Chapter 44

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-ZEE'S P.O.V-

"I was only playing. I'm sorry, Zee." Tears fell down Jamie's face before she collapsed to floor, hitting her head again.
   I'm at her side before anyone else.
"I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry." I felt myself crying.
   I didn't mean it. I really didn't. I didn't mean to push so hard. I was only playing around... and.. now..
"ZEE!" Everyone around me screams at me.
"I didn't mean to!"
   The bell rings and Lynn quickly takes Jamie in her arms.
"I'm taking her to er." She states.
"I'm coming."
   A loud but silent hesitation is in the air. She starts walking, not saying I couldn't. I follow quickly.
"I'm so sorry, Lynn I didn't mean to. I'm so sor"
"Just get in the fucking car."
    I follow her demand. Once Jamie is in, she climbs in and takes Jamie's almost lifeless hand. She doesn't even look sad. Just pissed. At me.
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I didn't mean to."
"You two always go from play fighting to laughing. Nothing like this. Not since" She trails off.
"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to push her so hard. I was only playing.. God she is going to hate me."
"She thinks it's her fault. She won't fucking hate you, she will hate herself."
"I'M SORRY" I yelled and started crying again.
   The rest of the ride to the hospital in in silence. I keep my eyes on Jamie, seeing Lynn constantly running her thumb across Jamie's hand. But Jamie is so out, she can't even hold hers back.
   What have I done. Jamie if you can hear me. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please forgive me... please hear me.
   If Rose was here, she would throw twin thing in my face hardcore. Because it does exsist.
   We park.
"You're the only on that can explain what happened, Zee."
   I take a deep breath and wipe my tears. I nod and we head inside.
"Jamie James. 18. Epileptic. Had brain cancer." I cringe to the word. "I was playing around and pushed her. Too hard. She hit her head on the lockers and then passed out. She hit her head again when she fell to the ground."
"Relations to patient."
"Twin?" ...that not obvious?
"Fiancee."
"Does Miss James have a tendency to hit her head?" The nurse asks.
"In her chart." Lynn says dryly.
"Let's take her to a room. I'll have the doctor in as soon as he is free."
  
   In the room with Lynn is like a vacuum of hatred.
"She won't forgive me."
"She's your sister. Of course she will."
    Lynn comes over and hugs me.
"I thought you hated me." I cry into her embrace.
"You're family. I can't hate family."
   She pulls from the hug. "Though, I think you should have Rose come up. Rose seems to be the only one to be able to truly calm you down."
    I nod. "Thank you."
   She smiles lightly before returning to Jamie's side. I text Rose.
~Ro.. will you come up and be with me?
~Room? -Rose.
~213. I'm sorry...
~I'll be there in 10. -Rose.
"That's great. Looks like even Ro is mad at me." The tears start to fall again. "I'm a fucking monster."
"You're not. You guys just got too rough."
"Yeah but it's my fault she is laying in that bed. Not the first time either. You said so in the car."
"I was mad, Zee. Shit happens, Okay. You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. When she wakes up, they will check her for whatever they need to and you two will fucking fix it."
"She won't forgive me."
"Even though you asked for it in the car?"
"What?"
"You think I'm stupid? I know Jamie like the back of my hand. I can read her mind without even looking at her. And your eyes don't lie either."
   She didn't.
"Oh but I did. Twin thing is real. You said it yourself."
"No it's not. And I said no such thing."
    She raises an eyebrow.
"We'll keep it between us, Zee."
    I cross my arms and sigh.
"How does she put up with you?"
"I have no idea."
"Better question. How do you put up with her?"
"Love."
   And that's the biggest reason of all.
"Without Jamie, I am nothing. Even with her crazy medical issues. And the constantness of being in this hellhole. I love her. More than anything. So when you ask that, all I can say is the one biggest, most powerful reasons of all. Love."
   Rose walks in, her eyes land on me. She stays quiet but walks over to me. Her arms wrap around me but silence fills the air.
   Lynn speaks.
"Don't be mad at her."
"What?" Rose asks.
"They were just fucking around. I get it. I was mad too. And I should still be but I'm not because I know they were only playing. It just got too rough."
   Rose stays quiet.
"I know Jamie is your best friend. And you hate seeing her like this. She's going to be my wife and I hate seeing her like this. But you hold anger for more than one reason on this, Rose. From the past when Zee did this shit to Jamie. You have to let that go. And let this go. Don't be mad at her."
   Lynn looks from me to Rose and back.
"Love is a fruitless venture when both are fighting. It will only hurt you guys and I don't want to have to explain to Jamie why there was a breakup between her sister and her best friend. She would only blame herself." Lynn takes a deep breath and continues. "So when she wakes up, Zee you will fix it. And for now, you will stop crying and Rose will make her choice to either forgive you and not be mad or to ruin what you have because of a past incident."
   Rose opens her mouth.
"AND I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, Rose. So don't. All I am saying is one of you is crying and hurting and the other is raging pissed."
   Rose closes her mouth and rests her head on my shoulder.
"Okay?" Lynn questions.
   I nod, Rose looks up and wipes my tears away. All anger slowly fades in her eyes as she looks in mine. She leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead.
"Better, babygirl?" Rose asks.
"Yeah, babe." I curl close to her embrace.
"So. Rose, hm?" Rose asks.
"Uh.. yeah."
"That's interesting." She laughs.
"I thought you'd think it's weird."
"She was right. Almost like you were made for me. You fucking nutcase."
"So, Nicole." Lynn comments.
"She didn't tell you?"
"No."
"Maybe she was embarrassed. She only gets called by when she is in trouble."
"Ah."
"For me, luckily, if I get in trouble my mom can't say mine because Ro is always there. It would confuse Ro and she would think she's in trouble too."
"I'm a shield. You're using me for a shield."
"No..."
"Technically."
    I turn around in her arms and cup her face in my hands.
"You are everything to me. If you want to look at it like that, at least do the kindness of making you a knight. You are my King, after all."
   Her lips take mine quickly. I kiss back. Only lasts a minute before I hear the Oh So loved.
"Gross."
"Koala." Lynn says.
   I turn back around and Rose holds me. Lynn slips into the bed with Jamie.
"What happened?"
"I was an idiot." I answer her.
"I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be. I didn't mean to push you so hard, JJ. I'm the one sorry."
"Mm." She closes her eyes and leans into Lynn.
"Will you forgive me?"
"I already did."

~   Really?
     'Yeah, Zee. Don't worry.'
      I love you...
     'Yeah, Yeah. I love you too.'

"Oh thank god."

"Just a concussion?"
"Yeah. I would suggest she take time from school. So many concussions in a short period of time, especially for her are bad."
   We all nod. Jamie groans.
"Some ibprophin will do you good."
"Thanks."
"Let's get you out if here." He leaves and comes back with discharge papers.

"See you guys later. I'm sorry, JJ."
"I know. Stop. It's good."
    We head off in the same direction but also not. Four block is nothing, really. But sometimes it feels like she is so far away.
"Babygirl?"
"Yeah?"
"You alright?"
"Kinda."
"What do you need?"
"Just our bed and some sleep."
"Okay. I can give you that."
"And you... you have to hold me..."
"Of course."
    It takes only 20 but we make it in and make it downstairs. Home. I crawl into the bed and she follows.
   Her arms wrap around me tightly and I am close to out.
"I love you so much, Ro."
"I love you too, Babygirl."
   I take a deep breath.
"Zheee."
   She whispers to me, guiding me along.
"Zhee."
   And I am in sleeps hands.
"Zhee."
   Like a light, I'm out.

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