Hero (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 24

Drew and Aubrey continued to bask in each other's company for an hour, until Drew broke the silence. "Aubrey" Drew spoke softly while running her hands through the blonde's hair.

Aubrey hummed in response, too lazy to form actual words, "back then, if I told you that your parents already knew I was a girl because I told them way before we started dating, do you think that would've saved us the heartache of breaking up?" Drew asked, she has wondered about this for a very long time and she thought, why not satisfy her curiosity.

Aubrey remained silent for several minutes that Drew assumed Aubrey was either asleep or not in the mood to answer her question, this assumption was proven false when Aubrey finally spoke. "To be honest, no, not really. Best case scenario it would've just delayed the inevitable and had it been delayed, I'm afraid the effect would have been much worse.

I wasn't ready then, if you told me the truth about telling my parents, I think I would've just used that as another excuse, I would've been angry that you went behind my back. I would have resented you for it, not because you deserved it but because I needed a scape goat. The result wouldn't have been a pretty break-up, I mean, our break up was by no means pretty but at least there were no harsh words or anything like that. Really, if that happened, I would have been angry at you, angry at myself, and just drowned in my own guilt.

You and a lot of other homosexuals had years to really get to know yourselves, to explore your sexuality, you had a long journey to your self-discovery before you could truly accept yourselves and be comfortable with who you are. I didn't have that, I'm not justifying my actions by no means but I feel like our break-up was something that had to happen.

Before you, I didn't know anyone who was gay, except Alex but she was already gone when I found out that she was one. Before you, I never had to think of myself as something or another because I was only ever attracted to guys and that was just how it is, being gay was just not in the horizon for me.

When I started developing feelings for you, I thought you were a guy. Then I found out you weren't and I still fell in love with you, and that was confusing enough. I barely had a few months to internalize what was going on with me before I was faced with the possibility that I might get forced in a box and be labeled either as a lesbian or bisexual by someone as a product of being with you and if it did happen, it was likely that it won't be by my choice and beyond my control.

When people found out you were in LA it was only a matter of time before your relationship gets public, I wasn't ready for that. One, you had a different world from mine. I also wasn't ready to be labeled and told what kind of person I am by some stranger who really has no idea about me, when I myself hasn't even figured it out.

Your looming departure also had me in a panic, we could've stayed in a long distance relationship but I'm honest enough to acknowledge that I wasn't mature enough to handle that. I wouldn't have found it in myself to trust that you would remain faithful to me when you're so far away, or that I would've remained faithful to you in return.

I was glad that I fell in love and I am fully aware that it was by my actions that we had to endure heartache and that we had to suffer by being so far apart. But I strongly believe that it was a necessary evil, I had to be broken down so I could be stronger. I needed to feel that agonizing pain of knowing that I hurt the both of us because I let fear get to me.

If somehow back then, we managed to stay together, I felt like I would've been weak, too brittle. That if we did come out as two women in a romantic relationship, there's always going to be negative words or actions from other people, such things would have affected me greatly, I would've internalized it and I would've destroyed our relationship inside out and I don't think we'll ever recover from that kind of destruction that I deliberately caused.