The Things We Don't Remember

6. Feelings

I heard the doctors agree that they shouldn't tell me anything else about my past and let all the memories come back (if they ever do) naturally, otherwise the sudden input of data might overwhelm me.

They think that I might have a melt down and might blame myself for not recalling.

I am too inquisitive to care.

I wonder how awkward they felt after they were so nervous to tell me that my parents died, and how confused they were after I didn't react. Yep, that's right I didn't react.

I mean I felt bad but not in the way you would expect me to. I didn't cry or go into a state of depression. I guess I did feel a little sad.

I felt the same way I felt when they told me that a hundred other people died in the crash.

I didn't know my parents. I suppose I knew them, but I don't remember knowing them.

I bet I loved them dearly. The latter be true. And if I did remember I would have been devastated. I'm not a weird psychopath.

I feel bad for not feeling bad. Yes, that's how my emotions work. I also feel annoyed for being an orphan, now everyone will be "sad" and "oh so sorry" for me.

Part of me thinks that if I never remember then it will be quite peaceful: no secrets, no sad memories, no nostalgia. But the other half is being drawn towards my old life, imagining how good it could have been.

One main question: do I really want to know?

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A/N

What's that Arctic Monkeys song:
Do I wanna know?
If this feeling flows both ways
Sad to see you go
Was sorta hoping that you'd stay
Baby we both know
That the nights were mainly made for saying
Things that you can't say tomorrow day

Random I know but I just thought of that. I guess anything I think of is intertwined with absolutely everything else.
Give me the word cake and I'll link it to grass. Some cakes are made using milk. Milk comes from either cows, sheep or goats. Cows, sheep and goats eat grass. Cake is made from grass. What?