You Promised Me Forever

Chapter Nineteen

The hospital was cold. I tightened the hold on the blanket around me as I tried to conserve the heat. I groaned sleepily in the chair I had been ‘sleeping’ in. Honestly I don’t think any of us got any sleep.

The doctors came out a few hours ago and told us that she had go into surgery. I was a nervous wreck. I looked over at the cradle in the middle of the room to see my brother asleep in the crib. We were waiting on my mother to give us the name, she’s had it picked for months, but she being my mom decided she wanted it to be a surprise and didn’t tell anyone, not even Charlie!

I pushed myself off the chair, giving up the notion that I could sleep and went over to the cradle. He had the cutest face and lots of blonde hair. It’s probably a little biased but I think he was honestly the cutest little baby ever, not that I’ve had a lot to compare him too.

I stroked his soft cheek causing his to mouth open and closed like a fish as he slept. I gave a small smile to him. I could love him easily.

“Emily.” Charlie’s voice softly spoke from the doorway. I looked up at him, my hand still stroking the baby’s face, but I stopped at the look on his face. He was broken as his tears fell down his cheeks. I noticed his eyes flickered for a moment down to the little boy in the cradle before he met mine again. “She’s…” He trailed off.

I shook my head and my tears fell freely down my cheeks. This can’t be happening. It can’t. Just yesterday she was laughing and having a great time! She can’t… She was just breathing hours ago! I didn’t even get say goodbye.

“Emily.” He cooed wrapping me in his arms lovingly. He was always there for me, like a father should. I sobbed into his chest and he stroked my hair while I’m sure he was breaking inside too. I needed to comfort him just as he was doing to me but at this moment in time all I could think about was mourning the death of my mother.

He held me for a long time and then the baby started crying. I felt angry as he cried, he was the reason my mother was dead. He was the reason she couldn’t hug me right now, the reason she wouldn’t see me graduate or get married. She wouldn’t be able to meet her grandchildren or spoil them rotten. She wouldn't get to share any of that with me.

Guilt filled me to the core as I thought that. He wouldn’t get that either. He wouldn’t even know her at all. I at least had seventeen wonderful years with her and he got nothing. I let go of Charlie and reached down to hold him.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “I shouldn’t of thought that. This isn’t your fault, none of this is your fault.” I apologized to him as he looked up at me with his blue eyes, that I hoped would change into my mother hazel eyes soon. “I love you.”

I vowed to myself that I’d tell him how special he was as he grew up, I tell him how great our mother was and how much she loved him. I’d be the best big sister he could ever have. I promised him.

“Noah.” Charlie whispered, “she...wanted...to name him Noah.” His voice cracked at his past tense word for her. “she told me last night.”