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***
Beams of sunlight penetrated through the gaps of the blinds, awakening me from my restless sleep. I closed my eyes, allowing the waves to transfer warmth into the pores of my face. A bird began to chirp as he perched himself on the tree outside of Luke's bedroom window, instantly bringing me back to a peaceful time of my life. My childhood – vague, but warming memories of my young years I had spent at my grandparents home by the seaside.
My grandpa was a fond bird watcher, and from a young age he had informed me about all the different species, and calls of each bird. My grandpa and grandma have been a huge part of my life, they practically raised me considering my mother was on her own for years before she met my stepfather and they done an amazing job. I may not have had all the toys a child may have wanted, but one thing I did have was unconditional, pure love.
From the pounding headache, to the nausea I knew I must have had way to much to drink last night. Parts of last nights were blurry, but other parts were uncomfortably clear. By the time Luke and I had strolled back to his house, the majority of the alcohol had faded away out of my system. At that point, I'd never wanted alcohol more in my life – maybe that would of put me in the mood for what was to come. The image of Luke's lustful gloomy eyes as he had sex with me, whilst I remained still and emotionless lingered in my mind, adding to the sickness. I neither wanted it, nor stopped it. I only had myself to blame.
As I rolled onto my back I began to trace the indents in the ceiling with my eyes, identically to what I had done whilst I laid in this very spot a few hours ago. Once he'd finished, he simply grunted and rolled over; instantly falling asleep as if the whole thing was normal.
This was all new to me, not once had Luke ever wanted sex in a way for me to make up for a wrong doing and right now, I wasn't sure whether this new way of apologising was a good or a bad thing. Did it make things easier on my part? Is this better than being hit every time I do something wrong, or is this worse?
I may not know the answers to those questions, but I knew one thing.
I'm more broken right now, than I ever have been before.
I feel used, disgusted and dirty.
A tear escaped down my cheek, seeping into the cotton pillow underneath me. Clouds moved in the morning sky, streaming across the pretty blue. The sun peaking through each gap between them, bringing hope and happiness to those who witnessed it today. I used to love going to the beach, sunbathing in my bikini but all I wanted to do now was lay in bed and never leave. Bed was my safe place, somewhere I couldn't do wrong.
Unexpectedly, an arm wrapped round my waist tugging me back into a rock hard chest.
"Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?" Luke whispered, his raspy voice brisking across my neck.
My stomach began to churn once again, a mixture of the alcohol and anxiety.
"I-I slept fine." I whispered, tugging the duvet up under my chin shuffling away from his reach.
"Where are you going?" Luke asked, pulling me back towards him once again.
My heart twisted and sunk, his tone of voice suddenly raising.
"Don't you want to have round two this morning?" He chuckled, his hand gliding up my thigh towards my naked body.
"N-N-No."
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Saving Grace | ✓
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