Saving Grace | ✓

His Confessions

***

After finishing my bread and water, I'd started to sober up; the liquor finally wearing out of my system. A heavy silence settled between Hunter and I, it was thick, uneasy – a tension between us that we have never had to deal with before. He shifted uncomfortably in this seat, and put his hands together in his lap before setting his elbows on his knees and frustratingly rubbing his hand down his stubbly beard.

"Hunter-" I whispered, so quietly I wasn't sure if he'd be able too hear. 

"Stop. Just listen to me for a minute okay?" Hunter dropped his hand, twisting his neck round to look at me. 

I nodded in reply, curious as to what he'd have to say. I was in the wrong here, surely he should want me to talk.

Hunter's gaze turned towards the pool, engrossed in the white ball that reflected from the water shimmering slightly in a hypnotising motion.

"I didn't come here for an argument Grace – that's the last thing I want. I just want you to know, whatever the reason is that you've pushed me away you can talk to me about it... I'm not angry at you, god I could never be angry at you." He sighed, "Remember that time in primary school, I got that red kite for my seventh birthday and I was so excited, I told you it was my favourite toy and you begged me to let you have a go?"

"Yes-yes I remember." I mumbled, confused as to where this conversation was going.

"I let you fly the kite in the big field behind your mum's house. It was really windy, and you flew it higher and higher then that big gust of wind took it across the field and it got stuck in the tree. I was devastated, I was seven years old and I'd lost my favourite toy and there was no way of getting it back. That was the last gift my sister gave me before she passed away, that was the only thing I had left to remember her. But I couldn't be mad at you, not then – not now." Hunter finished, as I wiped a tear away from my cheek. 

We were young, but even back then the guilt killed me for losing the last reminder Hunter had of his younger sister. Sienna and Hunter were inseparable, as a matter of fact all three of us were. She was like the sister I never had, and we all looked out for each other. Except Hunter and I were hopeless as we watched her slowly fade away once she was diagnosed with meningitis. Hunter's mother noticed the first alarm; the rash - but Hunter's father was quick to brush it under the carpet convincing her that it was just a form of heat rash. Hunter spent years blaming his father, considering he failed to ever take her to have her vaccine against the deadly illness.

Losing Sienna left a huge hole in all of our lives, and to this day her room inside Hunter's parents three bedroom house by the seaside still remains intact, untouched. All her trinket boxes, ballet shoes and photo frames exactly where she left them. Each item gathering dust as if we are all still waiting for her to come back home, so we could be the three musketeers once again.

People say whilst your grieving that the pain will get easier in time, but the truth is it never really does. It's been ten years since Sienna passed and some days, it still feels as if I'm being suffocated from the pain. Considering how low I felt back then after losing my best friend, I couldn't even begin to imagine how Hunter felt. Honestly I didn't think Hunter would ever pull out of the darkness he was drowning in, but he got there; somehow, somewhere we found the strength to pull each other through it together.

Hunter's hand rested on my knee pulling me out of my thoughts. He inhaled deeply before he began to continue, "I'm going to be honest, and lay everything out on the table right now. At one point I did think I was in love with you, but the more I thought about it, the more crazy it sounded and eventually I understood that it wasn't love, it was just I cared too much for you. You're like a sister to me, we're not blood related but we've been inseparable since nursery Grace and us not talking – it isn't right. I need you, I need you to function because without you I'm not who I am."