RedAce // ziam

eighteen

[ sorry for the late update but since the easter hols just began you all can expect more updates ]

*Zayn's POV*

Louis huffed loudly at the sight of me; shooting a disapproving look towards Liam who brushed him off with glare. Was I supposed to be glad? Because Liam was at least talking to me; he didn't hate me. That was a good thing, right?

Yes, it was certainly a good thing however I still couldn't get myself to be happy about this. I wanted to know, had I really ruined every chance of Liam and I being together again? I pushed that thought away, hoping it would hide away in some corner of my brain. At the moment, I was here to help Liam not make his life any worse than I already had. 

"God, Louis. We don't want to hear it" Liam snapped, interrupting through my thoughts. I snapped out to find Louis standing close to the two of us; his eyes narrowed dangerously along with a very convincing murderous look plastered across his face - and he was glaring right at me. 

"But I want to say this. Listen here Malik- " He spat those words out like he couldn't even bear to pronounce them; his voice enraged and disgust filled, "I don't know what the hell is Liam thinking, getting back with you like this but you take one step out of line and even dare to touch a single hair on Liam's head then god help you because you will find my hands around that pretty little neck of yours, got it? 

I can as much as nod back; lips formed in a thin line and eyes avoiding Louis'. That calmed him down a little as he stepped back, less of his figure crowding over me, but that murderous look still didn't vanish off his face. 

I don't think it ever would. 

"Fuck off, Lou" Liam sighed before his arm wrapped around my arm and he dragged me into his room. As soon we reached inside, Liam let go as if he suddenly realized that he didn't want to touch me. He turned around, avoiding my eyes at all costs and flicked the light on.      

Liam stood against the door, lip caught between his teeth as he glanced around awkwardly.

"I can't do this" I breathed out, breaking off the silence. Liam's eyes snapped up to me, demanding yet questioning. How was I supposed to answer him?

How the bloody hell was I supposed to tell him that I can't keep my bloody hands off him; I need skin to skin contact and with him. I needed him. I needed the flush push of his lips against mine; anything. But I wasn't allowed to do. 

It was as if I was slowly drowning; my insides slowly getting washed away.

"What can't you do?" Liam demanded softly as he stepped closer. The nervous glint in his eyes was no longer to be seen replaced instead by a sternness. 

"This. Us." 

Liam chuckled; the sound of it filled with sorrow and rage. I hated it. I hated the sound of Liam's chuckle in that moment just as much I had grown to love it. 

"Zayn, there is no us" He spat, after he forced that laugh out of himself.

Right. Of course. 

Liam was right there was no us; no more. And by the looks of it, there wasn't going to be a future us. Thanks to me. I ruined every chance of us. 

"I can't have you right next to me and not have my hands on you. This isn't easy for me, Liam" I managed, turning away from Liam's narrowed eyes; better to look away than see those eyes get filled with hatred for me. 

"You think this is easy for me?" Liam questioned, an anger laugh slipping out his mouth yet again. I wished he'd stop doing that because as much as it pained me I was the cause of that. I was the one that had turn Liam's angelic laugh into this; a laugh so dark and shallow.