My Name Is Alexander [LAMS]

Family

TW: Some eating disorder related stuff
A/N: Eyo so! Im gonna start putting TW now and then cause I don't want any of you guys feeling triggered or anything. Plz stay safe <3

Martha smiles at him, but at the same time she looks surprised, almost confused. She opens her mouth a couple times before actually forming a coherent sentence to say.

"You're gonna eat with us today at the table?" She asks, her voice almost a whisper.

"I mean, yeah" He murmurs little unsure. Does he really wants to eat? What if he gets fat? He's been doing such a good job at loosing weight, only eating an apple in the morning and then cereal around midnight, maybe a light snack during the day. At this rate he'll loose his hips and hopefully his breasts too in no time. Does he wants to ruin that? Does he? Does he? Does he—

But then he looks at Martha's hopeful smile, and he decides, he's willing to take the risk.

—————

He looks at the food on his plate like it will eat him instead. His stomach is begging him to eat it, he hasn't ate anything but some grapes this morning. A little fearfully Alex takes a tiny, so tiny bite of rice.

He wants more.

He hates himself because he wants more.

At the same time, he wants to puke.

Lafayette looks at him concerned from the other side of the table. He shouldn't be, Alexander is okay.

(Maybe he will be if he keeps telling himself that).

He tried to stop thinking about the food on front of him, so he listens to the conversation. Apparently they're talking about something that happened in George's work, Alex doesn't know what, but he pretends he has been listening this whole time. He plays with the food on the plate as he joins the conversation.

He doesn't want to admit it,

But he missed his family.

Maybe he didn't want to admit that this is his family now: George, Martha, Lafayette, Hercules,

John.

And suddenly he's hating himself again, because he pushed them away. It had been weeks since the last time he actually sat and spoke with The Washingtons, who has done nothing but give him love.

He was such an ungrateful piece of shit.

"'Xandra, how's the food?" Martha asked, she always worries about people not liking what she cooked. Which is absurd, her always food tasted like it had been made by the angels itself.

"It's great Martha, you never fail to amaze me with your food" Alex smiles, even though he only ate a small bite (He barely remembers the taste) but he knows it's delicious, it's Martha's food.

She smiles relieved and keeps talking with George, Alex smiles too.

He's happy.

Only for a moment, he's happy. Because his family looks happy.

—————

After dinner Alex goes upstairs, he barely ate anything but nobody needs to know that. He sighs happily, his family is happy so he's okay. That's all that matters, how they feel.

He's okay.

He's okay.

And then he looked at himself in the mirror.