The Middle (GxG) (Sequel to The Beginning)

Chapter 33

-LYNN'S P.O.V-

    Cooing her to sleep is something I have found recently but it's like magic. I like to listen as her heart beats slower with each whisper. And how her breaths as she falls.
   I quickly move to where she is in pillowship. She nuzzles close to the nap of my neck. Though I love her holding me, I love holding her more. It's like..if I let go.. She will disappear.
   Our year is coming up soon, which makes me wonder if I jumped the gun on proposing. I don't regret it. God no. I wish I could call her my wife. Like right this fucking second.
   Sleep takes my wandering mind.
  
"Wife."  I look over to Jamie.
"Wife." She looks to me. We both share a smile.
"ALEX STOP RUNNING IN THE HOUSE."
"But mom! Ma, I'm just having fun." Alex looks from me to Jamie and back.
   Jamie looks at me from the lounge chair across from me.
"Don't look at me like that. She's your daughter."
"Mom, I was just having fun."
"I know, baby girl. But running in the house isn't safe." Jamie says.
"Okay." She pouts. She resembles me more than anything. Probably because she came from me.
"Alex, why don't you go play in your room for a bit? Mom and I call time out."
"Okay, Ma!" She runs upstairs quickly.
   Jamie takes no time to make her way next to me.
"He's moving, Ly."
"Tim is moving?" I love how she picked his name.
   I rest my hand on her oh so very big baby belly. A kick. Or two. Or three.
   I laugh lightly.
"Hey, babyboy. I can't wait to meet you." I whisper to her stomach.
   Her giggles fill the air. She's beautiful. This is perfect.
   I kiss her belly lightly.
"Remember when she did this? Kick you? I went crazy over it."
"And now I'm going crazy over Tim. I can't wait to meet our babyboy."
"I'm ready for him to evac."
    I pull her hand to my lips.
"I know, my love. I was the same with Alex.. I can't believe she's already three."
"It's crazy."
    I press another kiss to her stomach.
"I'm ready for to come out, babyboy. I'm ready for you to come out,
  "Tim"
   I felt a stir and Jamie's body heat moving from me.
"Where did you hear that name?"
"W..what?"
   I open my eyes slowly and look over to her. She's hugging her knees.
"Where did you hear that name, Ly?!"
"A...a dream.." I sit up. "Jamie what's wrong?"
"You dreamed about my dad?"
"Oh... no. More like...." I scratch my head. "Our son."
   Her eyes widened, tears already lined them but a tear breaks free. I quickly crawl over and wipe her tear.
"If.. it helps.... you named him."
"You have funny dreams, Ly." She laughs fakely.
"I saw Alex too."
    The bright color pops in her eyes and I smile.
"I don't really know if it's going to happen... But a babybump looks cute on you, J."
   Her face turned all different shades of red. The room is silent for a long moment. I lean forward and lay my head on her shoulder.
"...are you okay?"
    Her silence is loud. Very, very loud.
    I take a deep breath and get up. I get dressed and sigh.
"I'm going to make breakfast, I guess."

    After about 30 minutes of cooking, bacon made and all... Jamie stays in our room. I'm seriously confused. Should I be worried?...or.. did I freak her out?
"Hey, Kiddo." Dad walks in the kitchen.
   I nod to his appearance.
"Lynn, what's wrong?"
"I think I might have messed up... unintentionally."
"How?"
"Well.. I woke up from my dream saying 'Tim' in which I had no idea it is Jamie's dad's name. I wouldn't have known because she never told me and I would never pry for something she isn't ready to talk about."
"And why did his name pop up?"
"She was pregnant?" I offered. "And now I have no idea if I freaked her out because I told her about the dream. She asked who he was and I told her...and she hasn't really said anything since. Which was a little over an hour ago."
   I felt a tear run down my cheek.
"She didn't even come for the bacon."
"Oh."
"Fix what you want. I'm going to go for a jog." He nods and I walk back downstairs.
    She's unmoved. Untouch. A little sniffly. And has been crying. What did I do? I shake my head lightly and fish around in the drawers for something to jog in.
   Yoga stretches. And sports bra. I change quickly and look over to her. Her eyes were watching me the whole time.
"Going for a jog. You need some time time to yourself." I say before running out the door and out the upstairs door.
   It was just a dream, right? How was I suppose to know her dad's name? How was I suppose to?
   I never asked because I knew it was a sensitive topic. I didn't know and yet I dreamed his name. So is it him.. telling me something?
   2 laps down. 2 miles down. I push forward.
   I should be worried. Or mad that I'm getting over out. Or sad because she won't tell me what's going on... But I'm just confused.
    Just need a little.. time.
    4 down. I was getting tired but at least go for 5.
    I wish she would just tell me. Like I couldn't help? I'm her fiancee... And now that I think about it, maybe I jumped the gun for sure.
    I find myself outside her mom's. Her mom is home but sister is gone. I knock on the door. It takes a minute.
"Hey, Lynn. Wasn't expecting you. Where's Jamie?"
"She's upset with me. Can we talk?"
"Yeah."
   I walk in and she closes the door behind me.
"I had a dream.. And woke up saying a name I never heard before. But Jamie has. And now she is... well... won't talk to me, won't eat...."
"What name?"
"Tim."
"Oh."
"I don't know what to do, Dee." I throw my hands in the air. "It's not like I knew. I never asked because I knew it was a sensitive topic."
"She will open up to you."
"Yeah, when? When we're married? And now I'm in doubts. What if I jumped the gun on this all? What if she's not ready?" I sigh in frustration. "What's the story with her and her dad, Dee? Can you at least give me some insight?"
"She blames herself for his death."
"Why?"
"She thinks that if she would have given him the attention he was asking for instead of watching tv, he would have been fine. He died from a diabetic coma. There was nothing any of us could do about it. He just didn't eat in time, which is what he was about to do before."
"I don't know the slightest bit of what I am doing here, Dee. I just want to be there for her but she looks like she needs space. I'm going insane."
   Her phone dings.
"Jamie said you should come home."
"How does she even know I'm here?"
"Wild guess? Probably because I'm her mom and I know things."
"Right. Should I go back? And what should I expect to go back to?"
"She might be ready to talk about it. And if she is, just listen and hold her. She doesn't open up about Tim to anyone. It took forever to get her to open up to me. And I'm her mother."
   I nod. "Thanks Dee."
   5. 5 miles. My head is a little clearer than before... who am I kidding, it's not. But at least I know something that might help my case.
   I walk in the house, probably stink but I don't care. Going to dad in the kitchen, the plate of bacon is gone.
"Guessing she did that?"
    He nods. At least she's eating.
"Don't know if I want to go down there." I admit.
"Well you can't stay up here. You stink."
"Just ran 5 miles. Am I suppose to smell like vanilla and lavender when I walk through the door? Or is my sweat suppose to smell like blueberries or something?"
"Be quiet and go see your girl. And shower. Most definitely shower."
"Fine."
   I slowly walk to the downstairs. Closing the door behind me. She's sitting on the bed, crosslegged and playing a game. Which by the sound...minecraft.
   I go to the dresser and find myself clothes for after the shower. Her silence is still. But she's building a house.. on top of a jungle tree... which we all know she's going to fall if she doesn't cro..
"Damnit."
    I hold in a laugh. Not the time for laughing.
"I'm going to shower, Jamie."
    Her eyes finally meet mine. I can see words trying to form in her mind but none come.
"I... uh.. know we sort of promised not to take showers without each other.. unless it's inevitable.. But I stink and you're busy and I don't want to bother you." I say before walking to the bathroom.
   Once the door is closed, I sigh heavily. I don't want to take a shower alone... I'm so use to her scrubbing my head.. But I don't have much of a choice, I'm not going to take her away from everything just to take a shower.
   I climb in, feeling the hot water splash against my face, tears falling with the droplets. I just wish she would have told me. Would have ...and now I feel like..... I have so many doubts.
    Just because I am ready for our marriage, doesn't mean she is. And maybe I did ask too soon. I don't take it back but I.. I worry..
    I put my hands over my face and silently cry into them. She's the one upset. Yet I feel heartbroken because she doesn't even...join me for a shower. Silly?..yeah... it's stupid.
    Focus on the sound of the water. Focus on anything but Jamie. Focus in general. But Jamie is what helps focus my ADD..
   The feeling of nails scratching on the sides of my scalp startled me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I probably did jump. It felt like I was alone for hours but it really only had been 30 seconds.
   I slowly turn around, her hands fall to her sides.
"You're not suppose to be the one crying, Ly."
   I crack a small smile. "I'm sorry..I just.. don't..." I shake my head. "My dumbass needs you more than you would think, Jamie James." I take a deep breath. "I'm not forcing you to tell me anything you're not ready to, love. I never will. If you trust me, eventually you will tell me." I look to my hands. "It scares me... though.. we're almost at a year together.. And I'm thinking maybe I asked.. you to marry me too soon... that you're not ready." I shake my head. "I'm stupid."
"Stop."
   My head snaps up to her eyes. Of course she wouldn't use the word lightly.
   Her hands cup my cheeks.
"I'm more than ready for you to be my wife, Ly. Don't doubt it. And I'm ready to tell you. It's just finding the words took a little time. I didn't mean to cause you worry or to cause you to have doubts about us."
   She stands on her tippy toes to give me a light kiss. I wrap my arms around her tightly.