Saving Grace | ✓

Not All Wounds Are Visible

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★ ★ ★

There's something about walking – somehow it relaxes you, composes your thoughts. The sweltering heat from the scorching ball above me radiated down onto my body. I had passed a few dog walkers, all who had given dirty looks as if I was doing the walk of shame. In there defence it did look that way, I was strolling home at 8am in the morning, high heels tucked under my arm and smudged makeup sprawled across my face. 

All I wanted was to stand under a boiling hot shower and wash off all the remnants of last nights horrific memories. The minutes I had laid frozen on Luke's bed, counting the lines that had been plastered on his ceilings made no difference at easing the pain. Any ounce of control that I had left within our relationship, was taken away in that one moment.

Beautiful green oak trees towered over me, whistling slightly in the refreshing breeze. I closed my eyes, relishing the calmness of nature. It has always amazed me how wonderful the outside world really is; all the species of birds chirping, and the scent of freshly cut grass. 

I was drifting off into my imagination, before somebody interrupted me.

"Grace? Grace is that you?" 

My eye's shot open, readjusting to the bright light around me. After seconds of blinking, a familiar figure stood in front of me – and as usual, he made me feel perfect.

"No offence, but you look awful!" Leo chuckled drily, his sapphire circles examining my five foot four body.

As Leo's laugh echoed, Luke's evil devilish growl replaced it like an audio clip was on a constant repeat in my skull. My hands instantly clasped over my ears, trying to deafen the petrifying noise away but it was no use. He was here with me, even when he was miles away - no matter how hard I try I can never get away from him.

I sank to my knees, not caring about the dirt that would cling to my clothes from last night. After what happened, they would be going in the bin anyway. If I chucked them away, then maybe just maybe I could start to forget what Luke had done. 

Usually I never cry in front of anybody, yet alone in public. But right now, crying was what I needed to do to let everything out. I'd tried my hardest over the years, but no matter how hard I try to make things better; it never works. I consistently tread on egg shells around Luke, watching what I say, do or wear just so I wouldn't make him angry. I do everything he asks, turning into this robot that agrees to all his demands.

The reality of it all is, no matter what I do I am wrong; he always gets angry whether I do the right or the wrong thing because he will always find faults in everything I do. Me trying my hardest was never good enough for him, it never has been nor will it ever be. He'd always lose his temper, and I'd be left on the floor with bruises and broken bones all over again. 

I sobbed in my hands, letting the tears drip between my fingers into the crevices towards my knuckles. A few reached my lips, leaving a salty taste on my tongue. The crying failed to cease, in fact it got louder and stronger. The wind blew my hair over my hands, a few thin strands of brown stuck to my wet face. I was a wreck, a complete mess; an unfixable person who had been broken time and time again.

Just when all remainders of hope had disintegrated away, two broad arms tangled around my waist pulling me in towards their body. His scent was intoxicating;  radiating from his cotton t shirt which was now pressed against my rosy cheeks. Between my sobs Leo had asked me if I was okay, but I chose to stay silent. The last thing I wanted to do right now was talk, not even to him.