3 - johnlock [EDITING]

5

edited

(quickly, just to let you know, this is about a month after the last chapter. they basically keep talking about the same things)

the following night, i didn't want to talk to john. it seemed our early morning conversations only made being emotionless worse and i couldn't stop the nagging sensation in my head telling me that john would just use this information against me. although i was the most clever person to exist, that didn't matter. i was a freak, and an idiot, and just.. not a great person. and i don't really care what others think about that, but for me, when john joins in with them, what the hell am i supposed to do? i'm overprotective and clingy, but only for john it seems.

so, back to how i didn't want to talk to john. i just wanted to stay in my room, and to be completely honest, i was tired of being clean. of, well, everything. but i also didn't want to stay in my room, and what about john? i think that this talking did help him, and i liked helping him. my lack of care in everyone else seems to have manifested in a unlikely cation of john and his emotions.

after marinading in guilt for a minute, i go into the living room a bit late and, sure enough, john is already there. he's sitting in his arm chair, looking bored. john knows nothing of boredom. so, i sit down in my chair and he sits in his and i feel a strange deja-vu sensation.

"are we going to do this again?" he asks

"yes, i suppose so."

"should i give up now and just go first?"

"yes, that would probably be best."

john rolled his eyes. "my dad is still mad at me."

"what for." it was a statement, not a question. john shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"i don't know if i'd feel comfortable giving away that information." he scratched his neck.

"well it was your silly idea. don't keep this going if you're just going to say that the second any touchy matter comes up."

"um well. i guess. um," john licks his lips. "well then. i think.. i think- i-"

now this was just getting irritating. "well, spit it out." i bark.

"fine! christ, can't you even be a bit patient. i think i'm bisexual, and my dad doesn't approve of that."

"oh, i would have thought you would have said something at least a bit more surprising then that."

he opened his mouth for a second, before shutting it, only to open it again. "what, what are you on about?"

"well, it is quite obvious."

"obvious? no one else knows."

"hm, don't bet your money on that."

"what? how could you tell?"

"well, your father was angry at harry for being gay, thus making whatever your thing was to be similar to that. then, just look at you whenever there is some form of attractive man around. you date far too many women, making it mean that it must be some sort of cover up, but for what exactly? it must be that you are in love with a man, and one relatively close to you at that, because why else would you date women only to break it off? you are trying to prove yourself to him, but by also denying him to know your true motives. so who is this man? i, quite frankly-"

john looked bothered and stood up. "ok sherlock, i've got it. bloody hell, you didn't need to go into so much detail."

i gave john a small grin, one that i couldn't help myself. i just found it so hilarious that he thought that i hadn't known about his not so surprising sexuality.

"what are you smiling about?" he sat down again.

"oh nothing."

john looked a little confused, or let down, i couldn't tell. "so, do you have something to tell me?"

"what are you expecting?"

john sat there, and just kind of looked at me. i tried to figure out what he was thinking, but my 3 am head isn't very good at deducting.

"oh, nothing, nevermind." he said, suddenly seeming cold and distant. "what about the woman?"

"what about her?" i was surprised he even bothered to ask.

"do you, you know, care for her?"

"that's like asking a dog if he loves a flee. no, of course not. i would have thought that you would have figured that out by now."

to be completely honest, i had given up on what the emotion of romantic love felt like. i don't know what it is considering anyone i've ever ask has said that it's 'indescribable.' so how should i know.

the rest of the evening is uneventful. john gets up to go to bed. i don't. it's the way it goes.