All Of Me

18

18

Today's one of Chandler's good days. Thank God. I couldn't bare with seeing him in pain. We all met at our usual spot in the cafeteria. It felt like any other morning, before we found out about Chandler's cancer. Deep down, we all knew this would be one of Chandler's final good days. It was scary, but we had to be strong for him.

I couldn't talk much this morning, mostly just listened. I don't think anyone could truly hear that everyone's voices were laced with pain. Pain having to deal with the fact we are going to lose our friend.

Luke, Chandler, and I walked to Ms. Snowden's class in complete silence. Talking hasn't been something I do a lot of lately, not even to Luke or my dad. And I love to talk them. I feel like whenever I talk, someone is expecting me to talk about how I'm feeling about what's going on in my life and that's not something I want to do.

"Are you feeling okay?" Luke asked me when we sat down. Chandler was writing his name down on his paper, not paying attention to us. I shrugged in reply. I wasn't okay, but I was trying to be. It's easier to try to be okay when you don't have to talk. Luke just sighed and leaned forward to kiss the top of my head.

Ms. Snowden began class like any other day, then passed out our test. Instead of answering questions on my test, I watched Chandler go through and bubble in random letters before turning in his test. He deserves a future.

I answered all the questions and turned in my test. I went back to my seat and sat quietly. After the bell rang, Ms. Snowden called me up to her desk and asked to talk to me. Luke told me he'd wait outside.

"How are you, Bobbi?" Ms. Snowden asked.

I never got the chance to talk to her about my mom given all the events that have been going on. I still want to, but I'm not in the mood.

"Fine," I shrugged. I took my antidepressants this morning, but sometimes even the meds can't help with all of the sadness.

"Your dad told me you wanted to talk about your mom."

"Yeah..." I trailed off. "I just...I don't want to right now." Then, I thought, maybe this will help get my mind off of Chandler for a little while. "Would you like to come over for dinner to talk about her?" I asked her.

"You're sure that's okay with your father?" Ms. Snowden asked me.

I shrugged, "I'm almost positive he won't mind. I'll call him during lunch and come let you know."

Ms. Snowden smiled, "okay, Bobbi. Remember that you've got a lot of people here that you can talk to if you ever need it. I understand you're going through a lot." I nodded and told her to have a good day, then joined Luke outside the classroom.

"What was that about?"

"Ms. Snowden just asked how I was and what I wanted to know about my mother." I explained to Luke.

"And?" He rose his eyebrow as we walked to Mr. Connelly's class.

"She's coming over for dinner tonight to talk about her."

"That should be nice, right?" Luke questioned; he seemed to be enjoying that I was actually keeping up a conversation considering lately my way of communication is through nodding my head.

"Yeah," i murmured. Luke opened the classroom door and held it open for me, then followed in behind me.

At lunch, luke and I walked in together and got our lunch. Out of the norm, we were the first to arrive at our table. I saw Jordan was sitting with his teammates today because they had a big game today, but usually Amanda makes it here before us.