Can't hate you || e.d

His own bad

Y/n

I fell asleep and had a bad dream about it. It was a huge nightmare.. about me drowning.. losing everything I had.. and I was screaming at him.

Sam

I walked to the backyard with a blanket because I thought it would be very cold and I dint want he to freeze. it already seemed like she was really stressed about Mr. Dolan so I wanted to get her up again. Maria came with me and we saw that she fell asleep like a baby with her knees pulled to herself. Her eyebrows were furrowed.. she seemed so hurt and angry.. I felt so bad for her. She was such a good girl..

We covered her with the blanket and I sat down next to her.

I stroke her head. "Ugh... she deserves so much better.." I whispered because I didn't want to wake her. She needed some rest after the escalation.
"She's a really sensible and fragile girl who has a pure soul and what he did to her wasn't something that a gentleman would do...« Maria whispered back and she was right.

"Don't forget that he isn't a gentleman!"
"But girl don't you see how much they love each other? She may be angry at him right now but he was hooked on her from the first second on. You know him. He's trying to hide it." I added chuckling. "I know! I'm just asking myself who's going to admit it first and when'!" she whispered back totally excited. We both chuckled and left.

Y/n

As I woke up I saw all the fallen leafs on the ground. I yawned and noticed the blanket on me. Sam was so kind.. of course I knew that she put it on me because she was caring a lot. She was the only one who was really caring in this house. Of course the others were too but she was definitely special.

Why was she even working for that son of a bitch? I walked in the kitchen and prayed that he wouldn't be at home or awake yet but it was already 10am and it didn't seem like he was a long sleeper. "Good morning sweetheart!" Maria greeted me and I sneezed. Perfect. I really had the perfect timing to get sick. I hated being sick but what else did I expect? I still had my hoodie on. Luckily because it was so comfortable and warm.

"Good morning." I finally said she was smiling like all the other ones. "Bless you." she said and I nodded thanking her. I felt a little uncomfortable because I knew they heard everything yesterday.. and they were probably sympathizing with me which made it all a lot worse..
"You can sit down, I'll bring you some breakfast and make you some tea." I sat down and closed my eyes. I was so exhausted it was unbelievable. Each bone was hurting and I wanted to keep sleeping.

She put some plates in front of me and whispered into my ear.

"Don't worry. He's not at home." I held my breath.

And it went like this for a month... He was going out, I was trying to see him as less as I could, we only talked during meetings for the mission and we didn't spend any time together. I got to know less about him. There was one month left to my birthday and I still wasn't going to tell him. Even I stopped caring about it.

I wasn't teasing him, talking to him, looking at him or asking for him during that one long ass month except in the meeting of course because he was the leader.. I distracted myself with books or movies on my laptop when he was at home so I wouldn't have to walk around and talk to him or accidentally look at him..

But then I remembered something.

I closed my laptop and walked upstairs to his office. I didn't even knocked on his door and he looked at me eyes widened as I came in because he definitely didn't expect me to come. He was writing something.

"I forgot a part of the plan from my mothers office that means we have to get in now because she's not at home right now and we really need that one.." I knew when she was working.
"Okay I'll drive you."

We were sitting in the car not talking a word. It felt like it took us years to get there. As we finally arrived we got off the car and sneaked into the backyard. I looked up at the balcony of her office. "I need to get up there." I said and tried to climb up. Walking in, wouldn't work because of the maids. I was already lucky that she gave the security guards a day off.
It didn't work so I looked around but there was no ladder or something else which made me stress a little bit..

"Get on my shoulders." he said and I raised a brow at him. did he really think I wanted to touch him in any way even if it was for the mission? "Excuse me?" I asked totally pissed and he sighed. "Get on my shoulders, now!" he said impatiently.

He bent down and I got on his shoulders.
"Oh I'm begging you, please don't let me fall into the pool!" I said being shady enough and he didn't respond because he got the message.. That means I hurt him. Hopefully. That was good.

I reached out my hands and climbed up. Her door was always open. I got in easily and after I got what I wanted I got out. I looked down. It was kinda high.. I could only climb the little part up because I was good at it but how was I supposed to get back down? I furrowed my eyebrows..

"Jump! I'll catch you!" he said quietly making sure nobody would hear him. I laughed.
"You'll catch me? Ha-ha-ha" he looked mad as fuck but who cared?
"Trust me! I swear I'll catch you!"
"Oh come on! You're too funny! You were the one who said I shouldn't trust him!"
»Y/n!!«
»Okay okay!«

I didn't want to put anything personal in this conversation but I couldn't control myself. I was really afraid but I prayed to god that he would be at least honest for once and catch me so I jumped... and he caught me.

You know when you're half asleep and dream that you're falling off a building and wake up in your bed? Well I wanted to wake up in my bed too. I wanted this all to be a dream. Nothing else than a nightmare... but it wasn't and I ended up in his arms..

He held me close.. It was weird but we looked into each other's eyes... for way too long.. we kept looking and looking. I couldn't get enough of his eyes. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows like he would regret.. like he would regret every word he's said.. every move he's made.. everything.. and I looked at him like I hated him..

Just as I looked at his lips he kissed me.

At first I kissed him back but then I pushed him away and looked at him with a racing heart but then I didn't want to look at him and let him see how hurt I was so rushed back to the car. He slowly followed me and I felt the anger in my chest again. Why did he do that? Did he have to bring everything back that I was trying to push away this past month?
He thought that everything would be alright with just a kiss. No that wasn't enough. I wanted him to feel pain. I wanted him that I wasn't a stupid teen..

After that day we waited one week - in which we've seen each other less than three times- and after we finished planning during the last meeting we got ready for the mission. Well they got ready.. my job was easy.. so I just leaned back and watched him running in his own bad...