Where Did I Go Wrong? //Phan//

⇻65⇺

*several trigger warnings stay safe please. Read with caution*

I've tried keeping my head held high for days now. It's a lot of work getting beaten down just to get back up and pretend like nothing happened. Days upon days Chris has been getting his way. It's finally reached a point where I can feel my façade breaking. It can only go down hill from here, right? It always has before.

I was so drained. Opening the door to Phil's still massive house. I casually made my way up to Phil's room flopping down on the bed. Before I knew it I was out like a light.

I lay watching the images dash before my eyes for the hundredth time in this horrible dream state.

A water-filled tub sat before me, untouched, calm. I found myself involuntarily stepping one foot into the bath, then another until I submerged my entire body. Not acknowledging the clothes that still hung from my frame. I stared up at the blank ceiling, my mind was completely rid of thoughts.

"Daniel," I heard an all too familiar voice whisper-yell from beside me. I looked up meeting my fathers gaze. "I have a feeling you'll need these." He bent down placing the shiny silver rectangles along the edge of the white tub. There was a whole array of blades laid out beside me.

"No!" I said harshly to myself. "Stay strong," I paused, "For Phil." With or without Phil. I realized he has helped me more than words can provide. I can't let him worry about me, I wont let him be miserable because of someone like me. I wasn't going to stoop to my fathers level, I was better than that.

I looked back up to the ceiling, completely ignoring what lay on the porcelain ledge. "Look at them Daniel. You always knew this was your only escape. You were always too weak to actually cause any harm." My father laughed. My eyes never left the roof above. "Look at them Daniel!" He demanded more harshly. "LOOK GODDAMNIT!"

I felt my head being pushed under the water. I would have preferred my original calm dreaming over this actual nightmare. I couldn't breath. My lungs were filling with water. This was it, "I'm so sorry, Phil."