius died and he never had time to thank him for everything, Lupin and Tonks, Fred no chance to talk to them again, time had ran out faster than he had thought possible, and that was the hardest part to overcome, all the things that you should have done and didn't, and now will never be able to do... how do you get over that? You don't... or maybe...

"Well" says Harry with as much conviction as he can muster "I'm pretty sure he knows".

He let's out a little laugh at Draco's puzzled expression "maybe you didn't get to know him as well, but Remus always knew more than he let on, besides they're always with us, all of them... or at least I have to hope they are because there's no other way to do it, so go ahead, thank him".

Draco is looking at him as if he has lost his mind, but Harry just nods and closes his eyes, turning to face the sky, at first he can't hear anything but then Draco simply says "Lupin, I should have thanked you on the moment, but I was too worried with keeping my image and I didn't... and then it was to late; but really, thank you for what you did that day, and everything you did after, a true hero..." he trails off and Harry smiles.

"Yeah Remus, we miss you down here, all of you, I miss you all...".

[Maybe there's no way to let them know what we wish to tell] Harry thinks, or maybe there is, Harry guesses that all they can do is hope they're watching from somewhere above them, watching and taking care of them, listening... and then the only way to overcome this is to let it all go.

And finally he's ready to do so, as long as he doesn't have to let go of the boy lying next to him.

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