The Bad Boys Made Me Do It (TBBMMDI)

43. "You Don't Look So Good Kid."

Chapter Forty Three: "You Don't Look So Good Kid."

Noah's P.O.V

"I-I just miss him so much." I let out a deep sigh as I looked over at Dr. Kang, my therapist. It was my second appointment with him. I had gotten him when I came to London, my old therapist had connections with him and decided to transfer me over to him. 

"It's okay Noah." He responded in a casual tone, it was almost soothing enough to numb my thoughts. "The best way to move on from things is to understand your feelings."

"I understand my feelings perfectly..." I inform him, a tear trickling down my cheek silently.  

"How about you tell me what you feel then." Dr. Kang spoke softly as he wrote things down on his note pad. 

"I'm sad." I admit, fidgeting with my hands while my eyes darted over every object in his office just to avoid eye contact.

"And why is that?" He asks, continuing to write on his paper. 

"Because I miss him. And I'll never get to see him again." I tell him, biting on my lower lip to prevent more tears from flowing.

"Any other feelings?" He raises an eyebrow as he makes eye contact with me. 

"I guess I'm angry too." I mumble, resting my face in my hands. 

"Would you like to explain why you're angry?" Dr. Kang asks me, looking at me in concern through his thick rimmed glasses. 

"I'm angry at Oliver!" I shout, pouring out all my feelings at once, not fighting the tears from falling or my body from shaking. "He left me! On purpose!!!" My shouts turned into trembling whimpers. "It should of been me!" 

"Noah, it's going to be alright." He spoke calmly as I continued to sob.

"It's my fault." I whimpered, my entire body shaking and my entire face soaked in tears. "I should of died."

"Don't say that Noah. Oliver did that for a reason, he knew what the expenses would be and he did it anyway, to save you." Dr. Kang's voice calmed me down a bit. "Do you know why, Noah?"

"No..." I mumble, wiping some tears as I sniffled. "Why?"

"Because Oliver loves you." 

***

That night I took a walk. Through downtown London, my hands stuffed in my pockets. I was in deep thought. I had to clear my head. I had to figure things out. It was late and the chilling breeze make me shiver. I thought about what Dr. Kang had told me about needing to understand what I'm feeling to be able to move on. Well, I knew I was sad, that's for sure. I just couldn't get over his death though. He died for me. 

Oliver had so much to live for. He was going to go to college on a Lacrosse scholarship and he was going to get married to Jennifer. I was going to be his best man. He was going to have a family. He was going to become a famous Lacrosse player and play in nationals. He was going to become rich and famous. 

I had nothing to live for. 

So why? Why did he pick me to save? Why did he kill himself to save me? I still don't get it. I try to understand it but I just can't. 

I reach farther into my coat pocket and pull out box of cigarettes. I haven't touched these in almost a year... I flip the lid off the box and grab one, lighting it as I place it between my lips gently. 

Inhale...

Exhale...

I continue to walk, not paying very much attention to my surroundings. I rather much focus on my thoughts than strangers actions. It was getting dark and the only thing illuminating me was the street lights shining down.

I thought about life. I thought about Oliver. I thought about Ashely. I thought about Nathan. I thought about Cameron. I thought about Sam. I thought about everyone. My mom, my dad. My goals in life. My relationship with Abby. My unholy crush on Ashely. My gang life that would soon come to a stop due to Oliver's death. I thought about everything. That was until, a voice shook me from my thoughts. 

"You don't look so good kid." A male voice spoke, I snapped my head to where the voice was coming from. It was a older gentleman, he looked to be mid to late thirties. He was leaning against a bricking building and smoking as well. 

"Huh?" Is all I could answer with, turning to face the man fully. 

"You look like you need a little bit of forgetting." The roughed up looking man chuckled coldly. It was the harsh truth. I did.

"Yeah I do." I chuckled awkwardly. There was no cars or people around us. It was as if the city was dead frozen. I throw my cigarette to the cold gravely pavement, putting it out with my foot. 

"How about you come inside, I have a little something for you." He rasps, motioning for me to follow him. I decided to go for it, if he tried anything I'd be strong enough to put up a good fight. I followed him up a fire escape and crawled into his apartment bed room through an open window. His apartment was sketchy and I was now having doubts on going.

"So whats the stuff?" I ask casually, trying my best to hide my fear. I stood close to the window just incase he went at me with a weapon. 

"Here." He spoke, handing me a small bag. It was cocaine...

"W-what? I can't accept this man." I stuttered, holding it out for him to take it back. 

"Why not? You look like you could use it." The man chuckled lightly, refusing to take it back. 

"B-but, I'm just a kid. This is bad stuff bro." I scratch the back off my neck with my free hand. 

"That's just what everyone else wants you to think." He scoffs. "It's really good stuff, you basically forget everything wrong about your life." 

"It h-helps you forget things?" I ask him, taking a minute to think about accepting his offer. 

"Yeah. It really does." He purses his lips, putting his cigarette out on an ash trey. 

"And it wont ruin my brain or anything?" I raise an eyebrow, glancing at the bag then back to him. 

"Nope. That's only if you use too much." He informs me. I glance back down at the back again then I shut my eyes tightly, the first image that comes to my mind is Oliver. I open my eyes as quick as possible and look straight at the guy. 

"I'll take it."

A/N: Don't do drugs kids. Actually don't do anything that Noah does at all.