A Human's Spark

Betrayed

"Get up, everyone!" is the first thing that my ears hear and I immediately recognize the Prime's voice.

Some mechanic noises follow, indicating transformations occurring. I yawn and blink, the light is not powerful, the sun is just born on the horizon. I pass my hands on my face while I get up to sit and slip out of my warm sleeping bag. The morning air is a pungent breeze that wakes me up completely. The heat of the far sun is soft on my flesh.

"We're leaving" concludes Optimus transforming into the truck.

Everyone follows him and I jump into the first car that passes by.

"I hope you don't mind" I speak with a sleepy voice.

"I never mind, little lady. Peace is with me" answers Drift.

I chuckle.

"I had no doubts."

And a new day of travel begins.

Silence reigns for the most of the time. I don't have much to talk about with this dude. I lean my head against the window and lose my gaze on the street running away under us. I contemplate Drift's shadow that the young sun draws on the asphalt while my thoughts slowly travel further.
How is it that I always end up thinking to Optimus?
I have never had this sort of deep feelings inside me and I don't know how to organize them. They probably can't even be organized. I am in love with Optimus Prime, this is very clear in my mind and it scares me a lot. I need someone to talk to, but I can't. Do you understand that I cannot?!

"Thoughtful?" Drift asks after half an hour.

I swallow and keep calm.

"Just tired."

"Beatrice, Beatrice... I do recognize a thoughtful look when I see it."

"I'm fine, just... I have been through a lot."

"Might I help you, miss?"

I smile for his kindness.

"I think you can't, Drift."

"I can't help if I don't know what you need."

"This is the problem. I myself don't know what I need."

• • •

We stop at lunch break and I eat my meal on my own. Cade is chatting with Hound and the others are just resting. Soon my attention is caught by Ironhide who walks to Optimus that is standing on his own, contemplating apparently nothing, as usual. They start talking, far from all the others, in a way that makes curiosity grow inside me. And I just can't keep myself.

I finish my burrito and I leave the shadow of a tree that I found. I approach them from behind and I know that they can't hear me: my steps' soft noise is confused with the breeze. I reach a stone and hide behind it. Their voices come loud and clear from the other side. At first I don't understand what they're talking about but after having heard "that little femme" by Ironhide I realize: they're talking about me. I raise my eyebrows and sit with my back against the stone.

"I'm still wondering why you chose her, Optimus. I have been your mate for ages" Ironhide says.

"I can't explain it better: I had to keep an eye on her. She could be unpredictable and I had to be sure. If the Decepticons took her she could have revealed our position."

"That makes sense. But I noticed the way she looks at you... She seems to be like under a spell every once you're around. If Ratchet were among us he would have confirmed... You know what I mean."

"Everything is under control, Ironhide. I need to have her this way to be sure she won't pass to the wrong side. It's been easy."

His voice is emotionless. Ironhide chuckles.

"I imagined. But Optimus, are you sure you yourself are not falling?"

"For who? For that desperate tiny fleshy creature? Don't think this bad of me, old friend. My spark shines for another one only, even if she died, and you should know it."

His voice is as cold as ice.

"I do know, I haven't forgotten. Well, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I'll go and rest."

And with that he leaves.

I'm shaking just like an old autumn leaf with the cold wind. I'm not sitting anymore, I'm not hiding anymore. I'm standing few meters behind Optimus. Ironhide didn't see me, but I don't care. I care of nothing. My eyes tingle more than ever, I almost see nothing because of tears. My heart hurts.
It's painful.
I'd rather die than feel this.

I want to say something. I want to say everything. But I feel weak. I have forgotten how to speak. My throath is dry. I try to open my mouth. A weak, painful sound succeeds to escape.

"I understood."

Tears run down my cheeks. I hardly notice the way Optimus turns and realizes that I have been hearing everything. I just turn around and start running. I don't even have the energy to run. No, pain makes me run. I hardly hear my name being called repeatedly.

My run stops only when a yellow door opens in front of me and I don't hesitate to enter. I just let me go on the seat, I hide my face in my hands and let it all go. Rage, sadness, disappointment, scare, love. Love.
I was afraid of this feeling. Here is the reason.

When I recover I notice that Bumblebee brought me very far from the others. I see none. And I'm grateful. Once again. He lets me out and transforms. I still pass a hand on my eyes to wipe away the last tears. I try to breathe slowly.

"Beatrice" Bumblebee calls me and touches my shoulder.

I turn. His blue puppy optics study me with concern.

"Thank you" it's all I can say.

He makes me climb on his hand and sits down. I sit on his hand.

"Might I know what's the matter?"

I bite my inferior lip while my gaze is lost on the grass.

"I c-can't tell, Bee" I stutter a little bit because of the last sobs "I'm sorry."

He says nothing.

"I'm such a stupid person. Stupid and naive."

"No, I don't think so. I don't understand..."

"Never mind, it's too complicated. Thank you for being with me, though" I sigh "You saved me again. I owe you."

"I would do anything for you."

I don't know for what reason, but that just adds pain to pain.

"If you feel better we should go back. We can't leave the others, you know. We're still on a mission."

I swallow hard and nod rigidly.

"Okay." Okay, let's do this.

We drive back to our place where everyone seems to act like nothing happened. And I'm grateful.

I exit the car to go and take my things that I had left on the grass under the tree. I walk at a deliberate pace, without looking at anyone. My eyes are fixed in front of me. My expression is hard and my eyes even harder. I perceive an imposing blue gaze watching down at me, looking for my eyes probably.

I ignore it. It doesn't exist.
I just keep walking.

~~Author's note~~
Hi everyone! First of all, thank you so much for reading and commenting; I appreciate it infinitely and it gives me the will to keep writing!

I wanted to ask you, would you like to read this very chapter but from Optimus' point of view? I'm thinking to write it, but it'd be a bonus so I want to know if you'd like it or not.
Let me know in the comments!
And thank you again :)
-Jisbee.