3 - johnlock [EDITING]

20

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my breath is short and quick. it feels as though the world is spinning out of my control, and i don't fully understand why.

everything was so perfect? i would wake up in the morning with john, he would smile with a sleepy grin, give me a kiss on the cheek, and we'd lazily get up. i'd stare into the distance, he'd cook. boredom became much rarer, as john would always have one way or another to cure it.

and lack or boredom, and not waking up at 3 am meant my brain was ok. i was ok. for two years. john would smile at me, i would give him a short smile back, but he could tell something was wrong.

and it brings me down to an even lower level when i open my eyes and look at the world. my brother is close to getting married to les- sorry, greg. molly even moved on. everyone is just in love, and happy, and i was, but now i'm not. why can't i just find comfort in the man i love? am i really that greedy?

but he is perfect, and he does-did- keep me sane. in between rainy day cuddles and summer time grins, he has been the perfect boyfriend, and we were- are- the perfect couple. i hold things too high above his head for him to reach, and he gives me dumb nicknames. rosie is three and so so sweet.

but, despite all this, i can feel myself slipping again. i'm retreating to my brain, as i used to, and i can only hope no one takes notice. i could only imagine what would happen if anyone did.

a/n
sorry. if you like this story, check out some of my other stuff!! i just started another johnlock story, don't, and you should check that out!! k, thanks for reading this :)