Light in the Night Sky [Levi/Rivaille x OC] (Heavy Editing)

Chapter 11.5: Remorse

I mentally rocked back and forth … back and forth, tediously watching the surviving soldiers cover up the bodies of the dead and heaving them up to the wagon.  A cold sensation brushed against my fingers when my hand came in contact with the Balisong I have been keeping in my pocket.  My fingertips ran along the grooves in handles. Surprisingly, the knife that I was always so happy about indeed kept my state of grief under control, stopping myself from breaking down for the last hour or so now.

My orbs were unresponsive, even though the heavy laced boots strolled and halted right in front of me, naturally keeping their mighty structure and reputation high as their blue stern eyes stared attentively at my numb ones. Their grip was placed firmly on my shoulder as they bent down to my eye level, trying to catch my gaze on the ground.

“Hazel.” Erwin whispered softly.

I blinked expressionlessly and my pupils slowly shifted upwards, looking at him, my face completely drained of colour. My dead eyes were still fixed blankly on the commander that was focused down in front of me, even though I clearly heard the footsteps of the corporal approaching. Little, short breaths of air slowly escaped my nostrils soundlessly. I could sense the corporal’s arrival as he stood next to me, looking down at my dull face with his arms crossed.

“What do you want?” The murmur choked out hoarsely, I couldn’t even recognise that it was my own voice.

A piece of bread was lifted to my pale face, my eyes still fixed on the commander torpidly, ignoring the bread that was blurred slowly into my vision.

“You haven’t eaten all day.” The commander said in a lenient voice as he presented the food to me. My eyes didn’t bother to move, continually staring at Erwin lifelessly, gradually beginning to gaze past him and through him, not concentrating on anything in particular.

After failing to get me responding, he handed the portion over to Levi and walked off, aiding the other soldiers with the corpse collecting in the fields.

Among those blood covered bodies, one of them was Bella’s. I felt my jaw clenched up and the tears that threatened to accumulate in my eyes as the thought of the hooded figure clawed back into my mind.

He was neither a titan … nor a human. He was a traitor. Cold-blooded, stupid and I pitied him and his cowardly acts, hiding behind that Survey Corps hoodie with his blades pointed towards us. But why he, a fellow human being, turn against us for the sake of those titans? Nothing makes sense.

Bella, she wasn’t anyone too significant to me, but she had once talked to me and fought by my side. That was enough. If only I had realized about a turncoat lurking among us a bit earlier, I could have possibly saved Bella from everything. If I had just moved a second earlier from the tree instead of standing around observing and analysing everything; she would still be living now.

I knew that everyone was waiting for her, waiting to praise her for her return, her unending optimism, her kindness. She had a home to return to, an expectant family waiting for her homecoming.

And because of my delayed actions, I have failed to ensure that.  

The breeze picked up again, whistling through the line of trees that separated the dark forestry and the grasslands. It swept my dark hair across my face, steadily encouraging my eyelids to drop, inviting the darkness along into my sight to drag me away from the battleground. I slowly leant back onto the trunk of the tall tree in my standing position, tilting my head to my side as I inhaled and exhaled quietly.

The corporal’s footsteps approached closer to my figure, my eyes still closed. The tickling feeling of his presence brushed against my arm which made my lids slowly lift again, my pupils shifting as I met his short body, which was also leaning against the same tree right next to me. His dark pupils met mine as he huffed in an annoyed tone. I closed my eyes again, ignoring his usual stuck-up attitude and reinvited the darkness.