Lady of the Night (Downworlder Series, #3)

Chapter Eight: La Biblioteca

The walk to the library was a quick one. I tried my hardest to not let my gaze move towards Miles. I didn't want the kids questioning who he was or why he was around anymore than they must have been. As much as I appreciated him talking to Jovan and putting him in his place I didn't want to have him insert himself into my life.

A mate things... complicated. I had rolled it over and over in my brain since he had walked me home. I had to keep making marks to make sure the kids were taken care of and fed. I knew I was feeding my mother's addiction as she stole the kids' new clothes and sold them or emptied the house of food just for a few marks for her next hit but I didn't have anywhere else to go.

I had saved up some money, just a small amount of ten thousand but to get into an apartment big enough for all seven of us would eat through all the savings. Plus there was the obstacle of my job and mama. I loved her, I did but I wasn't going to lie and say that she didn't own me. She bought me, paid for me and I didn't know how to even approach her to leave. I had been with mama since I was fifteen and had started working when I was sixteen. Ten years of being a whore I knew nothing else.

I looked at the kids, watching them play around as we climbed the stairs to the front door of the library. How could I provide for them when everything I knew and learned had been for pleasing males? No matter how many times Jovan apologized, he was right. I was a whore and it was another big reason why I knew I couldn't have a male around. If I couldn't make marks, the kids would feel the brunt end of it. He would want me to quit and rely on him but I had no clue how to be a housewife or whatever a male needed.

"Quinta, can I take some books home this time?" Colette's voice was small as she tugged on my hand. I shook my head slightly, chasing the oppressive thoughts away. I looked down at her and her big eyes were pleading with me.

"You know we can't." I hated that I had to say it and I hated that it made her shoulder slump with sadness. I cursed our mother for making me say it. Nothing was sacred in the house, everything had a price tag in her eyes and she should sell all she could to make enough marks for her next hit.

"Maybe I could hide them? Just this once?" Although her tone was hopeful I knew she understood me as I shook my head. "It's not fair." She said it softly and I squeezed her hand before stopping and picking her up, holding her to my chest. It was easier when she was littler but I didn't care. She needed comfort and I would give it to her. She wrapped her arms around my neck as she buried her face into it.

"I know it's not fair, Lettie." I hated that she had to feel that way, that she was being taken away from, that she couldn't enjoy herself with our mother around. "One day things will be better. I promise." I didn't know how we could get there or if we could but I wanted to give her hope, something to look towards, even if it was as simple as taking home a few books from the library without fearing they would get stolen.

I set her down and gave her a wide smile, trying to cover up how my stomach sank with the thought I wouldn't be able to fulfill my promise for a very long time. "Let's just go in and we can read." I grabbed her hand and we continued up the stairs.

"Can we stay longer?" At the question I looked down at her and nodded.

"Yes we can." I would give her that. Give her some time so she could read the books and not have to leave them unfinished. That seemed to brighten her up and she rushed towards the front door, pulling me behind her. The rest of the kids were already at the top and I was more than aware of Miles staring at me, his eyes raking over me in a hot and branding gaze that I felt on my skin even through my clothes. Not that I wasn't exposing enough. I cursed myself for wearing shorts and a tank top. I felt over exposed when he looked at me.