Beautiful Monster (Phanfiction)- Completed

Chapter 4: Giving In...

WARNING: Now I'm not sure how people will react to this, so just in case, I'm giving a small warning. Towards the end of this chapter there is some...."big girl talk" on Amy's sexual experience. I did keep it on the light side, but in case you get uncomfortable...don't say I didn't warn you...

There is also a lot of talk on abuse as well. I am really sorry if this makes you uncofmortable.

NOW ENJOY!! :) Oh...and please comment-I would like to know what my readers think.

Present day...

"Amy you don't mean...?" Allison starts, then stops, choking on her words, "You can't possibly-" she scoffs to herself. "Of course you did...what am I saying?" She's silent and I meet her silence with shame. I am ashamed of what I did. Ashamed that I let myself go to keep a boy that I love.....

Or loved?

Do I still love Jack? I know my emotions aren't as strong as they used to be, but I also know that I still harbor strong feelings for him. God, this too complex to think about-my mind is malfunctioning. 

Although, there is one thing I know with certainty: I don't want to be alone right now. Not at this moment, with this situation going on. I need everyone that's important to me to stay by my side. To guide me and to hold me. I need Allison, my parents-that is, if they don't disown me-and...I need Jack. He is the father of this baby, hopefully he'll stay and help take care of it...of us. 

Frustrated and shameful tears appear in my eyes. Why did I not listen to myself? Why couldn't I just continue to tell him 'no'? Why did I give in?

"Throughout the last two months, he continued trying to persuade me to have sex with him, which also included a lot of complaining. I was starting to get really annoyed with it. And at him. You know-" I release a shaky laugh, tears beginning to fall from my eyes "-I'm starting to wonder if maybe I just gave into him because of fear. I was so tired of him hurting me, physically and emotionally. I was so tired of hearing him complain to me and about me, making fun of me..." My voice wavers at the end, making my words sound choked. I bring a hand up to my cheek, wiping away my tears.

"So you had sex with Jack," Allison states numbly. 

I nod. "Yep. Six weeks ago...we had sex."

Six weeks ago....

"Jack...?" I walk into the kitchen nervously, my upper teeth biting my lower lip. My heart is pounding in my ears and my hands are sweating like crazy. 

I can't believe I'm doing this. That I'm going to do this.

Jack is sitting at the kitchen table with his head down, holding a glass of whine in his right hand. He swirls the glass around smoothly, making the wine create it's own torpedo. Jack looks up at me, his eyes dead. "What?" 

I wince. His voice is demanding, but quiet. He's still angry. 

We just finished one of our fights. Our fights don't surpirse me anymore; they're all the same and each one includes the same subject: sex. It's always about sex.

Or me refusing it anyway.

Because of tonight's fight-or any other fight that we've had, for that matter-I know I ended up with another small bruise on my arm. During the end of our fights, Jack likes to grab some part of my arm whether it's my wrist, my shoulder, or my elbow, it doesn't matter to him. He just wants to get his point across to me. That's what he told me, anyway. He says that way we can look at each other straight in the eyes, so he can dare me to defy him. Somehow, even through my fear, I always to.