Soulmates Are Harder Than I Thought • Lams

Chapter XVI: True Feelings Meant To Stay Hidden

John looked at Alex for what it seemed an eternity, he tried to read his eyes, tried to search for a sign. For something, anything to give him a good feeling of telling Alexander. He fidgeted with his fingers, and breathed deeply.

"John, what do you mean?" asked Alexander stepping closer to John, who looked at him. Alexander couldn't think straight. He just saw John about to get laid and that angered him, he felt an intense jealousy; he wanted to drag that Thomas away from John and get John all to himself. But John just looked confused, distressed, his eyes showed emotions that Alexander wasn't sure if they were bad or good, and he was scared.

He had gotten a text from Eliza, telling him he needed to talk to John, urgently; made him wonder what was so important that John and Eliza talked about and he didn't knew. He was confused as to who to be jealous of, Eliza or John.

John stayed silent, not saying anything. He was scared, conflicted. If he told Alex, everything would be ruined, if he didn't, there would be an underlying awkwardness and he didn't want to deal with that, not with Alex, not when he worked so hard to at least keep a friendship going. He had to say something right in the middle of both facts, that way there would be no tension, no ruined friendship... it would be just, at least something.

"I have some, maybe, very faint, feelings for you, Alexander." said John, looking at him, fear clear in his eyes. "I know I shouldn't! I know! You have Eliza!" he hesitated for a moment. "I have Laf, we have our soulmates, but I just can't help being attracted to you." he said, getting closer to Alexander slowly. "Please just, say something."

Alexander stepped away and walked over to the bed, he sat down. "John—"

"I'm so sorry, Alex! I just had so say it." he said quickly as he walked to a couch in the corner, facing Alex, who kept his head low, resting in his hands. "I understand if you don't feel the same way, I mean you have Eliza! She's your soulmate!" 'But so am I...'

"John, I truly don't know what's happening with me. Every single book I read always talked about the soulmate being the only one you'll ever be interested in, no other people will catch your eyes as your soulmate does... but–"

"Of course there's a 'but'." whispered John looking at his fidgeting fingers.

"But... the strong feelings I have for Eliza... I also have them for you, it's completely and utterly confusing and I don't know what to do." he said looking over at John, struggle clear in his stare. "Please John, just..."

"I like you, Alexander, a lot... and I don't know what to do either." John hugged himself.

They stayed in silence for a few more moments, John thought about how he probably saved himself from utter destruction, but Alex was conflicted, he thought his feelings were cheating on Eliza, and he hated it, but at the same time, something about John felt right, like a click, how he feels for Eliza.

Almost as if John— as if John were... his soulmate too. No, Alexander, that's stupid. You saw color when you touched Eliza. You're happy with Eliza, you feel great with Eliza, Eliza understands you, but so does John.

"Why did you followed me?" asked John after probably various minutes of silence.

"I thought Francis had something to do with your strange behavior... I didn't trust that dude, he seemed way to sketchy." said Alexander smiling faintly.

"Well, Thomas found out I would be here, and I wanted to feel that way again." John scratched the back of his neck, a small nervous smile forming on his lips.

"Feel what way exactly?" Alexander raised an eyebrow, curious and confused.

"I needed to felt desired again. I know you said you desired me, but Alex, you have a soulmate, it's not the same thing. I'm the only one Thomas thinks about, I'm the only thing that matters to him; that turned him into an overprotective, possessive, controlling jerk, but at the start it wasn't like that, you know?" John sighed and looked down. "I wasn't his second plate."

"You're not mine either!" said Alexander standing up and walking over to John, crouching in front of him. "I don't know what it is, but something about you... makes me think of you in a whole new light!" said Alexander in a soft whisper, not wanting to shout out his emotions.

John didn't answered, he just looked down. "I know, it's pathetic that I wanted to be laid again, after three years it's still quite shocking."

"Three years? You haven't had sex in three years?" Alexander raised his eyebrows surprised, but quickly looked down. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have sounded so... shaming."

"It's nothing, it's just that it never attracted me after Thomas. Never interested me once again and I just kinda forgot about it." John shrugged and laughed faintly. "I'm also sorry you had to see that." he said blushing. "I'm not used to people entering my room when I'm about to get laid."

Alexander laughed faintly and nodded. "Sorry for barging in like a mad-man, then." he moved John to the side, and sat besides him. He kissed John's cheek, John smiled, and turned to kiss Alexander. "I wish we could just... kiss a little bit." John kissed him again, a bit shorter. "Without any problems in the world." a simple peck, then a long, lingering kiss.

"Do you wanna go back to the ballroom?" asked Alexander, John laughed. "I'll take that as a no." he said laughing faintly. They stood up and started walking to John's room, the way in silence, but holding hands. "I'm sorry if I bring her up too much but, I can't help but feel I'm betraying Eliza." said Alexander looking to the side.

"Listen, I'll talk to her about something, and you'll see she'll be totally fine, okay?" John said, to what Alexander looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Just trust me." said John shaking his head dismissively. "Meanwhile, let's just lay down, yeah?"

"Of course." said Alexander, nodding his head with a half smile.