Can't hate you || e.d

Cloudy skies

Sun

He was sitting on his bed with his elbows on his knees while I was leaning against his desk with my arms crossed in front of my chest.

His straight hair was laid back. The clean cut on the sides made him look even more serious and almost scary. The scar on his eyebrow was really intimidating in that moment. His blue eyes were so bright, shining like they caught fire and his tattooed arms looked even bigger than a few weeks ago. He was working out a lot and looking better than ever. Like extremely good.. handsome and healthy. Like a beast. He was so hot. It hurt to not be able to touch him... he was doing better without me.

I wanted to feel his skin on mine, I wanted to feel his lips on mine and his hands on my waist and neck. I wanted to feel him inside me. I wanted to feel his love and passion..

I asked myself what would happen if I would just walk towards him and get on top of him to kiss him. Would he push me away? Would he tell me to get off him?

Anyway. He seemed happier without me. Even tho he looked grumpy because of the situation I got him in, he was really amazing. Every other girl was probably dying to have him.. to be his girlfriend. He was someone who caught everyone's attention by just entering the room. His wide shoulders and his dangerous eyes were probably the dream of every girl out there.. and mine too in that moment.

His furrowed eyebrows made me shiver. I cleared my throat and tried to figure out how I could start.

"Someone saw Mika and me and told Chloe about it. She didn't give me a chance to explain myself and that's why we're not talking anymore." I said. My raw voice sounded so humiliating that I hated myself for showing him how weak I was.

If Dean would hang out with another girl, I couldn't be mad at him because I wasn't the girlfriend that he deserved. He deserved so much better. Someone who treated him better and took care of him. I was sure that he wanted somebody who wasn't like me.

He only loved me because he had no other choice.

He didn't get to choose his girlfriend because I was there his whole life without even knowing it. Then he fell in love with me without even wanting it. And I was sure that he was going to have enough of me. I was sure he wanted to get to know other girls because he was tired of me. It was different with us..

He was my first boyfriend and I also wanted him to be my last. I wanted to keep him. He was playing the biggest role someone could play in my life. He was more important to me than anybody else. He was everything for me. More than my family was sometimes.

The knots in my throat made it really hard for me to breathe. I felt like crying but I hat to keep myself back together. I wasn't going to cry in front of him because I didn't want it to seem like I wanted him to sympathize with me. He was going to think that I was using my tears to make him get soft and I didn't want that.

"Who saw you and what were you doing?" he asked and my heart started beating faster. I knew what he was thinking. I knew he was assuming a lot of things but none of them were true and I wished he could believe me.

"I don't remember who it was but we weren't doing anything that should make you worry. She overacted a little bit because she thought I was backstabbing her." my voice was shaking a little bit and I couldn't look into his eyes.

"You are backstabbing her." he said with a cold voice. He wasn't looking at me either. He was massaging his hands a little roughly. His clenched jaw told me that he was getting angrier with every word that I said. I thought talking would help but it obviously didn't help.. yet.

"Even other people are seeing you.. it's catching their attention. They know you're dating me.. and him.. like a whore.." his voice was shaking when he said that and he didn't take his eyes off his hands.