Big Things

Chapter 5

AN: tw for Charles' alcohol problem and depression, mostly as a flashback.

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2 years ago...

"Charles? Charles! No, you don't!" She pulled the bottle out of his grip. "You can't keep doing this to yourself!"

" 'f course I can." he slurred.

"Look at yourself! You're blind drunk!" she put the bottle away and knelt down in front of him. "Charles, I need you to listen to me." Charles was still trying to hide his face from her but she persisted. "Listen to me!" he looked up. "I know what happened was terrible but you cannot keep doing this to yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you!"

He shook his head. "I have nothing ahead of me."

"That's not true. You're strong. You can survive this. Please. I know you can deal with this."

"You don't mean that." Charles said, laughing bitterly. "I can read your mind, Raven. Remember? You pity me..."

"That's not it! That's really not it! And stay out of my head!" she sprang up to her feet again, lips pursed.

He laughed again, until it suddenly turned into desperate sobs. He couldn't breathe. He was gasping for air and crying at the same time, his whole body shaking. Raven was terrified.

"Charles!" She gasped, dropping back down to her knees again and wrapping her arms around him. She didn't know how to help. She didn't know what to do. She just wanted to ease his pain. She wished she could. But there was no easy way here, was there? "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" she whispered, pressing kisses to his damp with sweat hair and his forehead.

"He's dead, Raven." Charles managed, his words muffled as he was pressing his face into her shoulder. "He's dead because of me!"

"It's not because of you. It wasn't your fault!" sha insisted, stroking the back of his head.

"He's still dead though..."

"I know..."

"Let me drink. Please. I can't bring him back, I can't walk, at least give me this. Give me the chance to drown my pitiful sorrow and let me forget. I want to forget."

Raven shook her head. "I can't do that, Charles." she said, feeling like a really shitty person for denying him this one consolation at a time like this. "Alcohol is not the answer."

"It is, it is." Charles kept mumbling.

"Remember mother!"

That had the expected effect. Charles pulled himself together, somewhat.

"You don't want to be like her, do you?"

He swallowed. "She started drinking after father died." he said, face dead. "I understand why she did it now."

"Charles!"

"I'm not strong enough to endure this, Raven. I was going to propose to him." he sniffed. "We were on our way to the restaurant and I was going to propose to him there! If only we stayed at home! He wanted to stay at home. He said he didn't need fancy restaurants, he just wanted to be with me!"

Charles burst into tears again, crying bitterly. Raven could feel his sadness, ripping through her, sending her to a pit of despair. It took her a moment to realize this pain wasn't her own. It was mixed with someone else's pain. Charles'. He was projecting his own emotions to her. He was probably projecting to the whole building. Or, knowing his range, maybe even to the whole neighborhood. His control usually never slipped but with him drinking day and night it wasn't that surprising that he lost control. He was ruining himself.